Stars Above Discussion Thread

Nice touch with Kagami and QB's voices sounding the same. Also, Tsukasa is not going to take it well when she finds out about Miyuki.

I've been waiting almost a year and nineteen chapters for the right time to make that joke. And no, no she's not. :D

edited 6th Aug '12 9:22:59 PM by FringeBenefits

So, on a slightly-related topic: the Kazumi Magica manga has revealed yet another astonishing instance of Kyubey being a total dick: (WARNING, MASSIVE SPOILER)

He allowed a flawed, "incomplete" Incubator, one of his own kind, to exist and to help out the Pleiades Saints, for the sole reason that the rest of the Incubators might eventually get more Grief Seeds that way. Dick.

edited 12th Aug '12 9:32:14 PM by FringeBenefits

STILL SPOILERS

You have to admit that it would have been incredibly effective in the long run, considering how the Pleiades kept so many Gems (borderline Seeds) while holding onto that useless hope that someday they'd find a way to purify them en-mass for good. The ruse about Jyubey having an internal battery of Seeds to purify for a while to keep the illusion up is nothing short of genius. When you think about it from the mechanic/pragmatic view of the Incubator race, you realize it makes a SHITLOAD of sense, like so:

if PM(Puella Magi) find out about X => distress and chaos -therefore- interruption/disruption of X & interference by PM who became aware of X

Consequence of X should be avoided to increase efficiency of process -methods of ensuring so, to be considered and applied

Primary Method: don't give information about X if unnecessary or likely to result in above consequence

Secondary Method (research): extend period of ignorance of X through experimental means -results to consider when applying definite mean (options measured in efficiency according to current status and requirements of project)

Current experiment denomination "Jyubey": prototype Incubator with internal Grief Seed battery for on demand purification -expected results: longer "lifespan" of PM and reduced focus on immediately (Witch destroyed) harvested Grief Seed use for purification

X: PM to Witch cycle - subjects refer to this as "truth of Puella Magi"

wtfiswrongwithmehelp

edited 13th Aug '12 10:55:41 AM by Rareitor

OH GOD WHY AM I A CAR!? - Forzare

Huh, I never thought about it that way... that's actually a really, really plausible explanation.

IN OTHER NEWS. Started on Chapter 20 today. There will be forced cosplay in this chapter, and it will be adorable.

Also, since Forz leaves in a few days to go be awesome in the Londons, he might not be able to proofread the chapters for the next few months. I'm going with my backup proofreader, who unlike Forz DOES NOT SUCK, AND NO, I'M TOTALLY NOT JEALOUS AT ALL. ASSHOLE.

Let me guess. You're not tsundere for Forz because you like him or anything.

Pfft, course he isn't, he's YANDERE not tsundere.

OH GOD WHY AM I A CAR!? - Forzare

This.

Okay, question for the next chapter, which takes place two weeks later:

Konata is admitting to Kagami that she "lost" to Homura, and that she's still a little bit jealous, but she's dealing with it. She acknowledges that she had her chance and didn't take it, and now she wants the two of them to be happy together.

Does this seem in character? I'm worried it might come off as a move to make Homura a Relationship Sue.

It does seem strange for Konata. I'd expect Konata to hide her emotions better; she seems like the sort to brush off her friends' concern and act like nothing's wrong. At the very least, she'd probably express her feelings in a roundabout way (like through some weird otaku reference).

Besides, what's all this? One could almost be led to believe you're trying to make your characters happy. Wouldn't it be better to let Kagami keep feeling guilty over Konata for a while? Though, I suppose you could always have Konata "admit defeat" in a way that makes it obvious that she's not dealing with it nearly as well as she tries to make it seem.

I still haven't read the latest chapter but I think Konata wouldn't do that outright. I think she'd try to compensate by furiously forcing the ship onward, disregarding how healthy that might be, because she doesn't know any other way to be "nice" to the both of them.

Speaking of reading, I really should get that done before tomorrow

edited 27th Aug '12 8:53:07 AM by Rareitor

OH GOD WHY AM I A CAR!? - Forzare

You've made some really good points. Still, I think some more context is in order here, so you guys can get the feel of the scene. An excerpt:

As for making my characters happy... what, you've never heard of inducing a false sense of security? :D

edited 27th Aug '12 9:19:34 AM by FringeBenefits

I like the first part, especially that Konata is Genre Savvy enough to notice how Homura's acting. (It's a pet peeve of mine when characters fail to notice obvious signs of abuse or trauma — don't even get me started on Fate Stay Night.) The last few lines, though... aren't as great.

So far so good. An out-of-place smile creates some interesting emotional ambiguity.

The "urge to push Konata away" is perhaps a little odd. I can see why Kagami might want to turn away from her or something, but pushing Konata away? I don't know, it just seems like a slightly odd reaction. It's not a big deal, though.

This is the part that I don't really like. It seems too blunt and straightforward, and it eliminates a lot of possibility for tension and uncertainty. Like I said before, emotional ambiguity is a very good thing in scenes like this.

The problem is, this makes it sound like Konata's emotional development in this matter is essentially concluded. It'd be better to make it sound like Konata is still somewhat conflicted and can't bring herself to say it outright; even having her hesitate a little and cover her meaning with a reference would make a difference. I think the key here is to imply that Konata is more upset by it than she wants to openly admit.

In other words, advancing the Kagamura relationship shouldn't be the point of the scene — that's incidental. The point is to, as she might put it, increase Konata's Woobie score (and make Kagami feel a little guilty in the process) while staying in character. You know, give a "sense of closure" that no one can be too happy about.*

Well, that's my take on it, at least. You might be aiming for something different, of course.

edited 27th Aug '12 10:04:35 AM by Enthryn

I didn't think it was so bad, I believe it is mostly a matter of perspective. Try looking at it considering Kagami's usual behavior, when Konata says something perverted or "inappropriate" she pushes her away (or I assume she does, tsundere personality traits and archetypes are my sources here) or hits her, I see this more as a force of habit.

On the last part I agree with you, it feels too straightforward, Konata seems to me like someone who, while being honest, would dance around the issues and joke some more while making her point.

Also

Inb4 qft

OH GOD WHY AM I A CAR!? - Forzare

Gotcha. I'll give the last bit a rewrite.

And now that I've avoided doubleposting

chapter 19

-You know, I find it peculiar how she is far more troubled about her feelings now than when they began to manifest, but I suppose it makes sense considering Homu is an enigma to her, and with all the backstory she just dumped on her, Kagami becomes the only one whose emotions can be understood in that situation.

-Desi’s scene I really like; seeing her as she is, a childish being who wears the guise of an adult and whose very nature betrays the limited maturity even she as an anomaly can reach. Also: The man who has never been hurt ought to fear the day he comes to know pain, for that day his world will crumble :3

-I am a little confused about Desi’s method of contacting Tsukasa, did she really need the phone for it? I find it strange that even wounded, she would resort to that, instead of entering her dreams or simply calling her through the influence she has had over her for a while now. I can tell Tsukasa is a little too comfortable with the idea of going out in the middle of the night after all that has happened, so that does tell me she might be coerced in a supernatural manner, or again, she’s just that naïve.

-Kagami: confused but willing to go through that confusion, damn the consequences

-Homura: confused and unwilling to forge ahead because the consequences she knows too well

-Contrasts, how do they work?:

-Also, in retrospect, Madoka did reach out to Homu and believed in her most of the time didn’t she? Safe for a few exceptions each loop of course.

-To finish my thoughts, the beginning of a joke: so, two –deres and an otaku walk into Akihabara…

There go my thoughts, I blame my mind's clarity on this day's musical acquisitions.

edited 27th Aug '12 2:48:26 PM by Rareitor

OH GOD WHY AM I A CAR!? - Forzare

Thanks as always, Rare. I'll write out a response once I get done with my Japanese homework. Oh, and happy birthday, you bastard. XP

Ahuurdurr thayunks

Speaking of giving thanks, happy birthday to YOU. Friendly warning, the files contained within that link may or may not destroy your ears :D

edited 28th Aug '12 11:44:08 AM by Rareitor

OH GOD WHY AM I A CAR!? - Forzare

I'm at work as I write this, so my thought may not be as coherent as usual. You've been warned.

• Interesting analysis of Desi, I hadn't thought of her like that. I suppose she is sort of childlike in a way. What's that quote about "the man who has never been hurt" from, by the way?

• Desi contacting Tsukasa: I suppose it could have been done in a more supernatural way, but keep in mind Desi's still trying to keep a low profile. Other ways may have been easier, but much more noticeable, both by Tsukasa and by those around her.

• Madoka's belief: that's exactly what I was going for. In my headcanon, one of the things Homrua wants most in the world is to be believed in. In Madoka and both Kagamis, for a while at least, she found it.

If it is solidly a quote from somewhere or someone, I don't know. What I do know is that it pretty much is a form or part of a trope, I worded it like so from what I've seen so far. To give you a close example: Captain Hammer from the Sing-along Blog, once he but feels pain he falls into a crisis (his world crumbles) because the new sensation is instinctively recognized with fear* and overwhelming at that. From a psychological standpoint -I believe- it can be better explained, but sadly I don't consider myself versed enough to try and elaborate on that.

.*as we all know, fear and love make you do stupid shit

edited 29th Aug '12 3:48:38 PM by Rareitor

OH GOD WHY AM I A CAR!? - Forzare

Okay, I went back and rewrote the end of the scene between Kagami and Konata, and I feel like this is much more in line with Konata's character, not to mention more ambiguous about whether she's really jealous or not. What do you guys think?

Feels more natural imo... except maybe for the shut up part, but meh, I think I'm just overreacting on that one.

edited 2nd Sep '12 9:46:06 PM by Rareitor

OH GOD WHY AM I A CAR!? - Forzare

Much better. I like that scene now.

Good phrasing — she sounds like she's trying to convince herself as much as Kagami.

Thanks for your help and opinions, guys. I went back and made some other revisions as well, and I'm much happier with how it's reading now. Dunno if I can finish it tonight, but this week is a definite possibility.

SLIGHTLY UNRELATED ITEM #1: One of my readers on FF.net asked me to read a Madoka fic of his called Ripple Effect a while back, which intersects but doesn't exactly crossover with Back To The Future. I finally got around to it last night, and I'm flat-out astonished at how well it works... it's a hell of a lot better than it has any right to be. Seriously, it's one of the best put-together fics, Madoka or otherwise, that I've read in a long time, and I'm pleased to give it my BHS Genius Author's Stamp O' Approval™ Check it out if you have the time!

SLIGHTLY UNRELATED ITEM #2: Rare, have you gotten around to reading Respect yet? :D

Crud! I knew I had something else to read! I might get around to it this week if nothing screws with my schedule, thanks for the reminder.

OH GOD WHY AM I A CAR!? - Forzare