Would you date someone who has different religious beliefs?

To answer the question in the OP: Yes, I might date someone who had different religious beliefs than me, provided I like them as a person. I don't think a person's religion really matters, so long as it doesn't harbour any tangible, negative effects.

General statement: How can people argue that "X MUST LEAD TO X", or "IF X, THEN MOST LIKELY X, SO X" when it comes to people? We're all different; some people may find religion a deal-breaker when it comes to relationships, but some don't. There isn't some kind of universal guideline or logic when it comes to how someone might react to something, or how they might view certain things; it's all- as Wayne Coyne would put it- a mysteryyy.

@annebeeche:

Once somebody breaches my Great Wall Of Politeness and enters the friends-and-family zone, I have the tendency to try to "convert" them to my way of seeing things, this applies not only to religion but also to politics and choice of diet and everything else.

With people who already are your family, this sort of thing doesn't matter. You argue with each other, you ridicule eachother, you find some points you can agree on, and five minutes later the topic has shifted to something else entirely.

But with things like newly acquired friends and with mates, it just doesn't work that way. It drives a wedge between you and you aren't "still family in the end". Those arguments would ensure that you'll never get to the "being family" part to begin with.

It's a safer bet to just look for someone who's mostly like you, at least when it comes to topics that people take seriously.

To answer the op's question. Yes.

In fact I do. I'm a staunch Atheist who has never believed in God and disagrees with much of organised religion. My special lady is a memeber of the Salvation Army and a fromer Vicar. We are both very aware of our differences and will debate them up to a certain point (she's never going to convert me and vice versa so beyond a little friendly banter and the odd interesting discussion of why something is as something is we don't get into the proselytizing). There's much more to our relationship than that though, so many things we agree on, so many we see the same way and there's the whole love thing, which is nice.

So, as long as there's room for compromise in your life and as long as you can appreciate someone elses values then i think it's very possible. I vertainly hope so anyway as we're getting married next year.

I'll tolerate their religious views if their religious views tolerate my lack thereof. New Agey religions and the milder forms of Judaism and Christianity are fine.

Hail Martin Septim!

I'm not religious but my parents are. My dad is a total bigot while my mother is much more open.

Meanwhile, I'm convinced my mother wants me to marry a Jewish girl. I had a chance with a Jewish girl in high school but I was afraid of what my dad would say (my mother would have loved her, no doubt). I somewhat regret the decision.

More Buscemi at http://forum.reelsociety.com/

"But with things like newly acquired friends and with mates, it just doesn't work that way. It drives a wedge between you and you aren't "still family in the end". Those arguments would ensure that you'll never get to the "being family" part to begin with."

I'm actually perfectly fine with having friends whose sensibilities I find odd or repulsive. A partner, however, needs to be on the same wavelength as me.

edited 5th Dec '11 12:30:20 PM by kashchei

And better than thy stroke; why swellest thou then?

Well said.

Hail Martin Septim!

Hopping in to say:

As long as you and your partner agree on how you want to carry out your lives together and you two have worked out a deal that satisfies both of you, go for it.

Respectfully tell everyone else you two are in the relationship, not them and be happy.

If you are of a specific religious or even cultural persuasion and feel like you can only have a successful marriage or family life with someone who holds those exact beliefs, be a dear and don't date outside of your faith/cultural group. Don't start something you don't intend or want to finish with someone who is not as Kash so perfectly put it "on the same wavelength" as you.

"Psssh. Even if you could catch a miracle on a picture any person would probably delete it to make space for more porn." - Aszur

My mom is a pretty devout Southern Baptist (so that's like extra Baptist) and my dad is agnostic if not atheist, and only goes to church with us on holidays to indulge my mom because she wants to do things as a family. Religion has never been anything they've fought about, ever. For some people it doesn't matter as long as they love the person, others it matters more. I'm actually pretty ticked about some of the things wantonly implied about religious people in this thread, it's pretty prejudiced in my opinion. All atheists and such pushing that religion is bad, are as jerkish as those bible pushers who hound people on corners. Hypocrits, all of them.

SPATULA, Supporters of Page Altering To Urgently Lead to Amelioration (supports not going through TRS for tweaks and minor improvements.)

I would not call them hypocrites. Misguided, certainly; but if you truly believed that non-Christians are going to be tortured horribly for all eternity (most Christians do not believe this in the least, obviously — this bears repeating, as I sometimes get the impression that many non-Christians think otherwise) then it would make perfect sense to do everything possible to save other people from such a ghastly fate — and conversely, if you truly believed that religion is a force for evil and the world would be better without it, attacking it and attempting to convince people of its falsity would be an act of selflessness and generosity.

This said, I have some questions, if you do not mind.

How did your parents manage the issue of the education of their children, for example? What did they teach you when you were little? Did you go to Sunday School, or not?

I'm curious.

edited 8th Dec '11 3:58:11 AM by Carciofus

But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.

I have gone out with atheists and agnostics before. It was never a problem.

I'd never 'date' anyone who followed one of the Abrahamic religions, though. The differences in world view would be too great.

kaschei: "I'm actually perfectly fine with having friends whose sensibilities I find odd or repulsive. A partner, however, needs to be on the same wavelength as me."

Same here. One of my friends is a capitalist.

edited 8th Dec '11 5:03:37 AM by InverurieJones

'All he needs is for somebody to throw handgrenades at him for the rest of his life...'

Really? I would have thought that the difference between a Neopagan and an Atheist is greater than the one between a Neopagan and a monotheist. After all, the latter two are in agreement over the existence of the Divine, although they are in disagreement about many of Its properties...

edited 8th Dec '11 5:06:06 AM by Carciofus

But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.

Fuck buddies? Sure. A short-term relationship? Perhaps. Marriage, kids, white picket fence? Not a goddamn chance.

I wouldn't want to raise a family with a monotheist: Monotheistic religions are prudish, close-minded, intolerant and typically propagate through fear and guilt-trapping. I wouldn't want kids of mine to grow up under such an environment.

When it comes to having a family, the choice's between a pagans/buddhist/agnostic/atheist partner.

You exist because we allow it and you will end because we demand it.

It's all that 'one true god' and 'everyone who isn't like me is going to hell' stuff.

If someone is convinced that your religion is blashpemy then that's not the basis for a happy relationship.

'All he needs is for somebody to throw handgrenades at him for the rest of his life...'

Well, 'everyone who isn't like me is going to hell' is actually a minority opinion among Christians. And Hebraism never had anything like that, just to mention another Abrahamic religion.

And while I get that a Pagan might not want to date someone who disbelieves their gods, I do not see what difference does it make if that person does or does not believe in the existence of some other god...

As I said, I don't think I would want to date someone who does not belong to Christianity; but if I relaxed this, I'd rather date a Pagan than an Atheist — I think that I could relate with the former better, even though we would be in disagreement over much.

edited 8th Dec '11 5:19:11 AM by Carciofus

But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.

Really? To what extent would you be comfortable to let your own kids participate in Pagan rites, honoring Gods that whose worship (according to your religion) is a grave sin?

How would you deal with your partner's blanket objection to any teaching of Christian morals whatsoever? Many Pagans I've met consider christian notions on right and wrong outright contemptible.

All things considered, you'd probably get along with an atheist better... believe it or not.

edited 8th Dec '11 5:27:50 AM by SavageHeathen

You exist because we allow it and you will end because we demand it.

I would be somewhat uncomfortable with having my kids participate in any non-Christian rite, certainly. But if they paid homage to Zeus or Odin or whatever, I would think that their sincere, well-intentioned worship — mistaken though I would believe it to be in the details — would still be not unworthy.

Remember, Saint Paul praised the Athenians for their piety and the abundance of their temples. He was not sucking up to them: he was sincerely pleased that, even among Pagans, such piety could be found.

On the other hand, if my children scoffed at the very idea of the supernatural, if they refused to recognize the spark of divinity which is inside of each man and woman, if they truly believed in the vulgar form of materialism that's popular nowadays... well, that would hurt. I would not disown them or mistreat them, obviously, but I would not be pleased in the least — I'd think that they are separating themselves from a very important (perhaps from the most important) component of the human experience.

Judging from my own limited experience, and from what I have read of classical Pagan texts, the difference is far less than you expect. Especially for certain forms of Paganism — Plotinus was a Pagan, you know, but the morals that he discusses are admirable (although I think that he goes more than a little overboard with his "the spirit is more important than the flesh" shtick).

Same with Seneca, just to mention another famous Pagan moral philosopher.

The idea that Paganism means "woo orgies orgies orgies" is bizarre and, I think, more than a little insulting towards it. If anything, the great Pagans of old placed more emphasis on self-discipline and restraint than Christians ever did.

edited 8th Dec '11 5:48:12 AM by Carciofus

But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.

Sexual purity is considered hardly relevant if at all among many pagan circles. Christians make an absurdly big deal out of it.

Many pagan religions place their emphasis on basic fairness, trustworthiness and don't be a jerk. Being honorable is what matters, purity being a non-issue. There's the whole love affair christianity has with guilt and submission (the whole begging for forgiveness shtick), which is considered outright harmful in mainstream pagan thinking.

There's overlap, (neither set of ethics condones, say, mass murder or swindling) but the ethics taught by Christian parents and those taught by Pagan parents are wildly different.

You exist because we allow it and you will end because we demand it.

Your understanding of Christian morality is, I think, rather limited. I won't go into the details (we'd be getting offtopic, but perhaps we can make another thread for that), but that's not how it works at all.

Also, sexual purity*

is certainly not unknown of in Paganism. Ever heard of the Vestal virgins?

But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.

Yup: That's a particular Etruscan priestly tradition... There were certain religious offices in a few pagan religions that had sexual abstinence as part of the job description... At any rate, it was a small priestly college at one particular religion, without parallel through most of the pagan world.

But chastity was rarely (if ever) expected of secular folks. The whole abstinence until marriage, monogamy afterwards obsession Christian sects have is not at all common among pagan traditions.

You exist because we allow it and you will end because we demand it.

Chiming in, for what it's worth:

Myself — Spaniard and lapsed catholic, although it is undeniable that growing up surrounded by catholicism has impregnated my mind and influences many "instinctive" (for lack of a better word) reactions I have.

My S.O. — Chinese and practising buddhist (I accompanied her during a pilgrimage to an island off Shanghai which is one of the biggest and most important buddhist sanctuaries in China), as well as practising what (for lack of a better term) could be termed "traditional Chinese religion" (East Asians tend to be much more relaxed about following religion; many of them see nothing wrong in following two or more at the same time).

The cultural and religious differences have been no obstacle for our relationship. If anything, we have more friction about whose turn it is to cook tonight, who left the toilet seat open, and what TV channel to watch.

Also — My S.O.'s parents are muslim (mother) and traditional Chinese/atheist (father). They appear to be really happy together and I couldn't see any sign of problems or tension among themselves the times I've met them (three so far). My S.O. confirms that her parents are very happy together.

edited 8th Dec '11 6:07:32 AM by JoseB

GLUUUURK!

I replied in the new thread.

But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.

The answer to this question is a definite yes. My girlfriend is a very apathetic agnostic who refuses to tie herself to anyone religion out of a general dislike of becoming too attached to any one group. Increases one's chances of blindly adhering to a philosophy like a tard. I am an unusual agnostic polytheistic Thai Theravada Buddhist who worships Guanyin. I consider myself to be quite religious and quite devoted, but my girlfriend considers me to be the tolerable and good sort of pious person. Instead of just preaching constantly on street corners I tend to act the philosophy. In fact I attempt to utilize every last little bit of it in daily life, from meditation to Buddhist phenomenological theory. According to her I'm not nearly as bad a Buddhist as I say, though I am a rather odd one, and I'm good at teaching about the religion because I'm nice, patient, good at providing examples, and mostly show through practice than never ending FIRE AND BRIMSTONE preaching.

edited 8th Dec '11 3:34:48 PM by Aondeug

If someone wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells, then that's their business. We know what we're doing. - Achaan Chah

I would feel extremely uncomfortable dating a non-Jehovah's Witness. My religious beliefs are to important, to deeply a part of who I personally am, that it would just cause conflict and heartache for any tremendous difference of opinion to work.

Even then, she would probably have to be on a similar 'level', as me: if she wasn't very spiritually minded and only did things half-heartedly or begrudgingly, that wouldn't work either. On the flipside, if she basically just preached and studied, and did hardly anything else, I'd feel incapable of living up to her standard, and that would create further conflict.

@Carciofus We went to Sunday school and church with my Mom, my dad doesn't have a problem with it. The church, if nothing else, is good way to give your child regular moral education (even though, even as a christian, I admit that mainstream Christian churches tend to have some prejudices; some of my personal beliefs are quite outside the norm, for instance I believe in gay marriage and universal salvation, and Think the Great Tribulation is symbolic or a past event, rather than a future event.) Also, if God turns out to be real, we've got the in, you might say. If he turns out not to be real, than no harm no foul. Still had some good food at those church potlucks.

SPATULA, Supporters of Page Altering To Urgently Lead to Amelioration (supports not going through TRS for tweaks and minor improvements.)