Am I letting this guy off too easy?

Okay, I've got an idea for a short film. It involves a recently murdered thug waking up outside of an "Afterlife Cinema" and being told that he needs to watch his entire life from start to finish. If he gets through the whole thing, he gains entrance to heaven, if he tries to leave at any point, he goes to hell. Accompanying him in the cinema is an obnoxious angel who riffs and cracks mean spirited jokes throughout.

Just to clarify: this protagonist has brutally murdered, mutilated, and even raped several people while he was alive. Before the film starts he's subjected to a short trailer for it. The trailer alone disturbs and horrifies the protagonist so much that he leaps through the portal to hell before the film even begins. It's then revealed that those who go through the hell portal willingly are the ones who're truly repentant and it actually takes them to heaven.

Problem is: Do you think this guy is getting off too easy?

That depends—why is he horrified? (Or to phrase it another way, why wasn't he horrified when he initially did these things?)

Um...Yes.

Never mind that this completely tramples upon most religious beliefs regarding the afterlife, but it's hard to convince the readers that your protagonist is truly repentant just because he left the theatre. Guilt and repentance are two completely different things, and it's sort of insulting to suggest that true repentance is just as easy as exiting a room. Even if he does feel guilty enough to feel like he deserves to be in Hell, does not necessarily suggest that he's repentant of it. It's easy to say "I shouldn't have done those things" after the fact, but if he had a chance to do things over, would he change his behavior? Would he be willing to change his whole attitude?

Well, sorry for trying to come up with a cool idea. I guess I'll just change it so that the portal sends him to hell as first stated

The idea is that there's a difference between doing something in real life, remembering it, and being forced to rewatch from an outside perspective (with a guy constantly talking over your shoulder and TRYING to make you feel like shit)

edited 14th Nov '11 12:13:07 PM by gingerninja666

It's not like it would be the first idea to "trample" over religious ideas of heaven and hell. There have been plenty of gimmicks involving angels, afterlife, etc. thrown into films.

It's not the gimmick that bothers me. It's the idea that there's a Secret Test of Character that can alter your fate, or the idea that repentance can be achieved so easily.

You asked, I answered. Instead of abandoning the idea, try expanding on it while addressing the issues that I brought up. Maybe make it more challenging. Show that your protagonist has truly repented, and isn't just feeling guilty or disgusted at the things he's done. As I said, it's easy to say that you did wrong when shown directly to your face what you did wrong, especially with divine beings telling you that you did wrong, but it's a lot harder to change your ways and to attempt to make right what you did wrong.

It's just supposed to be a short, amusing (in a Crosses the Line Twice kind of way) film that tells a simple story. Him abruptly leaping for the hell room at the end is kind of the punchline.

I was just wondering if I should add that little "It's actually a Secret Test of Character" thing right at the end. Evidently, that's not a good idea. Thanks.

I am interested in expanding this premise into much more serious feature length film. So at that point I'll utilize your advice. Again, thanks

Wait, he goes into heaven by running away from his crimes? That ain't right.

I think the idea works best if he doesn't directly commit the misdeeds, instead finally being shown the outcome of all the times he walked away from a chance to help someone else.

Uh, it seems to make sense that if someone willingly goes to Hell, they would end up in purgatory instead, right?

I think it has promise as a short story. It seems a little like something from The Twilight Zone.

However, since you are asking: hypothetical scenario. Say we have two almost identical people, Dave and Bob. They have essentially the same character, have lived very similar (but not identical) lives, and the same threshold for when they'd walk out. There's just one fairly small difference: once, Bob, say, murdered a kid, and Dave, say, tortured the kid to death with maximum sadism. The sadistic torture is over both of their thresholds. So, when that part of the film comes up, Dave walks out. Bob doesn't, and stays through to the end.

Result? Because Dave did a worse deed than Bob ever did, he goes to heaven. Note that it is only because he did a worse deed — they both have the same character, same "penitence threshold," etc.

You don't have to address this in your story, obviously, but it seems a little perverse that one person could go to heaven and another to hell when the only real difference between them is that the one who goes to heaven did something worse.

It's only too light if it doesn't fit the story you want to tell.

Otherwise our opinions are effectively meaningless. You can't plot by committee.

Go with the original idea. It's clever and would probably read well, nevermind fitting into conventions. Maybe have him clearly repentant but sure of his own goodness at first, sort of cocky that he'll make it through the whole thing. Then have him feel he deserves hell sometime along the trailer instead of only being horrified.

Make him, as a changed man, realize that the person he "was" still deserves punishment to some extent, and through that realization (willingness to punish himself) be truly recognized as a new, better person. That degree of separation between old and new clinches it.

edited 15th Nov '11 10:49:46 AM by DoctorDiabolical

It could work well, but I'd say it might work better as a short story than anything else.

But you should have some reason of why he's so horrified now and why he did those things in the past. I know that some works of this nature have amnesia, and/or in addition have some sort of horrid past.

You can't really repent for something unless you acknowledge and accept what you've done first.

Like I said, it sounds like this guy's just running away from his misdeeds, and whilst that might be understandable, I don't see how it deserves a reward.

He thinks he's running away to a place where he KNOWS he'll be punished for all of eternity though.

edited 17th Nov '11 5:34:16 AM by gingerninja666

You'll have to word it carefully - make sure that the audience gets that he's walking through the portal knowing full well what's on the other side of it, and that he's doing it because he finally understands that hell is what he deserves. I still think it's getting off too easy, but you might be able to pull it off if you can show real repentance.

Word. Make it clear that it's a deliberate choice, not just blind panic.

What about inverting the premise a little: Have the guy stay there for the whole movie, and either accepting or rationalising every horrible acts he commits. In the end, he expects to go to heaven, but the angels instead says that no one who is capable to fully accept or rationalize such crimes is worthy and sends him to hell or, make him realize what a monster he was and let him walk away just before the credits roll, thus sending himself to hell (purgatory?), but earning a possibility of redemption in a future.

The main problem is that, basically, yes you are letting him off too easy. Finding redemption for a crimes you describe with a simple Secret Test of Character simply wont feel fair for a most of readers/viewer.

agreed

I'd keep the story the same and let the readers decide for themselves whether or not his "Punishment" was fitting.