Nick: If they're both accepting that their marriage is "over" in every meaningful sense, then so be it. If this other guy makes your mom happy and she's comfortable with how it's changed her, it's her call. Since your Dad allows it (not to say he's 100% cool with it, but he enables it regardless), then they've reached some sort of stability they're comfortable with. *shrug*
I'm not going to say what she did was right, but they're grown-ups. Let them live their lives.
Yeah, this entire statement is pretty much what I've been saying.
Well, that's the "rock in the shoe" problem. It's like I said before, some things in marriage basically come down to a pain threshold. Let's say you have to do something that requires you to walk/run for a long, long time (let's say for miles) and if you stop even once, something bad happens (you lose a race or an endurance test). Near the beginning of the exercise, you discover that you have a rock in your shoe. It's not bothering you too bad right now, and there's no way to remove it successfully without drastic (and possibly costly) action. So, you let it slide.
After a few miles, the constant rubbing of the rock on your sole starts a sore spot. After several more miles, it turns into outright pain. And then, as you enter the final stretch, it becomes impossible to ignore.
Apply that same logic to a relationship. You're right in that "deal-breakers" take a while to accumulate, but the "breaker" problems usually evolve from the ones that are there the whole time and weren't noticed. What she used to think was hilarious and quaint has become immature and tacky in her eyes. What you used to think was an apt and strong personality has become a pain in your ass. And I don't personally know any couple that can catch every issue that grows this far before it happens. Maybe some (leaving the toilet seat up, constantly damaging the house/car, growing defensive over any little criticism, etc.) can be caught and dealt with, but as long as there's one (and there always will be), it threatens to be the one that finally breaks that camel's back.
Not saying it's guaranteed to happen. But again, even if it's 50/50, that's not exactly uncommon. You're basically saying that marriage is a literal Coin Toss.
edited 8th Nov '11 7:52:12 PM by KingZeal
Uh, so can I get reply if I understood your point right? .-. Or do I need to challenge your point in order to get a reply?
So I guess I challenge it in advance just so I will know if I understood what your point was 
Isn't that kind of like saying that since you could die in every day of your life in thousands of different deadly ways, you have much bigger chance to die before you would die naturally at old age?
Except, we cannot end the marriage. Divorce is simply not an option.
My dad, though, does not accept it, nor does he enable it if he can help it. Ever since he found out, he has made several rules my mom cannot break, or he moves out of the house. Even though she cooks for him at his apartment, she cannot cook food here. She cannot go with him anywhere with my little sister Arry if its not fishing or camping. He can never come over while we are here at the home.
Christian, his son, cannot come over.
And if dad moved out, that would KILL her ability to see Marcos. Its his big card, and we're not playing it too soon.
Your father is blackmailing your mother? Yeah, I can see why she'd look for love elsewhere.
And better than thy stroke; why swellest thou then?
F-22 1986 Concept
She was dumb enough to start it when he apparently is in a better position if the "marriage" implodes. I fail to sympathize with her.
@Blue Ninja,
I realize that it takes work. Never said it didn't.
I'm just starting to think that even that—"work makes for a good relationship"—is over-idealized.
Also, that pothole would be wrong, because I don't think that.
USAF713 on his phone or iPod.
If financial benefit is the only incentive to stay in a marriage, it has already failed.
And better than thy stroke; why swellest thou then?
The Mod with the Migraine
@Spooky: Huh? I'm legitimately confused.
Personally, as an American black male, my biggest worries besides "old age" ( which, on its own, is really vague) are heart disease and diabeetus diabetes.
No one claimed they were.
edited 9th Nov '11 8:15:06 AM by KingZeal
Do not mistake this for blackmail.
It is a means of making sure my sister is not exposed to that family.
And besides, I do not think he would.
@King Zeal: I asked originally "So anyhoo, your point was that since there are so many factors which could cause that, even if nothing ever happens, it is "high probability" that something happens? Thats rather cynical, but I accept that explanation "
"Wait, so it's only a successful marriage if, what, you still want to bang your spouse? What makes it failed, if not the betrayal of trust?"
Can you walk me through how you concluded that?
And better than thy stroke; why swellest thou then?
Cynical? Not really. It's just acknowledging that a lifelong romance is hard work, and that people who "fail" at it (although that word in itself is loaded language) were often people who started out with more or less optimistic intentions.
I didn't ask if it was cynical, I asked if that was what you were saying
I'm not sure how to answer that. Probability does not work for hindsight.
? What then were you meaning? Thats what it sounded like o-o You were talking about how even if couple has been for years together without problems, it doesn't prevent problems uprising...
It doesn't. It's no different from saying that just because you've been in perfect health since birth that you're guaranteed to live to see 100.
Well, if you don't want to bang your spouse, but you do want to bang other people, that might be a sign something isn't quite right.
^^So I DID understand what you meant? I'm now being confused
What he meant was that a good relationship in the past and present isn't a guarantee of a good relationship in the future.
Love Saves
How about you want to be with yo' spouse, but not bang them.
A case of true love has the same redeeming power as a case of genuine curiosity: they are the same.
For the vast majority of human beings, that's not exactly healthy
.
Love Saves
It's like The Straight Will And Grace and Heterosexual Life-Partners. Life partners don't have to have sex.
A case of true love has the same redeeming power as a case of genuine curiosity: they are the same.
But they are going to want to have sex with others; which, again, isn't inherently a problem so long as both partners see no harm on extramarital sex.
And better than thy stroke; why swellest thou then?
Love Saves
Yup, as long as they both agree to it, it's ethical.
It might still hurt if they make that sort of deal without knowing what they're getting into though. That sort of polyamoury doesn't work very well, especially if among the flings you meet someone... interesting.
A case of true love has the same redeeming power as a case of genuine curiosity: they are the same.
@Nick: My condolances.
That’s the epitome of privilege right there, not considering armed nazis a threat to your life. - Silasw