ITT: We are all detectives.

-Lights a cigarette-

Fellow detectives, inspectors, private I's, and gumshoes, welcome to my office. I'm sure you're all wondering why you have been assembled here. The reason is this: one of us...

...Is a murderer!

• KRAKKATHOOOM!!!*

Every one of you has a motive for the recent killing of mayor Siht. I have brought you here so that you may hash it out amongst yourselves until I reach a conclusion. Let the battle of deduction begin. By the way, please noone press the big red button in the middle of my desk.

...Oh, and my assistant Fiona has just served drinks. Please, help yourselves.

Need a tall, brawny fella to come by and inspect your pickle? Perhaps I may be this fella.

I will not take your drink.

Now using Trivialis handle.

-Grabs a whiskey and starts an inner monologue out loud- This was quite the problem. Here we have some of the best private eyes in the country, and one of us is a criminal. Of course, I knew that no one was to be trusted. Every piece of evidence had to be checked twice for tampering. Lucky I was on the job. My name is Quarterman. I'm a private detective.

Restating the obvious tends to get one nowhere in an investigation, Quarterman. Though I applaud your excellent recap, even if it is a bit...soon.

Need a tall, brawny fella to come by and inspect your pickle? Perhaps I may be this fella.

You drive. I have to go over the case notes.

-Realizes I was saying my monologue out loud- Right. Um, sorry about that.

-Sniffs whiskey suspiciously- So, where to begin? It would be best if we paired off. Someone is a murderer, and can tamper evidence.

-Sifts drink in hand-

Alright then, let's first establish the cause of death, time of death, and the supposed alibis of each and every one of you on the day of the murder.

mario is red, i am green, i try my best, but everyone's mean

From my examination of the body, the vic's throat was slashed. I haven't heard word from the coroner yet, but I think the time of death was about 12 hours ago.

I was working the Johanson case at that time.

edited 24th Sep '11 10:24:28 PM by Quarterman

Ah, the Johansen case. Can you verify?

Need a tall, brawny fella to come by and inspect your pickle? Perhaps I may be this fella.

Yeah, call up Captain Franklin of the Major Crimes Unit at the Park Hills station. He can vouch for me.

At the time, I was working on an odd case. A body was bludgeoned to death with a weird beefy banana with a yellow apple with small shades staring at the body. Call up the Rondals on 44, they'll vouch for me.

mario is red, i am green, i try my best, but everyone's mean

-Calls up both officers-

Your alibis check out. Neither of you are he murderer.

Need a tall, brawny fella to come by and inspect your pickle? Perhaps I may be this fella.

Good. Now that that's settled, you have yet to give us an alibi of your own.

Me? I was having a drink down at O'Malley's with the chief of police, Thomas Mc Shea, off hours of course. You're welcome to confirm with him.

Need a tall, brawny fella to come by and inspect your pickle? Perhaps I may be this fella.

Simply by being in this thread, this level of egoistic thinking is possible for Erika Furudo. What do you think of this, everyone?

edited 24th Sep '11 10:46:59 PM by CommanderObvious

This level of trolling is reasonable for Commander Obvious. What do you think of this, everyone?

-Nods- I think I'll do just that.

-Calls O'Malley's- Yeah...okay...right...thanks

Well, you're clean. Which means we're no closer than we were before.

All right, let us share our names so we get connections.

Now using Trivialis handle.

Okay. My name is Quarterman. I have an office on Fifth.

you don't really need to know my name, I'm only here because I'm in it for that challenge, besides, I don't need an alibi, I just got into the city a few hours ago, I have an office in another state. and besides, pairing off wouldn't be a good idea, what if it's more than one person, one does the deed, others cover for them and give a credible alibi, we would need more people, and besides, it could be someone that hasn't arrives yet. so until everyone is here, there is no way to be certain about if there is more than one person involved... or if it was even any of us, it could be the person that is least suspected, a random person off of the street that didn't like the mayor... everything is uncertain for now...

selling property in hell, lake-of-lava front timeshare with hitler or cheap 5th ring, only 250000 souls

-Lights cigarette- Don't know how things are done where you come from, but here we cover all the bases.

You're acting pretty suspicious, friend.

of course, there's a reason that I'm one of the best, not only do I look at things from angles that nobody ever looks at unless they think differently on a fundamental level than everyone else, but I look at it from the perspective of a criminal, attempt to throw off suspicion, see how it works, if it does, then that's probably how they thought if they were an assassin, if they were just a random murderer, they would do a lower quality kill, this one was almost definitely trained in some way, or at least knew the human body and it's vulnerable points very well, look, the slash severed the jugular, and the larynx; and from what I've seen of the room, they somehow kept the blood from going far, the only blood is on the body and the bed.

selling property in hell, lake-of-lava front timeshare with hitler or cheap 5th ring, only 250000 souls

I agree with Quarterman. Can you verify your alibi?

Also, I am quite sure that everyone whom I invited to this gathering is here.

edited 24th Sep '11 11:40:44 PM by Aniventerie

Need a tall, brawny fella to come by and inspect your pickle? Perhaps I may be this fella.

-Takes a puff- You're pretty good. I suspect that you're assertions are accurate. Of course, we can't jump to conclusions. We can't make bricks without clay.

But you missed a small bloody imprint of a ring on the pillow.

edited 24th Sep '11 11:42:31 PM by Quarterman

We must also make of note that the murder weapon was quite dull. Most assuredly not the work of a trained assassin.

Need a tall, brawny fella to come by and inspect your pickle? Perhaps I may be this fella.

One thing I noticed is that none of the doors or windows were forced. Most hits I've seen don't care about property damage.