ok so uhm.(fic can be classified as NSFW)

I wrote this fic, http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7366234/1/Crystals_demises. I was wondering,if by chance ANYONE thinks it could belong on the High Octane Nightmare Fuel for fanfics. It's only got two chapters atm, one just an intro the other the fic itself. I'd really appreciate it if someplace thinks I could put it there or not.

No.

I don't know about the source material, so I cannot comment any aspects pertaining to the canon, like fidelity, creativity and the such. I can, however, comment a good deal about the technical aspect. There are a few things I have got to say.

• Your grasp of technical writing needs a lot of improvement.
  • Pick one tense and stick to it. Most of the time you couldn't decide whether this is written in present or past tense, which can put reader off a great deal.
  • Author's note. I am quite certain that (i) using one entire chapter as an author's note is frowned upon by FF.net's etiquette, and (ii) inserting author's note in the middle of prose is frowned upon by writing etiquette period. Don't do that.
  • A big problem is you are writing not a story, but more like a character death concept. Which is not a story. While that is not a problem in and of itself, to put forth what amounts to a character death concept as a story is... not a wise idea. There is no plot, no story, no purpose, no beginning, no anything. It is just that, a scene that is at the very best semi-coherent.
• As for your original question, whether this makes for good High Octane Nightmare Fuel? No. Here are the reasons:
  • Nightmare fuel, crowning moments of awesome/funny/whatever and whatnot are Subjective Tropes. This means three things: Not everyone feel the same about them, they occur naturally in the course of a story and they are inseparable from the story's context. Hence, a detached scene, however horrifying it is (as in, Cthulhu Mythos-esque horrifying and incomprehensible) on its own would never qualify. The same deal goes with your work. You don't make a detached scene of HONF. You make a story, and in its course, some HONF happens. Two completely different things.
  • Taking a step towards the subjective end of criticism, your description does not come off as terrifying to me at all. Aside from the various technical issues above that reduces immersion greatly, the content of your entire scene, as I see it, comes off as trying too hard to be terrifying. This is a mistake many inexperienced writers tend to make: Blood, dismemberment, organs falling apart, etc. etc. does not in themselves convey horror. The context in which said violence happen does. You can write a scene consisting almost solely of BLOOD GORE BRUTAL MURDER BABIES EATING and it can still be funny rather than horrifying. On the other hand, you can write a scene of complete, utter bliss and serenity and yet many people will lose sleep over it.

Here are a few suggestions: Improve your technical writing. Don't write a scene just because of the shock value. Rethink your idea, and turn it into something with context. And most of all, keep in mind that a scene alone does not a HONF make.

Good luck on your endeavors.

Ah thanks for the input.

So, I'm thinking on a rewrite of that, and need a basis idea for the next one. Mind lending a hand?

It's gone