Greek Mythology:Would you want to live in it?

"Hey, man. I just said some bad shit about Aphrodite.

...Am I going to die?"

Aphrodite now the thing not to piss her off is that you should not be more beautiful than her.

No. The gods bordered on Superdickery level antics. I recall one story for Medusa or something which started out with a maiden getting raped and ended with the enraged wife of the god turning the raped maiden into something hideous for her punishment.

Dionysus can hardly be considered cool. Drunken orgies this one has nothing against, although she'd prefer not to participate, but murderous drunken orgies are a bit different.

Picky picky.

You know Princess Celestia would go for it. Anything to liven up the boring old parties.

Hermes: “Hey, how was the Gala? How was your best night ever?”

Zeus: “Terrible! Turns out ponies don’t like being raped by bulls at all!”

Poseidon: “ And when I flooded the lobby because somepony said “the ocean makes them sea sick?”, turns out ponies can’t breathe under water so well.”

Aphrodite: “And did you SEE when I turned that pretty mare inside out? Ponies acted like I shat in the punch bowl!”

Hera: “And did you SEE when I SHAT in the punch bowl? Ponies acted like I ate a filly!”

Cronus: “And did you SEE when I ate that filly!? Ponies acted like I wasn’t doing it because it was for the greater good!”

Hermes: “That sounds like the WORST night ever!”

All: “IT WAS! Hahahahahaha!”

Zeus: “Hey…where’s Dionysus?”

*Princess Celestia and Dionysus walk in, Celestia swaying back and forth with every step*

Celestia: “Hey you guys…let me tell you ‘bout this guy…his wine…is AWESOME…and you guys…I love you guys… *collapses, passes out*

All: …

Zeus: “…So…drunken orgy?”

Dionysus: “I thought you’d NEVER ask!”

All: “BEST NIGHT EVER!”

edited 3rd Sep '11 10:20:01 PM by Justice4243

Come to think of it, life in Greek Mythology is only slightly less grim dark then Warhammer 40000 and Berserk, and only because the gods are merely dicks rather then complete monsters. Even the heroes don't have it easy: Heracles turned insane and killed his family, Achilles lost his best friend/ lover and later his life, Jason's sons were killed by their own mother. A commoner would be pretty much be trampled on for his entire (probably short) life.

edited 3rd Sep '11 10:21:36 PM by Jauce

To wit, are the things the Olympus gang did much worse than what happened to Job and the Isrealites. just sayin'

Anyway, I'm trying to read a book about Roman religious practise (it's a recent book, based on up to date archeological finds), and if we think of Roman and Greek religion in practise, I think they're quite pleasant and harmless. You know, unless you're a priest of Diana *

Considering God eventually restored Jobs everything and Job made out better in the long run. YES the Greeks are worse. The Bible at least provide ancient Hebrew logic justification for what goes on it. It's admittedly still fairly horrifying by today's standards, however Zeus seems to rape girls because they are pretty and it's a Tuesday.

edited 4th Sep '11 12:27:04 AM by Justice4243

Well, YMMV, but I feel the same way about that as I did about anarchy vs police state. If the OT God is vengeful, then at least he'll only do something bad to me if I do something he didn't want me to.

That's preferable to being raped and then turned into something and then possibly murdered anyway, because I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and pretty.

Basically, if the resident deity/deities are going to be assholes anyway, I'd prefer them to be working on some sort of rule system.

Job's chilren might object.

God doesn't wake up with a boner, rape the females of your family and have his jealous wife kill them afterward despite you saving your mutant children to roam the earth.

Knowing my luck, I am certain that, were I to live in the world of Greek mythology, I would not last two days before being transformed into daffodil, end table, or whatever the ancient Greek equivalent of a piano was.

Don't forget that people raped by Zeus often ended up killed by Hera in a fit of jealousy.

Considered "property" by the ancient Hebrews.

Also not even close to having anything to do with the topic.

One thing: everybody remembers the sucktastic parts of Greek mythology, mostly because we have a different concept of "good" and "fortune" nowadays. These days, we equate equality, freedom, and charity with goodness (not to say that they aren't), while in the Antiquity era, goodness and fortune were basically whatever the gods decided they were. The lesson of most Classical myths was "don't get in the gods' way, and if you do somehow, try not to piss them off".

My point is, during that era, mankind sometimes benefitted from the presence of gods as well. The problem was, you have no freedom over it and very seldom was it based on merit.

I'm actually really fascinated by the idea that the ancient Greeks believed that how the god's behaved was "fair" by any stretch of the imagination.

It's really interesting that actions from god might have met with little more than a shrug and a "thems the breaks" a la the Cyclopes in the Odyssey being blinded by Odysseus.

edited 4th Sep '11 2:07:22 AM by Justice4243

Solution to all this crap: free the Titans.

They were more moral than the Olympians. Kronos even gave a golden age to mankind.

This involved eating his children.

Well, its was the baby Olympians who suffered by it, not mankind.

I suppose, but The Other Wiki article calls it a "Golden Age, as the people of the time had no need for laws or rules; everyone did the right thing, and immorality was absent."

I'm having a little trouble with the last two points considering this means Cronus eating his children was "the right thing" and perfectly moral.

Begs the question as to why he didn't just stop having sex with his wife/sister. Or at least, in the ways that result in babies.

Though, if a Greek mythology apologist (supposing we have one) wants to explain it to me, I'd be fine hearing it. I'm not looking for a debate, just rather curious as to how the Greeks viewed some of these events we consider pretty reprehensible today.

Do note that Kronos began as the god of agriculture; maybe abortion/sex without kids was against his personal morality code?

Blue-and-Orange Morality would not even begin to describe that.

If the alternative was nonexistence: yes. If the alternative was our world: no.

Keep in mind, also, that it is not impossible that many of the myths describe the changing of one set of gods/religion for another.

All the sequence of myths could be interpreted as follows:

-The early inhabitants of the lands that would become Greece possibly worshipped Mother Earth (Gea) and her children (Titans).

-A wave of invaders comes that worship other gods (the Olympians).

-Conflict ensues, and the winners adapt their myths to incorporate the subjugation of the previous inhabitants and their religion (Titans being overwhelmed by the Olympians; Gea creating a monster to fight Zeus; Zeus overthrowing his "father" the Titan Cronos symbolizing the overthrow of one set of gods by another).

Regarding the peculiar morality of the Greek gods, it seems as if they were viewed as forces that did whatever the fuck they wanted because they *could*, and were worshipped not so much as a sign of love and gratitude, but as a sign of respect (in the "respect for the Mafia don" sense) and making sure that they wouldn't get pissed at *you*. Because you wouldn't like them when they're angry.

edited 4th Sep '11 5:32:56 AM by JoseB

Well, I do consider myself an Athena worshipper in the Neal Stephenson sense. Arachne really is the tamest Punishment of Mortals narrative in the portfolio.

But yeah, fuck that. Everyone is a petty, short-sighted bitch in Greek mythology, regardless of their divinity. (Except Odysseus and family, most of the time.)

Incidentally, if (pre-Alexandrian) Greeks were such homebodies by the terms of great civilizations that the greatest literary work of ancient Greece involves a guy lost in the Mediterranean for decades, why on earth is Greek mythology so heavily mined when it comes time to name a ship?