How is my Harry Potter fanfic?

I'd love opinions on this, please:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7181287/1/Excruciating

Warning: it is femslash, and may be Not Safe For Work to some. Any and all opinions (even negative ones) are appreciated.

How did I do with the characters? It's been a few years since I read the books, and I'm not sure how I did with them, honestly. This piece was a gift for a friend.

Thanks for your time!

squick, squick suick. What did you xpect?

I did not read the fanfic, because I am a lazy ass.

I am just here to say that this guy is a suspected troll, so don't take him seriously.

Is this the cause of that^^ reaction?

It is definitely an... unusual pairing.

Looking at actual material: Well uh... interesting. I think you neglected a couple more warnings, OP.

Bah, I say, bah!

No objections to the rest of the content.

edited 15th Jul '11 6:54:38 PM by melloncollie

moar liek, WHY is this harry potter fanfic! *bah dump, tch!*

but seriously, and I've got to be honest, this works as a slashfiction, but not much else. If you weren't aiming any higher, well you hit the mark, but if not...

I don't mean to be rude, so sorry if I come off that way.

Bella/Hermione earns the first squick automatically. Torture Porn and more Torture Porn earns more squick and I reach for the brain bleach.

OP in the deepest level of your soul, when you wrote this fic, you knew that some people would love it and some would hate it. That was the emotional effect you intended to convey.

AK? I never read that far.

Maybe I should change my username to "Dethritus"?

...I think you should avoid these unfortunate names like the plague. No offense, is that both come off a bit as trollish.

OP: It's... Okay. I like the prose, but I'll have to admit I was squicked by the reasons given by Trotzky.

edited 15th Jul '11 8:52:27 PM by risingdreams

Trotzky: It's meant to be - what, pray, did you expect when you read "Hermione/Bellatrix at the top of that page? It's what my friend asked for - besides, she and I both enjoyed the "torture porn" aspect - and I warned her that it would likely be just that. She wanted me to continue once I'd started... Although, the pairing, as others have noted, is full of Squick. It used to Squick me out completely...

True - my friend said she would reach for Brain Bleach, too, with a Bellatrix/Hermione Torture Porn fanfic, and then she told me that she didn't want me to stop once I started writing it. I was having too much fun leaving her hanging and yelling at me for more, admittedly. Indeed it is, that love-it-or-hate-it jerk-emotional-reaction that I was going for. It's something I enjoy when I decide I want to read porn, myself, so I figured, "Hell, why not?" My friend normally intensely dislikes Torture Porn stories, so her enthusiasm surpised me.

Mr. AHR: Thank you. I appreciate it. The honesty, too.

Melloncollie: Apparently. Not that I mind. I'm glad it's...interesting. The pairing is so strange that it's fascinating, to me, anyway, and I've had sadomasochistic material on the brain for a while... All my friend had to do was ignite it with her request... Probably - duly noted. I will add a Torture Porn warning. I'll fix my incorrect spell, also. Bah, indeed - blame human memory. The human memory blurs events, and details change over time - especially with events remembered "clearly." I'm not saying that the experience was pleasant, or that that should be Hermione's reaction, but her memory, dealing with it, changed some things over the years. Much thanks.

The Earth Sheep: *heh* I wasn't aiming higher. I was writing to excite a friend - porn, nothing more, nothing less. I'm glad it works for the lower bar I set. Were I to do a full story, it would be more accurate and be considerably more fleshed out. Don't worry, you don't sound rude.

Risingdreams: I'm glad the prose is appealing. Understandable - nothing wrong with that at all. I think you can guess, though, what kind of literature I've been reading of late...

I dunno, this is the kind of thing I find implausible without some "magic brainwashing" handwaving. It doesn't fly with my experiences with people who've gone through major trauma.

I don't object to Rape Is Love stories on principle, but it's just not handled very well here. It could only be cornier if Bellatrix returned from the grave and then she and Hermione rode off into the sunset. Where's the guilt, confusion, and self-loathing? I know you probably weren't aiming for realism here but I can't get any juicy satisfaction out of this, it's just blah. Feels like a copout. I would just end the story when she gets rescued, the epilogue is unnecessary, especially if you feel that you don't need to go into Hermione's long process of coping.

edited 16th Jul '11 9:56:18 AM by melloncollie