All Purpose Naruto Fanfiction Thread

Pandora doesn't have drop bears. There are no trees for them to drop from.

I'd say they would either have Skags or Psycho Midgets.

They probably just have other Konoha ninja in fursuits.

The Inuzuka would still have their dogs.

Adult Inuzuka dogs are known to reach the size of houses.

Also, next chapter of Three Jerks and a Scarecrow:

Haruno Sakura VS the World, Sarutobi Hiruzen VS Orochimaru, Senju Tobirama and Senju Hashirama, Uchiha Sasuke VS the Genin Team from Sound, Temari and Kankuro and to top it off, Uzumaki Naruto VS the Village Hidden in the Sound and the Village Hidden in the Sand.

Or rather, Haruno Sakura wrecks some helpless genin and Kabuto with Team Gai's help, Sarutobi shows why he's the sole person in Konoha Naruto would prefer not to kill, Uchiha Sasuke defends the Uchiha compound like an Uchiha should (by setting people on fire and flinging their flaming corpses at other people to set them on fire) and Uzumaki Naruto gets bored from killing helpless mooks.

edited 21st Nov '14 9:48:25 PM by IAmNotCreativeEnough

Er... I know it's been forever or so since I've last been on here, so I'll make it quick, and (hopefully) concise.

Could someone please give this story of mine some feedback that I can use to clean it up with?

Also, I need a better summary, one that isn't as vague as hell. Anyone willing to help me with that?

Well, I've read the Prologue, and it's not only the summary that is confusing. The first segment of the prologue looks like sometimes it wants to be a narration and sometimes a recap.

To the best of my knowledge, "kohai" is not an honorific like "sempai" - at least, I've never heard that it can be regularly used towards people one respects in this form.

What are those "Fire Samurai" supposed to be? "Excellency" and "Cathedral" are Western concepts, and speaking of which, I've heard that Western dragons are also significantly different from Eastern ones, so be careful there. However, if these points are like that intentionally instead of a "didn't bother to check" mistake, then it might be a good idea to add a more noticeable "This is Alternate Universe" disclaimer somewhere.

The Shadowy Council of Villains is acting too much like a cliche Shadowy Council of Villains to my taste...

You have a sentence somewhere: "and allowed the tears, and their effect, to flow freely". It might hint to some tear-based bloodline ability; either that, or I'm not quite getting what sort of an effect tears usually have. Either way, I would like to bring up this old "show, don't tell" rule. Either show this effect (it can be done vaguely, if you want to keep it a secret for a few more chapters), or don't tell us about it (then it will be much more of a surprise, won't it?).

And lastly, you plan to have a once-in-a-week update rate. That is a good ambition, both as an ambition and as having a regular schedule. But personally, I wouldn't mind reading a story that has only one chapter a month, or even less, as long as they are good chapters.

So... I hope this was at least somewhat helpful.

edited 27th Nov '14 7:05:23 AM by TheNobody

Honestly, I'd consider rewriting it, it's very clunky. Especially the dialogue, it sounds unnatural and stiff.

I'd also advise removing all the chans, kuns and otou-samas. There's not much point cramming unnecessary japanese in your story when it's not a proper noun and you can just write father or nine tails to get the point across clearer.

edited 27th Nov '14 7:31:47 AM by Ironypus

I'd advise to use honorifics only if you're actually going to use them, or make them actually mean something.

They're very good for making the relationships between the characters explicit, and that's their main use, but you shouldn't abuse them.

So I just got done writing Karin into an actually tolerable female.

I'm also gonna write the ultimate Anti-Kishimoto Chunin Exams by having a team of two females curbstomp everyone else. They already started by having a single one of them wtfstomping a team of three males.

PS: I'm talking about this.

edited 27th Nov '14 7:26:13 PM by IAmNotCreativeEnough

Xamusel, I'll read and comment your fic further after you reply.

IANCE - could that be that you're finally starting to post proper update notifications in relevant threads for those who don't get messages from FF.net? Also, Karin with a hammer, that's kinda nice. It's unfortunate that their characters are so different, though.

Yeah, she may as well not be Karin at all. You've cut her out and replaced her with the Queen of Hearts.

Though there's not really much you can do to Karin to make her tolerable without gutting her character.

The only part of her character I was interested in keeping was being an obscenely loyal psychopath.

She is still a highly impressionable twelve years old girl. Who happened to be exposed to Naruto's A+ Rank Charisma for the full month that he trained her up. As you might guess, she's going to turn out very, very different from the original.

Also, even though her appearance and character archetype are influenced by Vita, keep in mind that her equivalent to Hayate here is goddamn Gilgamesh. Given that he's still 'nice' (in truth he considers the 'rewards' he gives quite small... to someone with as much stuff as he has, they are pretty insignificant rewards) to her, he still earns her undying loyalty, and her innately warped mindset is altered even further by unconsciously trying to model herself into the most useful hammer she can be for Naruto to utilize as he sees fit.

edited 29th Nov '14 10:51:41 AM by IAmNotCreativeEnough

...*sigh* Okay, in order:

The Nobody: *wince* I hate it when I don't write things that make sense. In fact, this is the rewrite, mainly because I hated how I was writing it the previous time.

Also, regarding "kohai", that's actually the Japanese honorific for the inverse of "senpai".

Regarding the "Fire Samurai"... blame Tomcat for not elaborating then to me (or by now). As for the western terms, I was being intentional about that... in which case, I hate myself for not being clearer about that sooner.

In regards to the rest... I don't remember what that sentence was for... if I had context, I'd remember, but I don't. Also, the update goal was more on the off-chance that I had all the chapters for the story written well in advance... which I didn't by that point.

Ironypus: I don't think dialogue was my strong point... not sure about that.

Also, as I Am Not Creative Enough has pointed out, I needed honorifics to clear up the level of relationship between people. No honorifics tend to mean they're super intimate... or super insulting (the former needs permission).

I Am Not Creative Enough: I wish to keep honorifics from spewing everywhere... that's another problem I think I have.

edited 30th Nov '14 8:08:31 PM by Xamusel

...really? It's an insult?

Never learned that one.

Not really insulting, more like... rude.

You're basically telling them they're under you, and you're not actually supposed to do that in polite Japanese culture. You're supposed to imply it, yes, but not outright state it. It's generally used when you want to make a point, or when you need to make the distinction absolutely clear. Such as when you want to put a rude idiot in his place.

Incidentally, characters swearing to 'Kami' is a sign that the author does not know the first thing about Japan, Japanese Language or Japanese Culture, and it's annoying as fuck.

Yeah! Swear to Guru instead. Wait, no. Swear to Super Kami Guru.

I'm joking.

Can I just swear to Guru for short?

Since we're on the topic, what do you guys feel is too much? And where do you stand on Japanese words in your fics?

I've seen a fic where nearly all the dialogue was in Japanese, which was obviously way too far. Even random words swapped out for Japanese I don't like unless they fit the situation. I usually stick with honorifics since I feel like it gives more insight into how they all view each other, and the (element)ton since I just think it sounds better than something like Fire or Water Style.

I stick with the Japanese names of attacks. That's it. If you can't convey the relationships between characters without using the honorifics, that's a failing on your end. Too many fanfic writers cheat using honorifics instead of, you know, actually showing the relationships between the characters. And most of them don't use them correctly anyway. Now, there are plenty of fanfic writers who use honorifics who don't cheat in this manner, but I feel it's best to just leave them out entirely.

As little Japanese as possible, except for stuff like Spiralling Sphere instead of Rasengan, that just sounds dumb.

Spiraling Sphere sounds kind of redundant. I mean, no matter how a sphere moves, it's going to be spiraling, right?

Why? It could move in straight lines, it could move in a circle that never gets larger or smaller, it could move in lots of ways.

IANCE - I thought you swear to Goku?

Goku isn't a god. He turned the position down, remember.

Been watching lots of Dragonball Abridged.

edited 3rd Dec '14 4:59:19 AM by Archivist10