Military Grade Shitposter
Six: -to Albert- Sounds fun.
"Seven is here too, dressed like the concept of choosing clothes that look nice together was an arcane secret far beyond their grasp."
@Six Albert: If you'd like to live in terror everyday, sure. Personally? I like to be able to use the bathroom without any worry that I'm about to get shot. Or stabbed. Or eaten. Or stabbed, shot, and then eaten.
edited 2nd Sep '14 6:08:09 PM by Nemtsol
Will make dad jokes for friends.
Military Grade Shitposter
Six: Sounds a lot like the Human-Covenant War, for anyone on the frontlines.
"Seven is here too, dressed like the concept of choosing clothes that look nice together was an arcane secret far beyond their grasp."
Albert: The what now?
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Military Grade Shitposter
Six: War I fought in. Long, bloody - really bloody - and we only really won because the aliens had some religious differences with each other.
"Seven is here too, dressed like the concept of choosing clothes that look nice together was an arcane secret far beyond their grasp."
Albert: So, normal war with extra gore? That sounded more asshole-ish then I intended.
edited 2nd Sep '14 6:18:27 PM by Nemtsol
Will make dad jokes for friends.
Military Grade Shitposter
Six: ...The final estimate for human casualties - military and civilian, the Covenant were fighting a war of extinction - was somewhere from 28 to 32 billion lost.
Humanity also lost all but two planets with any form of large industrial capacity; Earth, and Mars. There were some colonies that went unaffected, but every single human planet that mattered was lost.
edited 2nd Sep '14 6:19:34 PM by SpartyMcFly
"Seven is here too, dressed like the concept of choosing clothes that look nice together was an arcane secret far beyond their grasp."
Albert: Sorry for my asshole comment...What's a "Spartan"?
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Military Grade Shitposter
Six: I'm a SPARTAN.
But the SPARTANs were supersoldiers. Three generations existed - the Ones, who were testbeds, the Twos - your typical asskicking heroes of legend - and the Threes, of whom I'm a member.
We were basically slightly depowered Twos, but more expendable.
Right now humanity's onto the Fours. But that's just semantics.
"Seven is here too, dressed like the concept of choosing clothes that look nice together was an arcane secret far beyond their grasp."
Albert:...If you are a Three, I'm fleeing at the sight of a Two.
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Military Grade Shitposter
Six: -to Albert- Flee. I'm almost as good as the best Two there was - the Master Chief.
Expendable, my left tit.
Anyway.
When it comes to Twos and Threes, who we are is simple. At the age of six, I was abducted from my home by Office of Naval Intelligence agents and taken to a military camp on a fairly distant planet. I was educated, and trained in warfare.
At the age of fourteen, myself and the several hundred other SPARTAN trainees were given aggressive biological augmentations. When I say I'm better than you, I actually mean it. I was designed from the ground up to be, because I had to.
Our bones are nigh unbreakable - the only time we've reported bones breaking from stresses beyond combat involves a prolonged fall from orbit. Our muscles are denser - we can run faster, lift heavier weights...
Our retinae were modified - we have natural night vision. Our nervous systems have been rewired - on average a III can react to something a full four times faster than anyone else can. 'Spartan time'.
All of these augmentations were delivered via drugs.
edited 2nd Sep '14 6:40:31 PM by SpartyMcFly
"Seven is here too, dressed like the concept of choosing clothes that look nice together was an arcane secret far beyond their grasp."
Albert: Not the type that you can get high off, right?
Will make dad jokes for friends.
Military Grade Shitposter
Six: Pharmaceuticals, you dope. 
The Twos got it a bit worse. Instead of drugs injected into their bones, they had surgery performed. And over half of them either died due to complications or were rendered entirely unfit for duty.
Their night vision comes because the flow of blood through their retinas was reversed. And that had the chance of making their bodies reject the retinae and inducing blindness.
They got their unbreakable bones because a carbide ceramic was grafted directly onto some of them. And that ran the risk of irreversible bone pulverization if they had a sudden growth spurt.
Their enhanced strength was twofold - muscular injections and a catalytic thyroid implant. Some of them got elephantisis, others got so strong their hearts basically exploded. Everyone got a suppressed sex drive - which I pity them for.
And their increased reflexes came from direct edits on how their nerves work. It gave them... somewhere around a 1400% reflex boost, apparently. Supposed to be 300%, like ours, but they just took to it better. And that came at the risk of developing Parkinson's or Fletcher's.
So you can see why about 56% of 'em died because of the augmentations.
"Seven is here too, dressed like the concept of choosing clothes that look nice together was an arcane secret far beyond their grasp."
Albert: The wastelands look ever so peaceful now. Even Ghouls sound like they're getting a better deal.
Will make dad jokes for friends.
Military Grade Shitposter
Six: Ghouls?
They don't sound nice.
"Seven is here too, dressed like the concept of choosing clothes that look nice together was an arcane secret far beyond their grasp."
Albert: Their just folk who either got a huge burst of Radiation or got a huge amount and didn't die. They can heal from rads, and don't age. But they look like corpses and are in fact slowly decomposing. According to a few that I've talked to, the voice box fucks up after a few days and you start to sound like you've been smoking since you could get you're hands on them. Oh, and there's the chance you'll go feral.
edited 2nd Sep '14 7:05:19 PM by Nemtsol
Will make dad jokes for friends.
Military Grade Shitposter
Six: ...Not even going to ask how they could take a lethal dose of radiation and not die.
"Seven is here too, dressed like the concept of choosing clothes that look nice together was an arcane secret far beyond their grasp."
Albert: The current theory is that God is a dick.
edited 2nd Sep '14 7:11:10 PM by Nemtsol
Will make dad jokes for friends.
Military Grade Shitposter
Six: True, that. God is the biggest dick.
"Seven is here too, dressed like the concept of choosing clothes that look nice together was an arcane secret far beyond their grasp."
Albert: He's such a dick, he created dicks. That's a level of dick no one can reach.
Will make dad jokes for friends.
Military Grade Shitposter
Six: -stares for a few seconds-
...by God.
"Seven is here too, dressed like the concept of choosing clothes that look nice together was an arcane secret far beyond their grasp."
Albert: The guy sent his son out into the world to die. And he also retconed the dinosaurs.
Will make dad jokes for friends.
Military Grade Shitposter
Six: -to Albert- He didn't retcon, the dinosaurs, he just refused to believe they existed.
"Substituting superior reality", he called it.
"Seven is here too, dressed like the concept of choosing clothes that look nice together was an arcane secret far beyond their grasp."
Albert: Ah. He also told a guy to kill his kid and then said, "Just kidding!" And flooded the world.
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@Six Albert: Nuked to all hell, full of assholes, and you're lucky if you get a week of peace.
Will make dad jokes for friends.