How does this synopsis sound to you guys?

Fellow Tropers, I need your feedback. I have an idea for a romantic/erotic novella that I want to pitch to you guys, but most of the plot came to me all at once and I’m not sure how feasible it is. As such, I’d like you to give me your opinions.

I’ll go through each Act of the story one by one to make it easier to follow.

WARNING: Long post incoming!

ACT ONE

We meet our protagonist, who reluctantly works for an organized crime syndicate by handling their vice racketeering operations (prostitution, porn and fetish). He was originally a small-time pimp, but when he began to make money, the mob muscled in and made him and his girls work for them, without the option of refusing. All things said, the protagonist is a decent guy who wants to make a living and protect his own, so he tries to run his operation as ethically as possible. He’s often refused to pimp girls who are on drugs (this is also a practical concern, as it’s too risky to spread disease) and girls who are victims of human trafficking. Everyone who works for him does so out of choice. Since he brings in money, his “employers” don’t give him too much grief, but every once in a while, they weasel in. So, naturally, he wants out.

Over time, the protagonist finally makes a friend in a billionaire philanthropist with who funds a lot of the protagonist’s business, including several legitimate fronts. He’s kind of slow and tends to spend way too much time with Hookers and Blow but is a cool guy at heart. In essence, he kind of lives the rockstar live. The two of them discuss plans to eventually sever ties with the outfit and become completely legit, but aren’t sure how to get it done. In the meantime, however, the two of them hire some private security to better protect themselves and their loved ones.

ACT TWO

Introduced here is our female lead, a young woman that the protagonist meets online through trusted acquaintances and takes a genuine interest in. She’s a former soldier returning to the States, looking to start a new life while working as a personal trainer. He wants to get to know her as a person, not letting her in on anything regarding his “business”. As you might guess, he hires her as his trainer and they become extremely close, though both seem reluctant to try a Relationship Upgrade.

Through an overheard conversation, the female lead learns about what the protagonist does for a living. She’s understandably shaken, but is more accepting when he explains that he wants to be legit, but can’t so long as the organization controls his life. She sympathizes with him and explains that she’ll do anything she can to help. Finally, after spending most of this Act with Will They or Won't They? Unresolved Sexual Tension, They Do.

Some time afterward, however, the protagonist gets a call from his best friend stating that the female lead is two-timing him with another man. Though he’s certain she wouldn’t betray him like that, his friend suggests that he show up unannounced at a house where she’s supposedly meeting the “other guy”, along with a team of security just in case.

But as soon as he arrives, the security team ambushes him and attempt to kill him.

ACT THREE

The whole thing turns out to be a setup, and his “friend” has actually been The Mole the whole time, reporting everything they’ve done to the outfit. Now, the powers that be have determined that the protagonist is starting to become a liability due to his “bleeding heart” and the friend, who is already a billionaire anyway, could probably run the operation better. The friend sees this as an opportunity to become a Made Man and earn more status and power. When this deal is done, he’ll control the outfit’s activities in LA, Vegas and Chicago.

The protagonist fights his way out of the ambush, but is injured and exhausted during the struggle. He gets a timely rescue when a mysterious black van pulls up and he jumps inside. Inside the van, to his amazement are the female lead and a team of MIBs.

She reintroduces herself as an FBI agent, who was assigned to infiltrate the outfit and find a way to disrupt their operations. She determined that her best chance was to ingratiate herself to the protagonist (whom she believed to be just a typical mob grunt at the time) but that she was pleasantly surprised to learn that he’d been fighting against them all this time. Thus, she believes the two of them could be allies.

The protagonist is, of course, pissed at having been lied to all this time and at first refuses to cooperate. However, he later realizes he has little choice. Having been marked for death, it’s either take down the outfit or wait to die. In the meantime, however, he becomes cold to the female lead and ultimately asks Was It All a Lie?. She explains to him that her answer will have to wait for now, because she has a job to do.

In the end, the two of them manage to break up the outfit. The bosses at the top are killed and the weasely “best friend” is shot and arrested. He agrees to be put in Witness Protection until the time comes to testify against his former employers.

EPILOGUE

(Note: This is the part I’m most unsure about, as I’m not quite certain how I want to end the story. I want to keep it plausible, so if anything here doesn’t seem like it breaks Willing Suspension of Disbelief, then let me know.)

The protagonist finds himself with nothing; no money, no business, no friends. However, the Bureau sends the female lead to speak to him with an offer. Though the bosses of the outfit have been killed, from their experience, these types of power vacuums typically result in the creation of smaller units which are harder to find and control. Thus, the Bureau wants to “rebuild” the outfit, but with the protagonist in charge. They’ll return all of his previous assets, in addition to the money the billionaire just forfeited, so long as he acts an independent Agent. Officially, he won’t be a part of the Bureau, and they’ll disavow any support, but unofficially, he’d be their eyes and ears and would have a measure of power to get his hands dirty where they can’t.

The protagonist asks her if this was her idea, and she says no, except for the suggestion of who to put in charge. At the end, he repeats his previous Was It All a Lie? question, stating that whether or not he accepts the offer depends on her answer.

She smiles at him, opens her mouth to speak, and the story ends.

So what do you think, fellow Tropers? I really like this idea. Should I write it? And what changes would you suggest?

edited 3rd Jul '11 10:31:00 PM by KingZeal

Pimp with a heart of gold is unbelievable in modern life. Build a Sci-Fi world where society is completely different to make it possible.

edited 4th Jul '11 12:02:48 AM by Trotzky

How would a Sci-Fi society make it any more believable?

Twenty years ago Radio 4 had an interview with the leader of the Swedish prostitutes' Party who said "The first thing you need to understand is that it is different in Sweden, we don't have all the rape, murder and heroin that happens to ordinary prostitutes." Journalist asks her what is the manifesto of Swedish prostitute Party? She snorts with contempt, how could he be so ignorant that he does not know. "We want less murder, less rape, less heroin."

If you want a form of prostitution without the standard attributes, you need a non-modern society.

The point of the story, though, is that the while the main character doesn't want to do that stuff, the people he works for do. Forgive me if I'm seeming obstinate, but I'm still not seeing how this is incompatible with modern society. If anything, the fact that this is supposedly rare in modern society actually seems to lend credibility to the villains' motives (their hostile takeover of his operation).

I don't see how making the story suddenly take place 20 Minutes into the Future would change that.

edited 4th Jul '11 2:52:08 PM by KingZeal