Pony Fanfiction Thread

Eeyup.

Reading your story so far, Tobi.

I like it, so far, but there are point where I thought you coulda been more wordy.

But that's might be my slight leaning towards Purple Prose.

I probably could afford to be more wordy. I'm trying to work on that.

@Yami: I personally consider it a classic, and clearly that's the only opinion that matters.

As for those other, less important opinions:

• Chris at OMPR: 3 stars out of 5. Which on his particular star scale means

• Present Perfect: "2.5/5: It's just okay," [sic]
• City of Doors: "This is one of the best stories I have read in a very long time."
• EFNW Fanfiction Spotlight: "While it occasionally struggles with pacing, if you enjoy cerebral, emotional explorations of how relationships change over the course of a lifetime, I highly recommend Eternal."
• The Canterlot Archives: "Even with these numerous complaints, I wholeheartedly recommend it, the world-building, characterizations of the princesses, and the final hundred words of the epilogue are a treasure to behold." [sic]
• Freewave: "One of the best fimfictions, period."

I used Singularity Dream's Master Review List to find all those.

edited 7th Mar '17 7:29:03 PM by MetaFour

Re: Eternal, I concur. It's been a long time since I've read it, and with the benefit of time I can feel it had many failings I didn't pick then, but I still think its pretty great.

@Kegisak That reminds me of one bit of background from Pillars Of Eternity. Souls there are a tangible element, and reincarnation a fact, with everyone retaining the memories and experiences of previous lives (but not necessarily remembering them, unless being "awakened"). One of the companions is a polar dwarf hunter (kind of a Eskimo equivalent) that comes from a tribe with a ritual in which they send one of their hunters to track the reincarnation of their elders, so they can recount them what they did for the tribe and thank them for it, but they don't expect the guy to suddenly remember or answer in any way (one such reincarnation was a bear, and the hunter sent to find it had to recount the events of its previous life screaming while running away ). The companion is in such one quest, and explains its a good way to create bonds with the rest of the world and not become isolationists in their small snowy island, and I haven't finished it yet, but in a dialogue with the main character they can consider the idea of the ritual being more for the peace of mind and closure of the tribe and the elder's family than anything practical.

edited 7th Mar '17 8:31:06 PM by Connelly

"What Cats Know" is a lovely, melancholy tale. It makes me feel things, and I don't entirely know why.

There's some amusing irony in some reader reactions, though. As the author noted:

Glargh. That awful feeling of trying to write while another scene is like, "OMG so many feels, forget that scene, FEEL MY FEELS!" Your feels are fine! I will get to you when I get to you! But I'm writing this now!

I know that... uh, feeling.

Let the urge to write that scene act as motivation, to drive you forward through the fic!

So far, a lot of my scenes have been a whole lot unconnected dialogue pieces as I just have people talk. I don't think any of the individual scenes are bad, I quite like them but... what was the plot again?

Sounds like you've got to figure out your central narrative. A-Plot, B-Plot, C-Plot, etc. You might even find that some scenes don't fit at all, which is okay. Those can be pocketed and brought back at a later date, when there's a better place for them.

When I scrapped Canterlot Rendezvous, there was a pillow talk scene I really liked that found its way into the first chapter of The Crystal Ball.

I do have a plot, persay: the Celestial Sisters are going to introduce the brand spanking new baby immortal that just got created to delegates from around the world, Nyx, who was made from a shard of the Nightmare. Some of the delegates respond poorly to this. But this isn't a whole plot, this is just another scene.

There is an overarching plot this ties into: The witch Hydia is going to attempt to sacrifice the baby to steal her enduring spark and make herself immortal. Also, an immortal tengu, daughter of the Rage Spirit, working for her for the chance to unlock her sealed away powers. But none of this is slated to happen in this story, this just introduces Nyx as a thing that kicks off into a later plot.

edited 8th Mar '17 9:24:55 PM by God_of_Awesome

So... fanfic idea:

"In recent news today, eight kids, all of which were reported missing for more than two years, have been found by the Washington Memorial at around 5:30 in the morning. Police are baffled by this recent event, especially since all previous efforts to find and locate these kids ended in failure. What were once presumed dead children are back. But what's weird was that they claim to be from a place called Equestria. A psychiatrist has been assigned to analyze the kids and figure out what happened in these two years. We'll give you more details as the news progresses. Back to you, Tucker."

These collection of stories are the shrink's reports on the children's adventures in the land of Equestria, namely the traumas they faced and the scars that have come about from it. They all shared the same conclusion: they were conscripted to battle a dark entity known as Sombra and after months of grueling battle, they won with heavy costs and were sent back to their world.

So now the question is: "What happens to these kids when the dark is gone?"

Based off a story game of the same name which is basically based off the question of "What happens to the kids after they went to Narnia?". Liberties have been taken with the general idea of the game (namely the characters here are still kids when they visit the shrink as opposed to years down the line when they're adults).

Thoughts?

Truth be told, I feel that would just be a great premise for an original story, period.

I know you said it was based of a Narnia concept, but I'm getting very strong Digimon vibes from it.

Or vice versa, I just realized...

Also that. It basically takes the whole "kids save another world from evil" idea and pretty much asks And Then What?

It's a premise pretty rich with potential. Neil Gaiman actually wrote a short story called 'The Problem of Susan' that deals with something kind of similar.

As far as fanfiction goes... well, I don't much care for Human in Equestria in the first place, but I feel like it souds difficult to justify as pony related in all but the most superficial way. If you start with the What Now, then i feel like the actual details of their adventure becomes fairly minor.

I was thinking that too. It sounds like something that could easily be an original work with just the most minor of tweaking.

I actually just had that conversation yesterday with my BFF. She's been working on a fic for the video game Smite, but Smite is a MOBA with nothing even remotely resembling a plot. It's just various mythical gods fighting in arenas. She's done a ton of groundwork for explaining why gods are fighting in arenas, the politics of gods fighting in arenas, the metaphysics of how fighting in arenas empowers them, etc. etc.

But the game is just "A bunch of gods fight in arenas." There is literally nothing more to it. So we got to talking, and I suggested that if she just tweak out any direct references to Smite's mechanics, it could probably stand on its own as an original novel just fine. Nobody owns a copyright to the vague premise of divine gladiatorial combat.

Sometimes a great story idea doesn't need to be a fanfic.

edited 9th Mar '17 11:41:40 AM by TobiasDrake

Apologies for the double post but I'm conflicted and need advice.

It's not so much about The Crystal Ball but about what comes after. I've got a couple of conflicting ideas for what's ultimately the same story, and the big distinction between them comes down to tone. I've been trying really hard to match tone with the series thus far.

I've had a lot of ideas for how I want the third story to play out, but for the ones I really like, I think there's a lot of emotional weight and strength to be had from them that I feel really works with what I wrote in Single Point of Failure and what I'm writing in The Crystal Ball; however, they would mark a departure from for a much more dramatic tone.

So I'm torn between:

1. Finish The Crystal Ball, then do the third one in the way that keeps the light-hearted tone of the series.
2. Finish The Crystal Ball, then do the third one in the more emotionally powerful way that emphasizes a more dramatic tone, because that version features stronger characterization and a much more powerful conflict.
3. Do the second one, but write a Breather Episode between them so readers going through each story can have a break from The Crystal Ball's drama before the third one comes in with the heart punches.

Chapter Two of The Crystal Ball is now drafted.

Oh golly, this is a little cringey.

<.<;; In a bad way? Because I'm totally open to suggestions. That's why I post drafts.

Cringe always bugs me, so I'm not the best person to ask. As much as I see it, I can only imagine it has its place in fiction, but I often end up feeling embarrassed reading cringe.

I mean, like, is it cringey in the sense of the characters' behavior towards each other, or cringey in the sense that the story isn't worded very well and is badly written?

It's character drama, so there's supposed to be an element of bad choice-making and incomplete assumptions in some of the cast's actions, and Twilight in particular is channelling bits of episodes like Lesson Zero and It's About Time in her behavior. But I'm not sure if that's what you're referring to by "cringe".

Oh, the former then. Characters being embarrassing people is embarrassing to watch. Still reading. Spousal abuse.

Edit: Weird bit of re-pairing you did at the end there. I suppose that leaves Pinkie and Flutts as the spares, eh? I could imagine Pinkie taking to acting as Flutt's social screen, drawing attention to herself while Flutts hides behind her tail.

edited 12th Mar '17 8:50:38 AM by God_of_Awesome

^.^ Yeah, it's supposed to be weird. The titular Crystal Ball is a lovely gesture by Cadance to try and help Twilight and AJ, utterly ruined by the cast's antics at the end of the chapter.

edited 12th Mar '17 9:30:15 AM by TobiasDrake