Is this too narmy and other questions

First, English isn't my first language. Of course, this isn't an excuse for bad writing, but if you read anything that sounds unnatural or a word has an subtle nuance or alternative meaning that hinders fluidly reading the story I'd be grateful if you tell me. I wrote the story in dutch first, then I translated it (while I still altered minor parts of the plot and characterisation).

Then, I'd like to know how believable this is. I'm not a combat veteran or soldier, but war plays an important part of the plot. The conflict in question is the one in Iraq since I like to write about real settings (although the main storyline is set 15 years into the future) if possible, which brings me to a next question: would it be better if I used an undefined conflict?

Third, I feel like one of the characters is rather shallow.

Last, I'm not sure about the ending. As I mentioned in the title, it might be (or is probably) quite narmy.

You can find the 5 pages long short story here: http://www.scribd.com/full/54956454?access_key=key-3haw3z06u9chwydf6la There are swears in it.

It is my first story I have ever finished (the plot that is)

edited 8th May '11 11:46:45 AM by honorius

I should probably give a short summary about it. Its about a veteran who gets dug out of a collapsed building after a nuclear war by a lone survivor, and he remembers her eyes from something.

Also, check the spelling, grammar and all those things like periods, commas, dashes and stuff. I can already tell there's some problems with that.

edited 8th May '11 2:46:31 PM by NotSoBadassLongcoat

I checked it several times now and got a better version: http://www.scribd.com/doc/54999235

There is no need for introducing a characters name if its mentioned in the next chapter and its clear that it's the same person, right?

It also needs a title.

edited 9th May '11 4:02:14 AM by honorius