Romance myself, radical self love?

How to do this, love myself? Weird. Does anyone know how to do this? Can it be broken down into simple steps? Advice wanted.

"Had Mother Nature been a real parent, she would have been in jail for child abuse and murder." -Nick Bostrom

Is this a self-esteem issue or a request to be taught actual narcissism? If it's the former, it's not exactly 'radical' and merely requires that you be comfortable in yourself and happy with your life.

"You can only come to the morning through the shadows."

I have self-esteem issues. But it's also a request to be taught narcissism, literally self-love. I don't want to become more shallow and egoistic, I want to be able to accept and even love myself.

"merely requires that you be comfortable in yourself and happy with your life"

Yes, that's the end goal. But how?

edited 1st May '11 3:25:55 PM by LoveHappiness

"Had Mother Nature been a real parent, she would have been in jail for child abuse and murder." -Nick Bostrom

Well, the most basic thing you could do is make a list of good personality traits, things you are good at, and people that love you for said qualities.

If you are one of those critical self-esteem cases who can't think of anything to put on said list, learn a skill. Anything, really. A language, an art, an instrument, sports, academics, your job, heck, even a videogame. After you see yourself making progress, tell yourself that you did a good job, and brag about it towards your friends. Do not try to minimize it by saying things like "Others are way better then I am" or "Anyone could do this". You did the work, you made progress, and now you deserve to be complimented. Keep going, or if you lost interest, find something else to try your hand on.

The key is seeing that you are not completely worthless, and with a little practice, are capable of doing things others can't. And be proud of it.

edited 1st May '11 3:51:34 PM by Kayeka

As I'm slightly narcissistic myself, I can only vouch for the benefits of exercise and broad reading. If you see noticeable progress in yourself pride can be quite hard to restrain.

I'm not sure why you'd want it though. Self-esteem is a wonderful thing, but narcissism is generally seen as irritating and obnoxious. Indeed, I try to keep it to a minimum or joke about it, just to remind myself that I suck as much as the next guy.

edited 2nd May '11 12:41:17 AM by DanEile

"You can only come to the morning through the shadows."

In my experience, it's hard to self-love when you haven't felt love from others. I don't know what your family or social situation is like, but I actually recommend trying to find a psychologist to work with on building your self-esteem. If you live in Maryland, I might be able to recommend you one.

Otherwise, I agree that things such as exercise is beneficial. Also, learning to play a musical instrument can be extremely self-gratifying, as long as you're patient about sounding good (I'd recommend maybe the piano or guitar) and have the money/time for it. Also, going out to enjoy nature, just being outside in general, I have found beneficial to my self-esteem. Sitting on top of a rock formation you just climbed is a wonderful feeling for me.

I'm working on it.

Apply hand to genitals - oh wait, you're cutting off your junk. I don't know, drugs?

Yeah that's what I thought you meant.

Compare yourself today with yourself yesterday, did you do better? Give yourself a pat on the back. Did you do something nice for someone else today? Give yourself a pat on the back. Did you accomplish a major goal? Go out and get yourself a reward (I find some chocolate does wonders).

It's just a matter of understanding that while you're not perfect, you can still be a good person, at least for me anyway.

The thing about making witty signature lines is that it first needs to actually be witty.

This run against the principles of the academia and the professional.

"We don't care that you have tried. We don't care if this is the best you can do. What we do care is a quality job."

In the professional world, this essentially means that headpatting yourself is worthless.

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But the important part is that you, yourself, have improved. You'll probably never be the best without extensive training, but at least you can grow and with that growth, you'll be able to eventually put out higher quality products and services that you will be respected for. However, you need to start with yourself, tell yourself good job for doing a little better each day and push all the harder when you don't think you've hit up to par.

The thing about making witty signature lines is that it first needs to actually be witty.

I agree that seeing improvement does wonders for your self-esteem, but in the end I'm not sure that it leads to self love. I like looking back at my past accomplishments to see what I have achieved, but that is not what makes me feel good about myself in the end. What truly makes me feel good about myself is doing things I enjoy (such as hiking or playing the violin) and being around others who I love and enjoy the friendship of. That's part of the reason I recommended exercising or going outside to try and enjoy nature. It's not over-thinking who you are (which in my experience usually leads to negative thoughts). It's going out and doing something which is both healthy for your mind and your body. And when those are happy, self-love tends to follow.

I'm working on it.

Likewise, the expression of love for others can be a little harder for people who have problems with themselves, or so I've heard many times. So, then what?

edited 1st May '11 9:50:01 PM by SPACETRAVEL

whoever wrote this shit needs to step on a rake in a comedic fashion

Yes. I agree it's a bit of a catch-22. That's why I suggested getting help from a therapist, as they would know more about trying to help solve this problem then myself (only a psych minor). However, my other best advice is to try and find people who love you for who you are (and such people do exist), and do your best to love others in return.

I'm working on it.

I'm not talking about trying, I'm talking about improving. Doing a bad job is indeed not worth a headpat. But spending energy on conquering and expanding your boundaries is.

Same deal. Sometimes you've spent your resources to do that, and indeed had made some improvement. Guess what? It is still not up to the standard. By industrial standard, you fail no less than the one who doesn't even try, since the bottom line is only the quality of the product you can produce at the end of the day.

Bottom line is, such notions as congratulating yourself for your improvement are only useful for the self, and even then that is arguable. I personally feel a person who is constantly bombarded with "you're a worthless maggot, and if you don't try harder you'll end up being food for other maggots" have more of an impact as a motivation for self-improvement than self-congratulations.

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Bah, I don't feel that self-congratulation is the way to do it. Then you become complacent, and complacent people don't become great.

It's more of always prioritizing your own needs and avoiding self-hate. So a neutral attitude towards yourself, I guess.

Love Happiness, you're making way too many threads about how to deal with your issues.

My advice is to get on some meds, see a shrink and get a hobby or two. Tangible things that contribute to your skills.

Sorry if this sounds overly harsh, but you're leaning too much on people you barely know online.

Swordsman Troper — Reclaiming The Blade — Watch

And I don't feel that, especially not in the case of the OP, as he's the sort of guy that already believes he is food for maggots. What he needs now is confidence, so he can build pride, so he can feel that people who tell him that are wrong. Tell him he sucks, and he'll just go "Okay, I already knew that" and keep on sucking. Tell him that he's been getting better lately, and it will motivate him to keep improving.

edited 1st May '11 11:03:35 PM by Kayeka

"Sorry if this sounds overly harsh, but you're leaning too much on people you barely know online."

I know, but I just ask if I feel like it. I'm a very open person, for better or worse. Plus I love you guys. I'm not hurt at all, but it's very hard for me not to trust you guys a lot. My therapist told me not to trust you guys, but that feels mean.

"Had Mother Nature been a real parent, she would have been in jail for child abuse and murder." -Nick Bostrom

Um, your therapist might be right. I'd listen to him/her.

I'm working on it.

What do you want from the people you're talking to online?

whoever wrote this shit needs to step on a rake in a comedic fashion

Trained therapists or crazy bitches on the net...

The first sounds more reliable. Even if we are nice.

If someone wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells, then that's their business. We know what we're doing. - Achaan Chah