Spain Sun's "The Twilight of Man" serial After The End whatsit

So yeah, I got some positive feedback on some stories I put in Troper Story Time on another site, so I made a thread for them. I want to write more than the two I've got here, hopefully I will get around to that.

A disclaimer though, I have no intention of being a—if you will—real, writer, I don't have any delusions about my writing ability, so while I will accept criticism, I may or may not act on it, this isn't because I'm blowing you off, it's just because whatever suggestion you gave me I can't/don't feel like following. Recall that I am only doing this for fun, not with any intention of being a good writer (which I don't think I am, but some people disagree, whatevs), so please do not be offended if I do not act upon your suggestions. You've been forewarned.

Anyway, nuffa that, on with the show! I intend to tell this story via a number of first person vignettes. How related they will be remains to be seen.

The Twilight of Man

We all live under a goddamn dome.

A city—nay, a supercity, a megalopolis—under a goddamn dome, what a concept! And what a dome. Thirty years prior to today, if you told someone that we'd all be living under a goddamn dome, not a one of them would believe you. Except the crazy ones, like the armchair zombie survivalists, maybe—funny how little that helped them in the end—yet! Here we are, all living under a goddamn dome. The dome's opaque, solid black. You don't want to see what goes on out there, not unless you're one sick motherfucker. So we don't see the Sun no more, some of us have never seen the Sun. Take me for instance, I've never seen the Sun, not since I was a baby. Even then, I only dimly remember it. The dome's got lights, but it's always at least sorta dark. More than one man thinks that that's why everyone 'round here is so lazy. They say our bodies are used to "dark" meaning "it's time to sleep", so we're always at least a bit tired. The dome's sorta stuck on permanoon, if you want to call it that. But the lights are so high up it's more like what they'd call twilight in the old days. Dim, confusing, and really really shitty.

I guess I should explain about the dome, y'know, just in case future generations don't quite "get" why the former states of Pennsylvania, Delaware, Maryland, and New York are covered in the goddamn thing. See, 'bout fifteen years ago now—I was two at the time—somethin' happened what you might call, if you wanted to use old school terms, a "zombie apocalypse". Now zombies are fiction, so obviously, these ain't zombies in the traditional sense of the meanin'. They're not none of that "zombie virus" shit, neither. Nah, these are zombie parasites, more specifically, zombie parasites from outer-freaking-space. Not a joke. Now these things started raining down in meteors, I'm told. Not natural meteors, odd, spongy-lookin' thingies. Lots of folks think it was the first wave of an alien invasion that never continued for reasons not known to average folk like myself. The parasites came down in the Philippines. I pity the people who'd been livin' there, they was gone within weeks. The idiots up in the White House did the most retarded thing those motherfuckers have ever done. They sent out a rescue squad. Now I don't think I need to tell y'all how that went, but some survived, and they brought the damn folks back. That was their mistake, they brought 'em back. The parasites spread like a wildfire all over California, it didn't take them long to get to the midwest. So the people 'round here? They started building barriers, walls, things like that. It took only a year before they'd kinda coagulated if ya will, into a single wall around some tha' states. We managed to fight the bitches off, so the matter turned to protectin' ourselves. That's when they took to buildin' the dome, and it didn't take too long to get finished, neither. It's actually a bit misleading ta call it a dome, it's really more of a series of domes, or a bumpy shape if you'd look at it from above. But that's not so important.

Before we knew it, we'd become our own little country, elected ourselves a president—his name's Brian Dahl, cowardly bastard—and, really, life kinda went on. And that's how it's been since then. It's been around five years since a major infection's sprung up within the dome, but small ones still happen every now and again. I lost someone to one....let's not go into that, actually—and well, here we're at.

As for me? Name's Mike Logic. Not a joke. Our family changed its name after the disaster, since Dad renounced the Christian faith after the parasites came down(can ya blame him?). We've not heard from the outside world since the Dome's gone up. I'm 17 now, I go to high school, I don't do too well, I don't see a point innit. I'm gonna join the military next year. I hear they gonna send a group—they call it an expeditionary force outta the dome and off into the wasteland. I'm thinkin' of volunteering. If there's really no way to save us, I'd rather die than live in the twilight a' man.

So yep, m'name's Mike, I got black hair, I'm kinda pudgy, I intend to turn that ta muscle. I'm a man a' wealth an' taste—naw, just kiddin'. But maybe, just maybe, I can help us all have a future.

Jandek

Hello, my name is Sterling Smith. I play the guitar and I sing. I live in what used to be Houston Texas, I guess some sort of zombie plague happened a few years back, it doesn't matter much to me, I don't like people anyway. They're nosy and judgmental. At least the zombies won't pester me to tune my guitar right, and of course, if the zombies bother me I can just shoot 'em. Can't do that with people, no sir. People have a bad tendency to not like being shot, the zombies? They just seem to not care.

Only person I miss is John. John played the drums, but the zombies got to him, made him one of them, so I had to shoot 'im, it broke my heart it did, but it's okay, Pat plays the drums too.

I suppose you're wonderin' who Pat, John and them are. Well Pat is Nancy's sister, and Nancy is what I like to think of as an angel come to Earth—she sings like one, that's for sure, now don't get me wrong, Nancy's got her moments like all women do, but Nancy's Nancy. Nancy is also my wife. Pat is Mike's wife. Mike is a poet, writes 'bout what he sees. Likes that "Shake Spear" guy. Good guy, but too eggheaded if y'ask me. Pat is Nancy's sister and she sings too, just not as good. Eddie sings too, sometimes Eddie and I sing together, which is a great way to pass the time. The electricity went out long ago, so we can't record no more, but it don't bother me none, when we all gather round to sing and play, that's when we're really a family. Lastly, Gertrude is Eddie's wife, she don't sing or play nothin', sometimes we write songs 'bout her though, not much else to write songs about no more. 'cept the zombies. But who wants to write about them?

Anyway, here they come again. The shotgun's low on ammo, but we should be able to hold 'em off, after all there's only ever a few at a time....'course, it looks like there might be a bit more than that this time....

'k, that's what I've got so far. Questions and comments are welcome. I will answer the former to the best of my ability, and see my statement above on the latter.

Also, I am aware my title sucks. If you can think of a better one don't be afraid to bring it up with me.

edited 22nd Apr '11 7:40:40 PM by SpainSun

I for one thought the title was awesome, considering the setting. Props.

Hm, thanks.

Anyway, I'm zetta bored, so here's another one starring a vigilante semi-based off "I'm the Goddamn Batman"! Batman.

It's supposed to be funny, but it might just be me that finds it such.

A Knight With a Cricket Bat

I honestly couldn't tell you a damn thing about my regular life. I mean, I guess I could tell ya the basics. I'm a high school student, history is my best subject....My name's Georgianne? Sorry, I don't know what else to say. Most of my life is pretty boring.

That was before I got involved on the streets. I love reading the old comics and seeing the stories about Batman, but those are fictional, Batman doesn't really exist to patrol the streets of this domed Gotham. But I do. That's why I bot m'self a nice cricket bat and started making my rounds. I see a lot of small crime, theft mostly. What do you do to crime? You beat the shit out of it. Preferably while wearing a wide-brimmed hat so nobody can make out your face. Yes, I beat the shit out of crime. Now that sounds dangerous, and it is. I could die any day, but I don't give a fuck. We're all gonna die anyway, what's the point? I figure that while I'm around, I might as well make the most of what I do. And right now, what I'm doing is getting this bitch to drop the purse she lifted from somebody's grandma. Such a typical case it's textbook, bitch drops it, and she runs. Good girl. So now I'm givin' the granny back her purse, you'd think she'd say "thank you" or somethin', but she doesn't, she just silently snatches the thing and then slowly walks away, looking over her shoulder every now and again, as if I'd follow her.

People are so ungrateful, don't you think?

edited 22nd Apr '11 8:32:52 PM by SpainSun

This is just great fun. Keep it up.

o-kay.

Good news: You have a voice that's very easy to get into, and I actually read it as a story, not as something someone wrote on the internet.

Bad news: Your paragraphs might be a bit too rambly.

Geography nitpick: It is kinda funny that they built the dome in a weird shape specifically to exclude New Jersey◊

edited 24th Apr '11 12:11:46 PM by melloncollie