Anyone placed child for adoption?

since it's being debated in the other threads, I was wondering if anyone has known some one who actually did it.

Yes. I also know people who are either in the process of adopting, or are considering it.

For the former: even if it is the internet, I feel like I'd be violating their trust, so I'll just say it's a member of my husband's comically large family and it was a long time ago (like 40ish years). She has never met or heard from her daughter, but that was kind of the standard for adoption back then. Also, one of my friends from high school put her son up for an open adoption, and she gets to see him fairly regularly. I think he's three now, or nearing that age.

As for those getting adoptions, one of my husband's friends and his wife have put in all their paperwork, had their home inspection, and are basically just waiting. They're going through the state, no idea how long it'll take. She's had a hysterectomy, but adoption was always their first choice even before it became apparent she'd never be able to have her own. My sister is also thinking about it, but it won't be for a long time, she's only 20 (almost 21) and in college. However, she'd rather have her own, she just may not be capable of it. She has a fuckload of cysts on her ovaries, whether or not she'll ever be able to have children of her own is up in the air. She could freeze some eggs, however, so she hasn't really made up her mind.

I also had many friends in high school and such who had experience with the foster care system, but that isn't quite the same thing.

oh that sounds nasty, well I hope the adoption goes well.

I haven't placed a child for adoption, but I have adopted a child. My (only) child is a boy born in South Korea and adopted by us at 8 months old. It's the best thing we've ever done; he's a joy to be around and I can't imagine loving a biological child more. He does have some developmental issues, but they're not related to his being adopted.

My Mom put a kid up for adoption, before she had me.

She was a university student, dealing with (at that moment unrecognized) psychological problems stemming from childhood sexual abuse, and her mother had just died of cancer. She forgot to use protection with her boyfriend, and got pregnant. He dumped her, her father was callosally unsupportive, and she lost a pile of friends. She says she felt very sad about giving up her baby and would've liked to keep the child, but that wasn't an option then. She's morally opposed to abortion.

My pastor actually put a child up for adoption. I'm having a hard time recalling why she told us youth group kids.

Oh, and I was a member of the Evangical Lutheran Church in America, I don't know what her family's stance on abortion was, but nowadays it's not frobidden.

I have a sister and nephew who were adopted, both overseas.

My wife and I have decided that our next child (our first was biological) would be an adopted child. The struggle now is where to adopt from... Import or domestic?

To Exterminator Zed: My wife and I tried both domestic and international adoption; ours ended up being international, but we did become familiar with domestic as well. A few tips:

1) It depends on the country, but in general, with international adoption you apply and essentially get your name on a list. Eventually your name reaches near the top of the list, and you are matched with (usually) a possible set of children; you may choose one of a few possibilities, or could reject them all which will result in more delays. You may need to travel to the country in question and only then be shown your choices, or your choices may become available well before you travel (as was the case in our South Korean adoption). Generally this process takes 1-2 years; longer in the case of China. Children are usually 8-15 months old when you get them, although there are many, many options to choose older or otherwise disadvantaged children (which gets the children to you faster). In my opinion, the South Korean adoption program is the best in the world so far as the US is concerned, but they are slowly shutting down their adoption program, so if you are interested in South Korea, start the application process ASAP.

2) With domestic adoption, you usually create a book of pictures, descriptions, etc. of your family. Prospective birthmothers read these books and talk with social workers about possible adoptive families, and eventually they decide to interview one or more of these families. If they choose you, you're generally given the child at birth. Pros: You have some control over the race of the child (you may choose in advance to only be interested in particular racial combinations), and you're generally given the child right at birth, so the child is yours right from the beginning. Also, you know more about the birth family (of course). Cons: The time it takes is highly variable. I know some adoptive parents who submitted their book on a Friday and were told a child was available 3 days later, the next Monday. Others had to wait up to 2 years. The more picky you are about race, in particular, the longer it usually takes. (Couples specifically wanting a Caucasian baby have the longest waits.) Also, birthmothers often (1/3 of the time or more) agree to give the child up, then change their minds (sometimes right at the birth) and decide to keep the baby—she generally has this right until the baby is actually born and she turns it over to the adoptive parents. It can be a real emotional whiplash, from what I hear. (Note: In general, once the baby IS actually turned over and documents signed, the adoption is legal and irrevocable. Cases of birthmothers legally taking their children away from adoptive parents are actually VERY uncommon, despite what the media would have you think.)

Generally, both processes are equally expensive, domestic slightly more so. It's usually around $25,000, although this varies a lot depending on circumstances. In our case, we were allowed to apply for BOTH international and domestic at the same time and could then take whichever turned out to be available. This did cost somewhat more money (about $1000) then either alone would have, due to extra application fees and such. We ended up having a Korean child available more quickly than expected and going that route rather than domestic.

The teen mom in my biology class put up her son for adoption because she doesn't want him to grow up messed up like him. He's with a a kind family now.

How is she coping with it? If you don't mind me asking?

I've actually seen that happen before. The girl who put her daughter up for adoption visited her daughter quite often and was apparently treated as more of an aunt than a parent. She was apparently quite happy with the outcome, though you could tell she was pretty regretful about the whole ordeal. Never saw high nor low of the guy she was dating after they broke up.

edited 11th Apr '11 9:41:56 PM by Usht

From Lie To Me I heard that some states allow the birth mother to reclaim up to 60 days after birth. I'd definitely suggest finding out what the rules are for the specific state you're dealing with. Can't imagine the sort of additional heartbreak it brings in those rare cases where it happens.

As far as race concerns in the United States, how easy is it for a Caucasian couple to adopt, say, a Black baby? I've heard mixed reports on this, everything from "we don't even consider race a factor" to "we try so hard to make sure Black babies go with Black families that the kids can sit unadopted for extra months before we decide that a non-Black couple is an acceptable choice." You say trying for a Caucasian kid takes the longest; what's the expected wait for cross-racial adoptions?

Also, am I wishfully thinking when I consider that a mixed-race couple with kids of several different races would grow up less biased by race? I'd think if your siblings were all different colors that you'd overlook that factor as much as we overlook hair color.

Then again, I know a Hispanic woman with two girls, same parents for both, one looks like a carbon copy of her mom and the other's as White as could be (freckles and everything). Once while I was babysitting them, I brought out my Brite Music stick-puppets, and had the "White" girl tell me that my favorite puppet, a gorgeous little Black girl, was "ugly"... and when I asked her why, she said (as if it should be obvious), "Well, look at her: she's black."

I'm still confused by the logic behind that one.

^^^ She looks like she's doing okay, almost happy. They send her pictures of him and keep her updated on how he's doing, but as far as I know, she doesn't visit him. She was engaged to the father of the baby, but he died in an accident a few weeks ago.

edited 12th Apr '11 6:43:20 PM by snowfoxofdeath

That's sad , but it sounds like the adoption might of been for the best for everyone.