Nightmare (Novel)

INTRODUCTION AND BRIEF SUMMARY OF BOOK

(This book is still in heavily development stages and no where near a complete first draft!)

After 5+ years of writing this book, and three complete wipes of settings and plot, writing this book has been a Nightmare, but that isn't the reason it is titled as such. I am horribly stuck on this book, and currently trying to do some world building while I characterize my people and their dynamics. Once the characters are done, I can finally write out the plot, after which I can research the military and sci-fi aspects to make things fit properly before sitting down to write the actual book.

The book is placed around 2030, and is a sci-fi/military epic, and centers around a global conspiracy that centers around economic and political control. One man, the unseen 'antagonist' of the book known only by his code name "November", has been rising to power behind the scenes in American politics.

The Martian colony, by contrast, has avoided the Earth nations' centralization of powers, and has a unique cultural identity. The colony exports mined mineral and metal resources that the Earth nations desperately need, as her own supplies have dwindled over the last four decades.

Originally in the mid 80's, the Martian colony was an American territory, but soon enough the first Earth-Terran war broke out and the European Union took control of the planet. They ruled the planet for two decades, gathering the resources and letting the planet govern itself. Eventually in the second Mars-Terran war the USA tried to take control of the colony again. At this point International squabbling took place, and a treaty was signed saying that the resources would be divided equally among the major powers of the world. It didn't last.

About 5 years after the second Mars-Terran War, another one broke out. America again were the ones invading, but this seemed to be an utter and complete take over and military rule coming down on Mars' people. In part of November's quest for world domination, he turned to a vital economic foothold. An international task force known as the "Earth Rapid Response" was dispatched to stop it. This branch of U.N. army had served in not just both prior Mars-Terran Wars, but many around the world (earth) in the interests of developed nations.

The capital city of Mars, Olympus Mons, has over-run within a day. The Militia forces of the planet were scattered, with nearly a quarter destroyed and many more M.I.A. Not taking this kind of abuse, a young officer, a veteran from the second Mars-Terran War, takes up arms against the invaders. Too long has his people been subjected to abuse and neglect, too long has his people suffered, and too far have they gone to burn down their capital city, his home.

He heard that the famed "Nightmare Reconnaissance" team was massacred elsewhere on the planet, but it doesn't stop him from taking the name, and showing the Americans why Mars is to be feared. They are masters of war, and a planet full of hardship and survival. The differing cultural regions, de-centralization and isolation of the planet had lead to many opposing groups. But as history has shown, their petty arguing and cultural clashes are put aside when their home is invaded. Mars, was born for war. When they recover in due time, will the invaders be ready, or show their true colors?

On here I will post when I'm stuck on something and need help and the such. Anyway, I'll be around these forums a lot as well helping others.

edited 5th Apr '11 10:26:23 PM by jasonwill2

I've done some writing exercises with my characters and a realized something.

My characters are not as awesome as I thought. My protagonist comes off as too soft, my love interest's choices of words are too complex for the more brutal aspect I want her to portray.

Over all, my work feels either contrived, or not dark and edgy enough for the subject matters (war, death, global conflict).

It does though have the extremes of both cynicism and idealism. As far as the world being corrupt being part of this, I want to portray that some times things fit nicely with an ideology, and that some times things are a lot more cynical. The good guys are fighting for freedom, and are more ideological in thier actions, but their foes are far more cynical, and the protagonist's views are cynical, but if he isn't being angsty in a private talk with someone, he's all light hearted about the whole thing, either as a defense mechanism, or to not *appear* freaked out about his whole home being invaded and taken over, while he might as well be making skirmishes with the Army of God.

Any suggestions on how to find out how I want to do this? I want something dark, but I keep falling into too much time on angst, or inconsistent behavior and emotions. I want it to be realistic, and in real life soldiers are complete goof balls in their off time, considering all the death around them, but I'm having trouble getting the characters to stwich gears just in general.

edited 28th Mar '11 9:15:42 PM by jasonwill2

Getting a feel for your settings and characters is something that will take time. I know, 5-6 years is a long time. I've been writing for 35 years, off and on, and I'm just now feeling confident about my abilities.

You have to practice. You have to write a lot of bad stuff before you start to write good stuff. You have to realize when an idea won't work—not that this particular idea won't work—and be willing to drop it. Along the way, you have to learn how to sell your ideas.

Yes, I have dropped many ideas that didn't work, most of them being from the first and second versions. When I say I completely re-did them, that means I put away many chapters of writing and started again.

I kind of feel uncomfortable writing the love interest's dialog in particular... it's kinda creepy but I find it VERY difficult to write a character act, react, and talk when I base it on a personality that I find very hot (in it's own non-stereo typical way). Is that weird?

Guess I'll need to practice more and realize a lot will absolutely suck, and not let them see the light of day until I get it right.

Ok I tried some dialog with my main character after a flight of inspiration came in an idea. One thought I was toying with was that the main character owned a club before the war started off. I mixed it with the idea of him being a veteran of the second Earth-Mars war (he was only about during the first war). So after the 2nd war when he served his country he settled down running this club. Here is the little piece I wrote, with his best friend present as a witness. This would be one the first scenes in the book if used probably.

“They burnt it down Jason…”

“I see, how you want to do this?”

“Don’t, let it go…”:

“No, Logan. That was *my* club, my FUCKING lively hood.” Jason swung open the car door with a powerful gait. “Hey, asses in the uniforms!” From across the ash striken air and wrecked buildings, the two soldiers glanced back.

“Pssst. Get out of here, we have enough to deal with.” says the one guarding the area while the other throws things into the fires brewing in the blackened windows of Jason’s former place of business. The block they were on was in the downtown area, a place where the crime lords frequently skirmished with Jason’s establishment, trying to make him pay ‘protection’ fees, but never without a bloody pulp, before they got the message to not mess with a former Olympus Mons Militia man.

Jason walked closer still, crowbar in hand, and MAC hidden under his jacket. “You know who you just fucked with?! You know who the fuck I am? That’s MY club your burning you Terran Pissers.”

Chuckling, the one tossing in wood and such mocked him. “So what? Commander’s orders, plus it’s fun. This place is littered with crime. It all needs to go.”

“Just leave civy, before we arrest your ass.”

Jason wasn’t going to take that. Logan sat back, and reached for a 9 MM he had at his side. Logan was still actively in the Militia, but since all three cities’ individual Militia forces were defeated, the Americans had pretty much taken control of the entire colony. Logan sat about 50 yards away, but he was ready at a moment’s notice. *We’ve been through too much, I won’t let you get yourself killed, I owe you a few anyways.* <— (italics/Logan's thoughts)

“I said, you know who your fucking with?”

“Tell me while I make your arrest official you whining son of a b-” Jason interrupted the un-atentive soldier standing guard, who didn’t take Jason seriously enough as a threat.

“Fucking former Lt. 2nd Class Jason Aries.” Before the soldier could react, Jason was only 10 yards away, and opened fire in a hail of bullets, cutting down the man. Turning to the one throwing in things into the fire, he took his crowbar, and struck his skull, shattering it over his head, instantly killing him from the trauma. Turning to the other American that was still alive, albeit bleeding out, Jason finished off his clip, and the wrong doer, with a burst of rounds to the head.

“Don’t fuck with me.”

edit: a better example of my dialog, and more than I thought I could do with this situation, conveys more the protagonist, though any suggestions? Advice?

edit2: was gonna mention that his last name in there is 99% likely to change, needed *some* last name to put in there, so I just thought of a Greek name that came to mind, the one for Mars ironically... he hasn't had a last name for most of his existence, never decided on one.

edited 29th Mar '11 3:03:09 PM by jasonwill2

That's an awful a lot of cussing.

Considering his employees are most likely dead, and his place of business he protected from crime lords was just completely burnt out, I'd say he'd be so to have a right to cuss like that, he just lost everything...

Though I was actually looking for feedback on the dialog originally, but thinking about it, any advice on it would help. I wrote this in 5-8 minutes with little exertion to flex a bit.

edit:

Does he come off as cussing to much? What about the soldiers, are they talking like real people, or cardboard mooks? What about Logan, what image of him comes to mind when you read this of him, Jason, and the soldiers?

Also, just curious, but what kind of club did people imagine? I'll tell you guys what I was going for and see if I did it right once you let me know what came to mind.

edited 29th Mar '11 4:12:10 PM by jasonwill2

ok, another example of dialog. Be warned, this is an intensively agnsty argument that strikes at the chords of both characters in my idea of a huge reveal of their fears. Think a plot pivotal point, but it's merely just practice, not the actual thing.

“You know what Tanya? I don’t give a fuck anymore how much it might hurt. YOUR KILLING YOURSELF.”

“Hypocrite, shut up. I don’t owe you anything, and I’m not sinking to this.”

“Hypocrite? Your going to burn yourself out, and get yourself literally killed.”

“And you haven’t already?”

“No, not yet… I know you’ll hate me for saying this, but I’m only alive today, right here, right now, because I … care about you.” Tanya looks up at him, she had been sitting down on a bed, half turned away in pain from him, avoiding eye contact. Damn it he won’t give up.

“The if you ‘care’, drop it. I don’t even see the point, we’re all going to die sooner or later.” She takes her eyes of him in shame. Jason sits down beside her, apologizing.

“I’m sorry.” He reaches to put his hand on her shoulder, and gets her right elbow in his chest. In anger, he pushes her over, she falls over, and gets up. Anger stricken in her face, she glares at him, and he glares back. “Don’t give me that.”

“Don’t be such a pussy.” Oh God not this again.

“You know, after a while your not going to get a reaction out of me like that, it’s grown old, and yes, I accept that I am an idiot so don’t throw that one out there.” Tanya shifts her eyes away from him, arms folded as she walks to the small bunk room’s window, looking out.

“You’ll shut up if I tell you something?”

“For now…”

“Forget it then.”

“Ok, I won’t bother you again.” She isn’t going to fall for that, should of left it alone.

“I don’t get it,” answers Tanya. And yet she did… kind of… “You lead into battle, are so bloodthirsty, but you can sit down and talk about how you feel about me?”

“Tanya, I may hate, I may be angry, I MAY DESTROY, but I don’t hurt those I care about. I couldn’t do that, you guy’s are not bad people… you are not like those killers and animals we have to fight every FUCKING day of our lives to protect our home. I need to fight for them, for something, for someone. I still care for people, no matter what we do, I‘m not an animal, I‘m not like them.”

“Not yet.”

“Ya, and your too damn scared to just trust I won’t do that, that’s why you won’t let anyone see anything but anger, but who’s keeping score?” asks Jason.

“Go to hell.”

—-

I do not know the lines between what's called here "wangst" and "angst", but I probably crossed it at one point, dunno where though, but probably did....

I'm not sure where I am weak in dialog, but I feel it there somewhere, more effort went into this one. Also, I'm kind of stuck on how to move this smoothly into another scene... it never seems natural.

edited 29th Mar '11 6:22:58 PM by jasonwill2

Can you maybe tell us a little bit more about what your story is about? Because I'm reading the dialogue, but I don't really know what's going on...I don't get your characters or any sense of the plot.

I had this up there:

the book is placed around 2030, and is a sci-fi/military epic, and centers around a global conspiracy that Earth's Martian Colony is in. Everyone is scrambling to defend it as it is protected from ownership by Earth Nations by a treaty, while the antagonist is trying to take the planet for resources.

Essentially at this point I can say that he is fighting for his home land (the Mars Colony) and is leading a team of about 4 other soldiers. When the invasion hit, he re-formed up the forsaken name of the most prestigious and hardened group in all of the Martian Militia, Nightmare.

Though originally in name only, the history of the original Nightmare team from the first and second Terran-Mars war was full of stunning victories using psychological warfare, sabotage, and deep line infiltrations made to prepare the way for the main armies.

Let's call the invaders the 'central' powers. When the central powers invaded Mars, Mar's government went down quick. They were in it to take control of the planet's metals, and had no problem using force. Earth needs metals the she nearly completely used up a decade ago, and if the central powers get it, they can control the global economy.

Anyway, when the scattered Militia forces heard of Nightmare coming back and making such strikes against the central powers on the planet, they were inspired and rallied as the central powers became demoralized.

As Jason (the protagonist) started to lead them, he started to grow attached to Tanya, a Russian sent from an International task force that deals with these kinds of things. This task force was also defending Mars in two previous earth-mars wars, stopping the invasions both times. tanya teamed up with Jason after the task force's men were pretty much all separated early on when their shuttles landed planet side to an ambush.

The book is set in 2030, and uses guns, yes, guns, real ones too. In this scene Jason is trying to get Tanya to tell him why she is always full of rage, which she uses to mask her hurt and frustration, as she is as he put it 'burning yourself out'.

This is where it starts. Also, Jason is empathetic, but very prone to anger and justifying violently avenging the crimes against his people, and Tanya points out that he might become what he hates.

Is taht enough info? it's not at any paticular point, just a random scene I thought up based on the story arc They fight a lot, and get physical some, but it's not abusive, it's just part of what they do, both have anger issues and being somewhat in the battle couple trope, are about equally as strong and skilled.

edited 29th Mar '11 6:57:00 PM by jasonwill2

Yes, thank you. I hope I didn't make you give up too much of your story, but I was just wondering what was going on.

That's okay, it wasn't anything too specific (by far), and not even all this is set in stone yet.

But anyway, is there any parts I need to work on? And how would i work on those parts? Also I wrote another excersize I did up further, about a scene that would roughly go near the beginning.

I thought it would make sense to post a piece of my writing style instead of describing it, though these are more dialog focused. (also I am aware of the lack of vivid settings, didn't even bother trying with the last two examples)

edited 29th Mar '11 7:31:23 PM by jasonwill2

ok so I asked some regulars in the chat room and they said it was narky (my understanding is that this means ill tempered) and had some mood breakers.

I think now I see where that is, lol it sucks. I know how to fix it, I think.

In other news, completed the good guy's (Nightmare's) emblem.

Are you positive you want to write this in present tense? I tend to do so, but never with longer works. Present tense in fiction means you can't spend too much time on back story or exposition, using it means things will have to be a little more face paced. I ask this because I think the dialogue is a little choppy and the descriptions follow suit.

If you don't mind me making a point, here's part of your original dialogue:

And here's what we get if we 1) switch to past tense and 2) avoid repeating ourselves (for instance you have "he pusher her over, she falls over, and gets up" that reads like stage directions).

I really, really REALLY do not want to discourage you, I like the concept and the fact you have both conflict on both the macro and micro level, but I think past tense will serve you better. And I should also mention that each time a new character speaks it's a new paragraph, no exceptions.

I think present tense can work just as well as writing past tense. If you want for flashbacks, you simply tell it in past tense, no confusion added. The pitfall is to prevent it reading like a movie script. (Bob lays his hand on her. Bob gets mad. Bob stomps on flowers.)

Oh, like I said I write in present tense all the time, it's just it often falls through with longer pieces if it's the only tense in use.

• embarrassed facepalm at his own actions*

For a short time I was experimenting with present tense, I didn't even realize I did it here. As for it reading like a script, guess that comes since I wrote it in about 5-10 minutes with like no changing anything.

Even looking at it now the second scene just is... just is something I never realize how much I hate until hind-sight. I never have gotten their fights the way I try to.

With all points made so far taken, I think I will put an honest effort into my next exercise and see where that takes me. I'll take the best of what I have then to see at least what I am doing right (probably not much lol).

After that, I'll go back to characterization. Originally my plan said to do character dynamics later but I think I'm going to combine that with my current step.

I suck at this but I'm getting better as time goes by.

Also, I do have a 30,000 word Novella first draft I wrote last October when my class participated in a program called "Na No Wri MO", where we wrote a novel in a month. It is set between two of my chapters, I might look to it to see what I could learn from, but the characterizations will be somewhat outdated (currently in the 2nd revison for characterization and character roosters. After two complete plot and setting wipes in five years it almost doesn't phase me anymore.

edited 31st Mar '11 5:39:33 PM by jasonwill2

Such is the life of a writer, amateur or professional I'm afraid. And you don't suck, you're growing, there's a difference.

As for Na No Wri Mo, it's awesome practice, I'm a little jealous you got to do it with a class. I'd suggest at least partially incorporating character dynamics into creation, just to keep it sorted out for you. "Person A and Person B don't get along because of x, y and z" is, I've found out, an obscenely useful note to have when you've been gone from your writing for a while.

Ya, Nano Wrimo was pretty cool, esp when NOT even my teacher finished it, only I did and all the other students had only 10k or less words. She had done so in the past before tho I think.

And yes, I am growing. It's just that I am self-critical to remind myself to not be happy with just the first thing I write, as I learn over time it sucks in retrospect (that is, if I am not as self-critical, I will be slapped hard in the face surprisingly when I get negative criticism, as I have already gotten it from myself ^^ but at least I know how to /where to fix it.)

Only I allow myself the level of criticism that I dish out to myself, which can be outright cynical but still says that I can do better

edit: ya, I can see that helping. but that thing has an entire 30k words of my characters interacting lol. ill need to read back over it tommorow. should be fun seeing if I pictured my characters mid story arc just half a year ago much differently or not after Tanya's reboot and one of the plot senstive characters being down-graded into a supporting character, and yet... the plot is about teh same.

edited 31st Mar '11 8:49:55 PM by jasonwill2

ok here is a first person exposition i wrote to try out first person perspective. It feels over all more powerful to me. it is from the perspective of one of the soldiers from teh central powers that was taken captive by Nightmare.

I think the story may be MUCH better written in first person of the main character, so if anyone could tell me how 'powerful' it feels when it is presented as opposed to the other things I put here.

The explosion rang in my ears, I don’t even know what was going on at the moment. I quickly scrambled to my feet, and searched for my gun. I stayed low, and waited for them to come in. I knew they were coming, Nightmare, but I didn’t know when or how. We had four windows, all set evenly apart from each other. This area was supposed to be safe! But somehow, they came in. I think they smashed through the windows. Idiots would of died, but fear was their primary weapon, and it worked. Smoke flew in, bullets rained randomly with only the purpose of scaring us shitless, and the smoke soon became so thick in the chapel that I could only hear the tearing of knives and screams of pain an agony.

They are not afraid to kill in a church, much less destroy one. We took cover, hiding under Geneva Convention and rules of war for protection, but they didn’t care. We were armed and taking cover, they didn’t need sanction, they were considered, no, they were classified, as terrorists and insurrectionists.

Maybe we deserved it, as a people. We put an iron fist down, but wasn’t it rightfully ours? I hid, and I was taken. I don’t think anyone else made it out alive. Now I sit here, in this cell, and the Militia is about to question me. I do not know what awaits me, but I don’t think it will be pretty. They think I can lead them to their next target, but I won’t, I CAN’T. No matter how much I may hate what my side has done, I still have a duty, an honor. Nightmare may of won that battle, but through silence I will win this one. Bring it on.

edit: here is a better example I wrote below, from the perspective of the main character Jason, caught in a moment of confusion.

I had no idea what had just happened, I only took aim and shot at whoever came our way. They were everywhere. Logan was still trying to get the Black Hawk running, and Lee was doing something in the chopper. Tanya was beside me, shooting too.

Somehow they must of gotten our position, I couldn’t even rely orders in time. We pretty much in the middle of a fucking field, how the hell did we miss them coming? There wasn’t any sand storms. I guess it really didn’t matter. Tanya took a bullet, and slumped over. At first I thought she was dead until she reached back up, climbing into the chopper, and turning back to take a few shots. I couldn’t tell how badly she was hurt, but there was more than a little bit of blood. She pulled herself up, un-phased.

Damn strong woman. I started to get up in the chopper, still firing. I took down at least one of them, maybe another. I couldn’t count, but I’d say there was only 7 of them. As I was hanging onto a railing, I felt the helicopter go up, and Logan say that we were taking off. I felt Tanya use my leg to get up in a seat, and I kept firing with the door open.

When we reached several meters above the ground something knocked the helicopter off balance, and my foot came out from under me. Hanging onto the railing, I kept shooting at the guys below us. I thought it was only a couple of seconds before my dangling body was hit and I came spiraling out to my death. I didn’t. Lee grabbed me from behind, and I saw Tanya shut the door in front of me.

“Everyone hold on, we are getting out of here!” Logan wasn’t wrong. We quickly went off into the distance. We made it, but just barely. It turned out that Tanya was hit in her left shoulder, and it was pretty bad. I was the most experienced with medical training in the field, but even after I got out the bullet I had to tell her it would be a week before she could actually go back in. Until then, the team would have to lay low. We couldn’t do anything without her. The team was too weak at this point after losing Andrew.

That damn traitor, I should of seen it a mile away, he was screaming ‘lion in sheep’s clothing’ the whole time, but I couldn’t see it. Now me and my whole team is paying for it. What kind of leader am I? Damn it.

edited 5th Apr '11 10:21:10 PM by jasonwill2

I've taken it that no one wants to read the actual prose.

edit: removed question as I have found the answer myself. however, the question to if the first person feels more powerful than the other narrations still stands

edited 4th Apr '11 2:29:28 PM by jasonwill2

update: Been world building the colony's map, getting Jason's first person narrative critiqued.

=-=-=

As for being stuck, would it be terribly out there for a person with a Phlegmatic temperament be extroverted, and a person with a Choleric personality be introverted?

As it stands at the moment I am using the Four-Temperament Ensemble for my characters (though modified for my own uses of course).

edited 7th Apr '11 7:58:32 PM by jasonwill2

Ok, I think I found another problem with characterization.

I just realized my protagonist is a Badass Angster, and this is where I am having difficulty with him. I need to create some drama from him, and part of his character development is becoming more emotionally stable over time, but for the first half to 2/3's the book he is this...

Is this as hard as it seems, or is there a way I can make a ratio of how much he generally gets emotional to being awesome? Like for every time he got emotional he did three bad ass things, would that balance it out?

Is that approach even realistic?

I know that this probably won't help you very much, but I don't think that you should write your characters based on tropes (the Four Temperment Ensemble or any of the Badass tropes). For now, I think that you should work on deveoping them and making them as human as you can before seeing where they fit archetype wise.

And as for your question, I don't think that you need to work on any set formula, but use whatever approach you think is best.

Well, thing is, I didn't base them off tropes, I just found what they most fit under. Now that I recognize them, I thought I would mess with the tropes some and see if I could make any use of them, messing with the dynamics based on my wants and needs for the book.

As for the formula (with regard about the ratio of angst/doing cool things), I think I'll not got with that approach after I have thought about it.

I'm not writing a trope by trope book, I'm experimenting with the discovered tropes that my works falls under. They were already there, I just didn't know about the tropes until I read their respective articles.

edit: On a second look I understand what you mean now, do not look for the tropes they fit under yet. Sorry miss-understood you the first time

edited 8th Apr '11 7:49:36 PM by jasonwill2