How to be more loving?

MDMA and other empathogens supposedly make you more loving. They're not sustainable but might have some benefit. Compassion meditation is also supposed to do this. The thing is, my personality (now, at least) is definitely more of a grouchy depressive than a Bodhisattva. Which is pretty unpleasant, any suggestions? I willing to try anything, though hopefully something that either can reasonably be done under someone else's management or is something easy to do.

Someone suggested martial arts earlier. I told my parents about that, but both me and my parents are forgetful, so nothing yet...

Don't know if being more loving is going to make you less grouchy. Didn't work for me. Being more mentally selfish made me happier and less likely to snap at people, funnily enough.

Empathogens do not make you more loving. They make you more capable of loving. Anything. They fuck with your ability to correctly interpret the topography of your temporal landscape. It won't do jack to make you more loving but it might level your mood out enough that you can be nice. But if you are going to go for that I would recommend guided meditation with psychedelics like mescaline or LSD. A really great analogy I once heard was that LSD gives you the power to open the hood of your brain like the hood of a car. Monkey around in there literally. And just like a monkey with a wrench you probably won't fix your problem.

If you are a woman then wearing a necklace of time release aldosterone will improve your interactions with the opposite gender but is a little... scattershot. It won't improve your relationship with one man, rather with all of them.

Martial Arts are a great way of building the mind and body as one but make you more loving? Well only if it helps you work out your issues.

The bottom line is that some people just aren't loving. It's not a fault it is just who you are. I can remember feeling more than fondness exactly twice in my entire life. Just the way I am put together. Cold as a ice with nitrogen in its veins.

"It's not a fault it is just who you are"

...T_T

nothing then nothing at all

Hang on, are you talking about being more loving as in, more loving to a significant other and/or family members? Or more loving in a general, compassionate 'agape' sense?

edited 4th Mar '11 12:03:01 AM by LoniJay

Both. Agape is my ideal, but I'm not even... I'm not very loving towards anyone. I want to be though. I want to love everyone, but I can't even begin. I don't want to be alone anymore. I'm totally alone, and I want to be close to someone. Anyone, everyone. But I'm nothing. But...

@OP: Yes, MDMA was originally developed as a drug to aid in psychiatric care...taken at roughly 1/20th the dose ravers routinely snarf down. Also, street drugs are an unreliable (at best) method for fixing mental problems.

Try counseling first, if you really think something's wrong. If that fails, maybe start looking into mind-altering substances.

"Try counseling first, if you really think something's wrong. If that fails, maybe start looking into mind-altering substances."

Over a year now of counseling. It's not very helpful. And I doubt drugs will work in the long run either. If all else fails, then?

Counseling? That the same thing as a therapist?

Eh. Forgive me if I'm mistaken. Internet, what do you say?

counseling— guidance: something that provides direction or advice as to a decision or course of action

Therapists - Psychotherapy or personal counseling with a psychotherapist, is an intentional interpersonal relationship used by trained psychotherapists to aid a or in problems of living.

edited 4th Mar '11 4:18:09 AM by LoveHappiness

Well, is it a school counselor? Or it someone you pay for? Or what?

You said "counseling", but that sounds ambiguous to me.

edited 4th Mar '11 4:26:34 AM by ViralLamb

It's not free. I go to visit her at, well not at school. And it's ambiguous to me too. I'm not exactly well informed about it all. I just visit and talk to her. Mostly about random stuff. Not much else... It isn't really very helpful. I'm sure she has a title or something. But I can only remember her first name.

edited 4th Mar '11 4:32:51 AM by LoveHappiness

More questions then answers, but that's alright. I have a book about meditation. Something about love meditation as well. Never read it.

I wouldn't worry about the loving people enough thing. Once you love yourself, I hear its easier to love others. Fuck if I know. Haven't gotten step one done yet.

edited 4th Mar '11 3:10:06 PM by ViralLamb

I'd say to stay away from any kind of medication that's supposed to make you a more loving individual; that just sounds suspect to me. And as Shrimpus mentioned, there's always LSD.

There's a good number of ways to become more open minded and such, but to be more loving is a rather core concept to a person. Some people just aren't that loving of other things, while others can't help but find the good in everything and embellish the living hell out of it. Being loving isn't a simple formula to follow to change who you are. You'd have to start with what made you the way you currently are, and then work to change that about yourself if you're dissatisfied with the results.

Martial arts can be very comforting and serene, but I'm not sure about how it has an impact on someone's ability to love or be a loving person in general. I took Aikido a few years ago, and I certainly felt a calm whilst training then I ever did doing much anything else, but a more loving person? Doubtful.

My negative feelings are protected by my skull right? I need to destroy them somehow. I want to be connected with other people, but it hurts being around others. I feel desperate. My life so pointless. I already feel dead, I hate being alive. I'm tired of this.

Try to see yourself in others. Try to see what you would do as them, really look at their assumptions and why they might have them. To understand is to love.

You sound like me last week. If you get to that point, call a hotline. That's what I would do. If I ever came that close, I'll call. Matter of fact, I should put the number in my phone just in case. Seems silly, but I know how lazy I can be.

Wish I could help. Loving-kindness doesn't sound like the answer. Opposite. Focus less on others. Not sure about you, but I'm very socially awkward. Too self-conscious. To fight this, you have to think less about others and their opinions. Harder then it sounds, but isn't everything? You have to care less and less about others in my opinion. Doesn't mean being an ass. Just not doubting yourself. Plenty of time to dissect your actions when you aren't in the middle of human interaction.

Self-doubt is a bitch. So slap her around. You'll feel better. You need to love yourself first. Then worry about loving others.

• The fuck did I just say?

edited 10th Mar '11 9:05:12 PM by ViralLamb

^ Dude, you spelled out exactly what I was thinking, but better xD

Yeah, if you're not naturally "loving" then trying to be more so won't help much. It's just going to be one huge self-inflicted guilt trip. I think ultimately you have to live for yourself.

edited 10th Mar '11 9:07:49 PM by melloncollie