Looking for a beta reader

Hey, anyone feel like beta-reading my story?

If this isn't the place to ask, sorry. I've never really had to do this before.

What kind of story is it? Fanfiction, original work? Drabble, short story, first part of a multichapter? Humor, action, drama?

It might help If you described the work you want to send through beta.

Ninja'd

edited 20th Dec '10 10:38:10 PM by GiantSpaceChinchilla

Whoops, sorry 'bout that.

It's original fiction. The story is archetypal Cyberpunk. I hadn't written anything I could call 'cyberpunk,' so this filled the void. There are some good parts to it, but I'm mostly kind of iffy about the whole thing. I was wondering if anyone could give me any insight.

Plot summary: Raymond Boss is a clinically depressed, alcoholic detective in the cyberpunk city of Kuroumi, California. He and his partners are gathering evidence on a strange cult that seems to have popped up called The Church of the Neon Saint, all while trying to do an impossible job in a crapsack city that doesn't deserve it.

Derivative, I know, but I still like it.

EDIT: Oh, and it's...uh..about 39 pages long in Open Office. I haven't uploaded it anywhere, either. I just planned to email it, which may or may not be a bad idea

edited 21st Dec '10 12:47:33 AM by Rahheemme

more information required. genre, length, tone etc

give us that, and we might be in a better position to judge our availability/commitment

EDIT: thanks

EDIT: yeah, i'll take stab at it

edited 21st Dec '10 12:19:02 AM by pathfinder

Cool! Would you like me to upload it to fictionpress or something or can I send it to your email?

What the heck, it's Christmas break, I've got time. If you want, I can look it over.

http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2875119/1/Standard_Operating_Procedure

Here's the link. I just tossed it up on fictionpress. It doesn't have any chapter breaks, though. I never really intended to put it up here.

Going down...

"I doubt they could even compete with one of Jonathan's five senses", not "I doubt they could compete with even one, etc."

"I'd take a guess that I'm actually in the right" is awkward. "I'd take a guess that I'm in the right here" maybe?

"As he walked off, I realize he hadn't actually tried to disprove me" doesn't make a lot of sense.

Why didn't Raymond and Jonathan take whatever Upson's weapon was? And if he was just trying to touch his head and kill himself, why was he reaching for his back?

After his description of why crowds are bad, "They disgust me" is unnecessary.

Why aren't the hookers more freaked out by the fact that they're identical?

It's "One scotch for the road" not "One for scotch for the road"

"and everything will fall into place" is an odd line from Jonathan.

You need to mention why the authorities haven't been able to convince people to stop dressing up as Randy the Robot.

It's Roger, not Rodger.

In the elevator, Jonathan seems like the junior cop. Is that intentional?

"Pretty young receptionist", not "pretty, young receptionist" If you're worried about pretty young meaning somewhat young, try replacing pretty with cute.

"How much is done by his followers" not "How much in done by his followers"

"The Beta and the Alpha, the beginning and the end". Alpha- beginning. Omega- end. Beta- second. You want him to say "The Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end". If you mean Beta and Alpha as in stages of software development, Beta is still not the end.

"Should you change this decision" is awkward.

This is a great story. Horrible and terrifying, but beautifully written. You've done a good job plotting your story tightly. I don't think you have that much work left to do. Good luck!

Thanks a ton! Wow, I didn't realize how many typos I had. I'll jump right on that.

Do you think this could become a general thread? I think it'd be useful to have.

If that happens, it's not like I can stop it. Sure. It'd be beneficial.