Seeing as I have little better to do, and have wanted to make a Liveblog/an AAR/a Let’s Play for a while now, I’ve deiced to make this live blog about this charming Children’s card ga- I mean, Puzzle book, about an infestation of ever-mutating pathogens infiltrating and wreaking havoc in an unsuspecting human host (whom shall be dubbed Steve.)
It’s a lot less squiky than it sounds.
To start off, I’m going to investigate our irresponsible and invading infectors, and then state my opinion on weather or not they are the fittest.
…It’s not looking good…
- Dumbug: He’s dumb. He’s a bug. Yeah. Not much to say.
- Slug: Technically a snail, but seeing as a slug in this case means an invading pathogen I don’t think biology was on the minds of the writers of this book.
- Zit: this bug is breaking out in hives… wait a minute, INFECTIONS WITHIN INFECTIONS?! WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?!!
- Punk: A punk, and more than a bit daft.
- Trasher: This guy is so called because he will absolutely trash you. I mean, he’ll knock you all down and step over you, just to come back and throw you into the waste disposal. And then pee on the corpses.
- Sarge: This bacterium came prepared with grenades and two ammo belts. Not that he’s going to use any of them. Ever.
- Beefy: …Mad cow disease? …I knew Steve should’ve had the chicken…
- One-eyed: Yeah, I don’t see how a baby’s rattle is going to overthrow the order instilled within the fortress known as Steve. Pretty sure this guy dies first.
- Arnie: this is not a bug. This is just what a muscle cell looks like after you’ve injected some steroids. No, seriously.
- Sucker: This nasty pathogen can easily be picked up at the poker table. Remember kids; always wear protection when cutting the deck.
- Ninja: This is not, in fact, an infective agent, or at least not a hostile one. This is, in fact, a Ninji-chlorian, the means by which ninja powers are transfered from body to body. There’s only one here for obvious reasons.
- Preddy: An elephant. Boring.
- Badbug: BAD BUGS BAD BUGS, WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU-
- Boots: The sad, sad offspring of a horse and a Goomba.
- D.K: A Guy with a drill. Boreing. Okay, puns aside, I do not understand this guys name. Is he Darling Kingsworth? Disease Kong? Dick Krotckys? The world will never know.
- Chainsaw: OH MAN! Chainsaws for arms? This guy will never die! He can’t possibly loose! Really!
- Vandal: reminds me of a partially nightmare-fuelish picture on worth1000.com. I’m sure you know the one. 
- Heavy metal: Man, this guy’s entire existence it a letdown. He’s supposed to be FOOKIN’ METAL(tm), and yet I do not see one dragon-slayer, pair of horns, or grinning flaming skull on his person. He’s hard rock at best.
- Eyesore: A visual pun in more ways than one. Moving along.
- Porky: …Mad pig disease as well? That just isn’t kosher.
- Gunk: This guy has no real claims to fame but I kinda like his huge aardvark nose. He gets a pass.
- Worm: The gardener can’t help you now!
- Biff: The Glass Joe of the microbe world.
- Stalker: Technically called stalk, but stalker is more appropriate. You’ll see why later.
- Mouth: ALL-DEVORING, ALL THE TIME! I’m sure 4-chan would approve.
- Slimo: This bug is the one that actually looks most like a bacterium, what with the cilia and everything. Meh.
- Mallet head: I’d say hammer time, but it’s always a good time for hammers, or indeed M.C. hammer.
- Shark: The other reason you should wear protection when playing poker.
- Headley: oh wow. I’m sorry, Boots, I should really apologise... THIS guys is the one that is the sad, sad offspring of a Goomba.
- Drack: Do not be fooled by the coat or the name. This guy is clearly a shark. A vampire shark. …dear god, Steve’s screwed.
- Dino: …Yoshi?
- Swinger: Perhaps the happiest S.T.D you have ever met.
- Chameleon: this guy’s skills are hiding, disappearing, vanishing, and freestyle cross-stitching.
- Bully: meh, I liked this guy better when he was bald and named mouth.
- Horn head: another S.T.D, for obvious reasons.
- Jugular: ARG! THE PUN! IT BURNS AND ITCHES!
- Not Nice: This guy is also clearly a S.T.D, because, well, he’s a bit of a dick.
- Maggot: another bug. Pretty literally in this case.
- Metal head: The first mounted infection. May or may not say “Ni”
- Krim: I’m sure this guy is a subtle reference to something, I know he is…
- Slime rider: You can just see the angst on this guy’s face. I mean , slime riding was his only claim to fame and then a dozen other idiots just go and take it from him. I’m sure he’s smoldering with barley concealed rage under those cold, hateful eyes…
- Humpty dumpty: Oh my god, do I have to say anything? Just let this guy die in peace. Or pieces. Preferably the latter.
- Racer: Go speed racer, Go speed racer!
- Ace: A.K.A Biggles. His name is kinda appropriate though, as you will see later.
- Litterbug: His name is very meaningful, as he is absolute rubbish.
- Capitan Blood: a Ninji-chlorian, only it’s pirate-based. Which is sad, since I always favored pirates personally, and this bug just does not do them justice.
- Backhorn: this guy is pretty much a mounted Gunk: nothing special, but I like him anyway.
- Stitting bug: “oh yeah? YOUR slime-mount ugly.”
- Wart queen: Wait, were’s the wart king? …Oh yeah, that’s right. Nevermind. (freaking’ Mario!)
- Easy rider: last and least in my opinion. Bleh.
Regrettably, that’s it for this update. Next update! We will actually begin invading the body with the troops under our command! We will charge across the Skin like a tide of drunken football holigains!
... and we will lose our first bug. untill then, folks!
Edit: is there any way to increase the size of the images I can post here? the pages are slightly larger than A-3 sizes and they don't take the resizing very well.
edited 4th Dec '10 1:47:52 AM by doorhandle