Troper Critique Club

Ah, well it was that or "Burst Cherubs" which I think sounds crap. Seriously, I can't think of a good name *sob*

edited 2nd Dec '10 4:19:29 PM by dragonmaster

XD. Now THAT sounds like a band name. Or an angel related attack name.

It works, actually. The familiar one, I mean.

That sounds like a superhero team. In fact, I'll turn it into one right now.

Billy Bones! With the power to rearrange himself, a skeleton, into many shapes and sizes!

Rail King! The unstobbable locomotive of justice!

Franklin Stein! A monster of unparalleled power!

Highway! Telepathically linked to the coolest car on the planet!

Astraa! Shining emissary of the stars!

They are... The Familiars!

See?

... That actually sounds pretty cool XD

And while I was partially joking with you, that really is the vibe I got from the name. "The Somethings" tends to skew that way.

@Deathjavu

I've noticed that you like to use pairs of adjectives a lot. For example "Overcome with sadness and joy."

This is just a little bit distracting and repetitive. think of using just one adjective, or another word that describes both. Otherwise, it's a decent read.

Ooh, ooh I thought of something on the name front.

"We never really gave ourselves a name, we were just "us" or "the team", other people called us "Vigilantes" or something similar, a couple of people called us "a pair of dykes in dresses," but a name? Nah, never came up,"

And then they end up calling themselves the DiD

"DiD" ?

edited 2nd Dec '10 4:29:36 PM by dragonmaster

Dykes in dresses...it was a joke.

XD, actually one of the characters I was referring to is pretty hyper and might actually go for that ...

One thing that I think is important is recognizing what pre-existing works your particular story is inspired by and sort of studying them to see what they did, right or wrong, and how.

Now, I'm by no means an expert, but that's what makes the most sense to me.

And accepting that no matter how hard you try, your story will never be unique.

Completely anyway.

I'm already following that plan, actually. I plan on overthrowing One Piece, and doing certain flaws it had much better.

I think it's best if we move on, AHR, but suffice it to say I think you're the wrongest person alive right now.

Anyway, that's something I've been doing, trying to re-read or watch comics or shows that inspired specific stories I'm working on. For instance, that story I posted part of earlier (title: KLR vs. the Badman Group) is partially based on Burst Angel, Smokin Aces, and a bunch of other stuff about assassins or "troubleshooters", so an important part of figuring out where I'm going to go with the story is reviewing and taking notes on those. Really divine exactly what you liked and didn't like, what you want to do and what you don't.

An idea can never be unique. The delivery is what makes a story special.

Never be COMPLETELY unique. Your story will always have elements from others. It will use a genre that has been used before, a medium used before, and characters that have been used before. It's why tv tropes works as a site.

ch00b: Ah, bitter about being uncreative, I see.

AHR: That's an incredibly broad definition. You're splitting hairs at this point. If, to you, a character having legs makes it a ripoff of everything in the world, you're the one with a problem.

edited 2nd Dec '10 4:50:52 PM by KingTyrantLizard

No it's not. If I create a harem story, with an unlucky everydude as the main character, and it takes place at a hotsprings, the setting is nothing unique. It's been done before. It's how I use them that makes the difference.

And please don't use logical fallacies. It reflects on you poorly.

Okay, here's a revised excerpt from my story. Some critique on it would be most helpful.

Sonic looked around, trying to locate the source of the ringing, and noticed a rustling bush off in the distance. He slowly approached the plant, careful not to make too much noise. His ears twitched around, eyes locked ahead. As he went closer and closer, he could hear faint whimpers sound out from within its leafy foliage. He brushed some of the leaves aside, just enough for him to poke his face through.

What appeared to be a little boy sat on the forest floor just a couple feet away, knees obscuring his feet. Clad in nothing but a pair of red shorts, the boy was covered head to toe in splotches of dirt and foliage. Unlike any child he saw, however, the boy had four huge, insectlike wings on his back, swinging lightly in the breeze. Despite his disheveled appearance, a reddish light still managed to emanate from the child's red-purple skin.

"Hey, kid!" Sonic yelled, poking his head in through the hole. "Are you alright?"

"Huh?" The child wiped his face and looked up at Sonic. His eyes, purple as his skin, were blood-shot. It appeared that the kid was crying for quite a while. "W-who are you, m-mister?"

With one quick karate chop, Sonic sliced his way through the hole, splitting the bush in half. "What the heck are you doing here by yourself, kid?" he asked, tossing the bush pieces aside. "Don't you know how dangerous this jungle is? How did you wind up here in the first place?"

The child looked around, a miserable look on his face, before shrugging his shoulders weakly. "I-I don't know, mister. One minute, I was - uh - playing in the beaches, next minute… I'm here in this jungle, all alone…"

Sonic narrowed his eyes. There was just something about this kid's story that just didn't seem right to him at all. "Hold up," he said, folding his arms, "don't you have any parents, kid? I don't see why they wouldn't be looking for you."

The child looked down to the ground and shook his head. "I don't have any parents, sir. They both died when I was only a baby."

Sonic could practically feel his heart sink as the words sinked into his mind. With a slight frown on his face, he asked, "Wait, so you're an orphan? You don't have anyone to take care of you?"

The kid shook his head. "I have an older sister, sir."

Sonic raised his eyebrows. "Okay, how old is your sister?"

"She's fifteen years old. I'm only eleven..."

Sonic freed his arms and put his hands to his chin. It appears the child's sister- if he really had one, that is - is missing. Confused, he asked, "Okay, where have you last seen her? The beach?"

The child raised his arm and pointed at Sonic. "I think it was in the clearing, sir, further up the path."

"Alright, kid, I'll help you find your sister. It's the best I can do." Sonic flashed a thumbs-up. "My name's Sonic, Sonic the Hedgehog! What's yours, kid?"

"Um," Tael murmured as he rose up from the ground, "my name is Tael, mister."

"Hey, hey, hey!" said Sonic, holding his hands in front of him. "There's no need for the formalities with me, kid! Just call me Sonic, alright?"

"Sorry, mist-" Tael paused, and then corrected, "I mean, Sonic. Just Sonic, got it." His frown curled into a little smile.

"No problem, Tael!" Sonic cheered, flashing a toothy smile. The heavy feeling sitting in his heart started to ease off as he saw Tael's smile. "Now then, let's go find your sister! We should go back to the village to see if anyone knows you, alright?"

"Uh, yeah," Tael said with a nod, "right, Sonic."

It's probably just my screen resolution on my laptop, but I apologize if the excerpt appears to be a little too long.

edited 2nd Dec '10 4:55:26 PM by Komodin

So, for instance, when Edgar Allen Poe literally invented detective fiction, he wasn't being original? Not even a little?

Jules Verne is considered the father of Science Fiction, but his ideas were somehow copied from something else?

It's evolution. No one invents anything at the drop of a hat. It's a build up of little things that will eventually culminate into something that might be new enough.

Also, yes, there will be people who can create something "new" enough. Of course, it's not really new. It's the end result of built up momentum from thousands of years.

I would not reccomend banking on that ability. It's like saying how so and so millionaire did not go to college.

edited 2nd Dec '10 4:59:03 PM by MrAHR

Whatever, I shouldn't have brought it up (well, you technically brought it up) in the first place. Sorry.

Anyway, Komodin, yes, that's a little long.

Komo- well, it's readable enough. I would not call it special, or particularly wowing, but certainly not bad. Bit...cheesy though, with the kid...

Actually, you can make a story that's completely unique.

But that requires building another universe and creating the laws of physics on your own, drumming your fingers through the evolution of the first sentient species, and then finally getting down to scribble the first written word on a patch of sand....

On second thought, that's too much work. I'll just copy Harry Potter.

You'll end up falling back on tropes to tell their story.

Man I wish I could post my single exclamation point of sarcasm here. Formatting is wak.

also I don't get how I'm bitter about being uncreative. I am awesome and incapable of being bitter about my shortcomings.