YMMV: Portnoy's Complaint
- Cargo Ship: Alex/chicken liver and Alex/cored apple. This is actually canon.
- Crowning Moment of Funny:
"I have affairs. And, and I beat my meat."
- Alex often imagines the embarrassing things that could happen to him appearing in the headlines. When he talks his girlfriend into giving him oral, she complains "it's getting big. I'll suffocate." Alex imagines the headline: "JEW SMOTHERS DEB WITH COCK, Vassar Grad Georgetown Strangulation Victim; Mocky Lawyer Held"
- Alex meets one of his old schoolmates, who asks him about his sex life:
Mistake, I think instantly. Mistake! What if he blabs to the Daily News? ASST HUMAN OPP'Y COMMISH FLOGS DUMMY, Also Lives in Sin, Reports Old School Chum .