Warp That Aesop / Land of Oz

• The Wonderful Wizard of Oz: The all-knowing witch with a Book of Records that tells her everything that goes on in her country is blameless for sitting back and doing nothing while a little girl endangers her life killing off the witch’s political rivals, and then has to go on an additional dangerous journey just to get to her and be sent home. She’s a GOOD witch!
  • If someone has their morality as part of their name, it’s the indisputable truth.
  • Someone so sensitive that they cry when they accidentally step on a beetle will have no qualms beheading wildcats or wolves with an axe when needed.
  • If you end up in a utopian fantasy realm, you better get back home to your dull, colorless wasteland quick.
• The Marvelous Land of Oz: Trans people are able to change their gender seamlessly and develop an entirely new personality after the transition.
  • It's okay to force someone to change their gender back to the one they were born as against their will if it's the only way for them to ascend to a throne.
  • Women wanting to rule a kingdom instead of doing everyday chores is completely silly, unless they're a good witch or of royal blood.
    • Men are too inept to do household chores and cook, and couldn't survive without women to do these things for them.
  • People who make puns deserve death threats.
• Ozma of Oz: Hey kids, if you're missing and your mourning parental figure probably thinks you're dead anyway, it doesn't matter if you stay missing a little longer so you can have some more fun!
  • Chickens are smarter than most people.
  • When you want something from someone, start by threatening them. Only negotiate after they've shown you there's no way you can defeat them by force.
  • After nearly losing to a challenge you agreed to accept, the appropriate response is theft from the challenger.
  • A country has a duty to intervene in the affairs of a foreign country, even when it has nothing to do with their country.
• Dorothy and the Wizard in Oz: Some races are just evil and deserve genocide.
• The Road to Oz: Hey kids! Accompany any creepy hobo who approaches you asking for directions! He's sure to take you on a fantastic adventure.
• The Emerald City of Oz: Hypochondriacs and people with anxiety should be sent away to live in their own designated ghetto so that they don't bother the mentally healthy. Overly-talkative people deserve this as well.
  • Fleeing the country to escape your debt always works.
  • Erasing your enemies' minds is a surefire way to deal with them. Lobotomies work. (Also applies to The Magic of Oz).
  • Self-defense is wrong. If your country is about to be invaded and your people subjected to slavery, just sit tight until a nonviolent solution presents itself.
• The Patchwork Girl of Oz: If someone who you brought to life is loud or annoying, feel free to cruelly abuse them and threaten them with death until they run away. This could probably be applied to crying babies.
  • The life of one butterfly is worth just as much as (if not more than) the lives of two people.
  • Don't pick clovers, no matter how compelling a reason you have for doing so.
  • There is no such thing as an unjust law, in any country ever.
• Tik-Tok of Oz: Having ambition is foolish and silly; now pick up a broom, accept your lot in life and get back to doing housework.
  • Defending your country from an invasion is evil and warrants a cruel and unusual punishment.
• Rinkitink in Oz: It's fine to break a promise if the person you made it to is dead.
• The Lost Princess of Oz: You should wander away from your group and get lost often, you'll end up saving the day in the end.
  • Slavery is okay if it’s just giants being enslaved. It’s not like they’re legitimate people.
• The Tin Woodman of Oz: Getting back in touch with a former lover never ends well, and shouldn't ever be attempted.
  • The Loonville chapter: It is acceptable behavior to invade a private community and attack the residents there once they attempt to arrest you, despite clearly seeing a sign warning you not to trespass on the way in.
  • When the first three times you trespass on someone's property goes horribly wrong and nearly costs you your life each time ^note  (Loonville, Mrs. Yoop's castle, the underground dragon den), keep trying, the fourth home you trespass on will welcome you.
• The Magic of Oz: Having a bunch of shrunken trained monkeys burst out of a cake is a wonderful and hygienic birthday surprise! Don't mind whatever's left inside the cake afterward, must be raisins or chocolate sprinkles.