[[WMG: Deb Duchon (the "Nutritional Anthropologist") keeps Alton enslaved by her puppet minions.]]
It's either self-explanatory or too insane to understand. This is why she scares him.

[[WMG: Alton Brown is NOT God.]]
He is just the owner of the world's only {{Hammerspace}} kitchen.
* Up to and including a variety of [[HyperspaceMallet tenderizing mallets.]]
* What about [[VideoGame/CookingMama Mama?]]

[[WMG: Alton Brown was breathed on by Chuck Norris.]]
How else can you explain his awesomeness?

[[WMG: Chuck Norris was breathed on by Alton Brown.]]
Chuck Norris could cause dinosaurs to go extinct, but Alton Brown did it first. Then Alton made a lovely meat pie.

[[WMG: Chuck Norris and Alton Brown are twins.]]
They breathed on each other numerous times as babies an brothers, contributing to the awesomeness each time. Alton came out slightly on top, though.

[[WMG: Alton Brown is a Time Lord]]
He even [[https://twitter.com/#!/altonbrown/status/169454929377890305 said as much]] on Website/{{Twitter}}.