Gentlemen, I want you to meet Jeffrey Bernard! The biggest idiot in Soho!
Jeffrey Bernard Is Unwell is a play by the British journalist-cum-novelist Keith Waterhouse (who also wrote Billy Liar) about real-life journalist Jeffrey Bernard
, whose alcoholism was legendary even by the standards of British journalists. The play was first performed in 1989, with Peter O'Toole in the leading role. The title comes from The Spectator, which had a habit of printing a one-line apology on a blank page whenever Jeffrey Bernard was too drunk or hungover to produce the required copy for the "Low Life" column that he wrote for that magazine for many years.
Contains examples of:
- The Alcoholic: Jeffrey, so very much.Lady with questionnaire: Do you have time off from work because of drinking or has your work performance suffered because of alcohol?Jeffrey: The situation is very much the reverse. Work frequently interferes with my drinking.
- Cluster F-Bomb: Averted, as the swearing is actually quite mild.
- Did Not Think This Through: One of Jeffrey's drunken recollections is about the time a friend of his seriously proposed a new sport — cat racing.Friend: We'll make it a handicap race.Jeffrey: [incredulously] How... do you propose... to do... that?
- Godwin's Law: Alluded to.Jeffrey: They always say they mean well. Hitler probably meant well...
- My Local: The play is set in the Coach & Horses, a Real Life Soho pub that the real Jeffrey Bernard used to frequent. The premise is that Jeffrey passed out at some point in the evening and has only woken up after the place has closed for the night; unable to contact the landlord, he resigns himself to spending the night there, in the company of a bottle of vodka, a seemingly endless supply of cigarettes and a stream of anecdotes about his life. Another Soho pub, the French House, is mentioned more than once.
- Surprisingly Realistic Outcome: All four of Jeffrey Bernard's marriages ended in divorce on account of his drinking and infidelity. He wonders what they were thinking when they married him, since (as far as he can recall) they all knew what he was like before they did so.Jeffrey: What puzzles me is: What on earth did my four wives think they were getting when they married me? I mean, you can see a train when it's coming.
- Wretched Hive: Soho, the West London district in which Jeffrey Bernard lived and drank for much of his life, is depicted thusly. Truth in Television, to an extent — although the area has undergone considerable gentrification in the last few decades, it has never quite managed to shake off its seedy reputation as London's red-light district.
