Guillermo and the roommates plan to celebrate Nandor's Ascension Day—the anniversary of the day he became ruler of Al Quolanudar. But Nandor is depressed—he feels that his eternal life is meaningless. In an effort to cheer him up, Nadja gives him a Vampiric Council task—to collect an outstanding debt. But when Nandor arrives at the location, he meets Jan, a vampire who claims she can eat and drink human food and drink. Nandor decides to leave the Staten Island house and try living as a human among Jan's followers—all vampires who yank out their fangs every night, do 80s aerobic workouts, and sing in drum circles. After about a month, Guillermo is concerned and decides to try and see what Nandor is doing. But when Jan notices him, things quickly get hostile and the vampires attack. Guillermo takes Nandor away, despite Nandor claiming that he is happy for the first time in decades. Guillermo and the roommates decide that Nandor has been brainwashed, and they lock him in the cage that Guillermo was previously held in, determined to deprogram Nandor over his objections.
Tropes
- Blatant Lies: Jan claims that she is able to eat and drink human food to try to lure Nandor into joining the "wellness center." She immediately vomits up the water she drinks outside of Nandor's view. Later, Nandor claims that his "new friends" were living as human and not going to hurt Guillermo, despite Jan explicitly ordering them all to kill him.
- Call-Back: When putting up the decorations for Nandor's Ascension Day party, Guillermo mentions that he used Nandor's favorite, "creepy paper"; this calls back to the pilot episode, where Nandor kept mispronouncing "crepe paper" as "creepy paper".
- Cult: Jan's Wellness Center has a bunch of cult-like attitudes, including a mass suicide at the end.
- A Day in the Limelight: This episode focuses primarily on Nandor's time at Jan's wellness center.
- Entitled Bastard: Rather than realize Guillermo is right, Nandor demands that he drops everything and let him return to the centre, which as The Stinger shows, would’ve meant certain death.
- Everyone Has Standards: When everyone sees cult Nandor, they’re all immensely disgusted, especially after seeing his fangs removed.
- Fan Disservice: Colin Robinson really gets into celebrating Nandor's Accession Day, so much so that he puts on a topless belly dancer costume to dance around.
- Foil: Nandor’s situation is similar, but many ways different to Laszlo’s in On the Run.
- Nandor went to the Wellness Centre because he believed they would help change him while Laszlo went to Pennsylvania due to fear of getting caught by Jim.
- Laszlo, for all his murdering, did like the girls and helped them out as much as possible. Nandor was scammed and refused to admit Guillermo’s right.
- Nandor had to be forced home while Laszlo came home on his own accord, with their roommates’ reaction being very much different. Everyone was horrified to see Nandor without his vampiric teeth and in 80s workout clothes while Nandor and Nadja were indifferent and relieved to see Laszlo alive respectively.
- For Happiness: Nandor argues that it doesn't matter if the Wellness Center is ridiculous. It has made him friends and made him happy for the first time in centuries.
- Frozen Fashion Sense: In his endeavor to live like a human, Nandor wears the last clothes he wore as a human, a full set of body armor. Members of Jan's Wellness Center also dress in '80s fashion, which Nandor switches to when he joins them.
- Gasshole: Colin Robinson takes Nandor's room after the leaves and marks it with his scent by farting on everything. According to him, every energy vampire is capable of flatulating at will, for obvious reasons.
- Scam Religion: It's clear that Jan's "wellness center" is brainwashing depressed vampires into thinking they're on a path towards becoming human again (while most likely bilking them for their money), when in reality they're no closer than before they joined.
- Special Guest: Jan is played by guest star Cree Summer.
- Suicide by Sunlight: Jan tricks her cult into killing themselves via letting them run onto the roof in the morning.
- The Stinger: A mid-credits scene reveals that Jan disposes of her followers who start to question her because of Guillermo getting in by claiming that they're ready to embrace sunlight, only for them to all immediately burn to ashes as they run out into daylight. Naturally, Jan stays back and shields herself behind the door, and once they're all dead she simply says "Back to the drawing board."
- The Tooth Hurts: As part of their transition to being human, members of the Wellness Centers pluck their fangs, something witnessed as part of Nandor's initiation. It's stated that they grow back every morning, necessitating repeated extractions.
- They Wasted a Perfectly Good Sandwich: Members of the Wellness Center act as humans by cooking food in the kitchen, only to immediately throw it out after barely prepping it.
- Variations on a Theme Song: The normal opening credits song is replaced by a Middle Eastern remix sung in Al Quolanudarese.
- Who Wants to Live Forever?: Nandor is going through a depressive episode, which according to Nadja happens occasionally to every vampire, because at his age he feels all the events over the centuries are repetitive and just run together. When Guillermo pleads with him to at last be turned before he leaves, Nandor states that he cares too much about Guillermo to inflict the curse of vampirism.
