Episode - Season 2, Episode 6 (Production Code: 2-19)
First Aired: August 13, 2006
Hank and Dean are getting ready for a double date with Triana and her friend, Kim. Dean is cutting himself up rather badly trying to shave while Hank misunderstands his instructions (to put on his best clothes) by putting on his best "costume," one of Batman. Dr. Venture and Brock force Hank to change. Dr. Orpheus, meanwhile, gives a very awkward "birds and bees" speech to Triana using a lot of archaic terms. Triana tells him not to worry about it, since it's only the Venture brothers.
In his home, Phantom Limb tries in vain to sell a stolen Rembrandt painting to a mafioso, who turns it down as he would rather have The Mona Lisa. Dr. Girlfriend complains that Limb's idea of super villainy is incredibly lame, while Limb retorts that he needs to make money since he doesn't have a trust fund like Dr. Girlfriend's ex, The Monarch. To show her that he is still evil, he kills the mafioso but then worries that blood will get on his fancy carpet. Dr. Girlfriend reminds him that they have dinner plans with The Monarch, then leaves to change outfits.
Henchmen 21 and 24 are wasting time at the Cocoon by beat-boxing when The Monarch comes in to tell them that he needs a ride. Unfortunately, the only car they have is 24's powder blue Nissan Stanza.
Dr. Venture reveals the reason why he bribed Orpheus to get the boys out of his hair for the night to Brock: he found a Dolly Parton movie called The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, which he is convinced is a porno.
Triana and Kim are on their way to the restaurant as Triana gives descriptions of Hank and Dean to Kim. She compares Dean to Buddy Holly and Hank to Fred from Scooby-Doo.
24 is driving 21 and The Monarch to the restaurant when The Monarch reveals that he needs to pick up his date, a girl he met through "the Livejournal," and that he plans to use her to make Dr. Girlfriend jealous.
Brock is driving Hank and Dean to restaurant in his Charger. He gives Dean date etiquette pointers, such as not letting the girls pay for anything, while reminding Hank not to use the word "score" or make the "see food/seafood" joke.
In Phantom Limb's car, Dr. Girlfriend is giving Limb the silent treatment.
While waiting for the girls to arrive at the restaurant, Hank pressures Dean to tell some fake stories about Hank being an Evil Knievel style stunt man and to call him "the Hankenator." The girls arrive and Dean freaks out. Hank manages to calm him down while checking out Kim by pretending to look at his communicator watch.
On the other side of the restaurant, The Monarch sits down with his date, who he only knows by her screen name, "Jollyrancher 82." He tells the henchmen to sit elsewhere and pretend they don't know him.
Phantom Limb arrives with Dr. Girlfriend, and each of the diners gives differing accounts of the accident that led to Phantom Limb gaining invisible limbs:
The Monarch tells his date that Limb used to be a scrawny kid in college but had his 12-year-old roommate (Billy Quizboy) create a machine to accelerate muscle growth. It backfired, causing the molecules in his limbs to grow faster than the speed of light. They became invisible and could kill anyone he touches.
At the bar, 21 tells 24 that Billy invented a time machine, but it malfunctioned, sending Billy's hand and Phantom Limb's limbs into the future.
Hank explains to Kim and Triana that Phantom Limb used to be a magician. While performing for the Queen of England, he accidentally made all his limbs disappear. They're now on the moon with all the other stuff magicians make disappear. Oh, and then he chopped off the hand of a kid (Billy) and ate it. And that same kid operated on Dean's balls. Dean is embarrassed by the last detail of Hank's story, so Hank tells the girls that the boys need to go to the bathroom.
The reason for the meeting between The Monarch and Phantom Limb is revealed to be that The Monarch is rejoining the Guild and purchasing villain insurance ("a #38 with henchmen) for he and his henchmen. The Monarch explodes and calls out Limb as a lame villain who wears granny glasses and sells insurance. The two go back and forth, with Limb insulting The Monarch for failing so many times to kill the Ventures. The Monarch tells Limb that if it's so easy, dares him to just do it. Limb takes the dare and calls Guild operatives, Watch and Ward, to put a hit out on the Venture family. ("Four and a robot.") Dr. Girlfriend leaves the table in disgust.
Back at the compound, Rusty is disappointed as he is realizing that the Dolly Parton movie he is watching isn't really a porno. Just then, Brock walks in naked ("to prey on their fear") with the severed head of a Guild Stranger in hand. The electricity goes off, then the backup generators go off as well. Brock tells Venture to get to the panic room while he deals with the Strangers, mentioning that they might not make it this time...H.E.L.P.eR escorts Venture to the panic room while Brock stabs a Stranger from behind. The dying Stranger reveals that their targets were "Four and a robot" to Brock. Brock, realizing that the boys are in danger, tries to call H.E.L.P.eR with his wrist communicator, but H.E.L.P.eR is in pieces on the floor next to Doc's severed arm. Brock drives off to save the boys.
The Monarch is pissed because Phantom Limb believes he has killed the entire Venture family. Limb excuses himself to go to the restroom, but walks in on Hank and Dean (still alive,) so he slips into one of the stalls. Hank has a wet spot on his pants that he and Dean are trying to deal with before returning to the girls.
Brock, driving to the restaurant still naked and covered in blood, gets a call from Rusty from the panic room. Rusty wants Brock to return, as he's lost most of his blood and one of his arms. Brock tells him that he needs to rescue the boys and to just hang on.
The Monarch, now alone in his booth having since scared off his date, decides to use the bathroom. 21 and 24 notice that The Monarch has left and go to the bathroom before leaving to look for him. Brock contacts the boys via their communicator and tells them to stay put as Hank uses the hand dryer to dry his pants. Predictably, Hank's pants catch on fire, so Dean stomps Hank's groin to put the fire out. Phantom Limb, still in one of the bathroom stalls, calls off the hit as he plans to kill the Venture boys himself. Brock hears this over the headset of a dead Stranger and steps on it.
In the girl's bathroom, Kim and Triana meet Dr. Girlfriend. Dr. Girlfriend, based on their manner of dress, believes that the girls are part of the Guild. She gives Kim her card, inviting Kim to call her and then leaves. Kim thinks Dr. Girlfriend was hitting on her, but Triana tells her to look at the card, revealing Dr. Girlfriend to be a super villain. This excites Kim, who now wants to join.
Brock slips into the men's bathroom through a window and jumps into the stall occupied by 21 and 24. They tell him to check the next stall, which contains The Monarch. The Monarch assures Brock that he had nothing to do with this current situation, blaming it on Phantom Limb. Brock finally checks the third stall, where Phantom Limb explains the situation. They agree to a truce, shake hands, and leave as enemies.
The boys make it back to their booth without incident, where Kim informs them that she is going to become a supervillain. Hank explains that he is going to be Batman, and the boys do a "Go Team Venture" salute. Kim whispers to Triana that she has found her first arch-enemies.
The Stinger shows that Billy Quizboy has reattached Rusty's severed arm. Billy recalibrates his own mechanical arm, which gets buggy when he uses it for sensitive procedures. Rusty asks him where he got it, and Billy explains that he has no idea.
Tropes:
- Bait-and-Switch: The Stinger makes you think that Rusty has a robotic hand to replace the one Phantom Limb's men removed. Turns out it's Billy's hand that he's recalibrating, and Rusty has his old hand reattached.
- By "No", I Mean "Yes": Billy cracking wise about Rusty's reattached arm:Billy: Don’t lift anything for a while or your arm might fall off.
Rusty: Really?
Billy: No, I’m joking. But seriously, don’t lift anything for a while… because your arm could fall off. - Disproportionate Retribution: Phantom Limb threatens Brock Samson with this.Phantom Limb: You take me out and the Guild of Calamitous Intent will rain down on you en masse - every woman you've loved, every mouth you've kissed, every hand you've shaken will fall dead to the ground!
- Full-Frontal Assault: Brock vs. the Guild Strangers
- Knight of Cerebus: Phantom Limb comes far closer to killing the Venture family than The Monarch ever has. Even noted by Brock when he admits that they may not make it out alive this time after realizing they are being attacked by Guild Strangers.
- Mistaken for Gay: Kim thinks Dr. Girlfriend is hitting on her when she goes on about "Being fed up with men" and giving Kim her business card.
- "Not So Different" Remark: Phantom Limb makes one to Brock Samson, who claims to get those speeches a lot and thus doesn't feel he needs another one; they do however "shake hands and leave as enemies" without killing one another, indicating some measure of mutual respect.
- The Rashomon: Three different stories are told about how Phantom Limb ended up the way he is. All of them involve Billy Quizboy and some kind of accident.
- 21's story: Phantom Limb and Billy invented a time machine together, but it went wrong and only teleported Limb's... limbs... as well as Billy's hand into the future.
- The Monarch's story: Phantom Limb was a scrawny nerd in college, and Billy helped him out by inventing a machine to make him stronger. It worked a little too well, making his limbs invisible and also giving him the Touch of Death he's known for. This is actually the closest to the truth. No doubt the Monarch had more reliable info because he actually went to the same college.
- Hank's story: Phantom Limb was a stage magician, and Billy was his assistant. One day, he performed a trick that went so badly that his limbs ended up on the moon, and then he ate Billy's hand.
- Searching the Stalls: When Brock is looking for Phantom Limb inside the bathroom. He begins searching each stall, encountering a different villain in each one, before finding his target. It has to be said that at this point Brock is completely naked and covered in blood.
- Serious Business: The Monarch takes his supervillainy very seriously:Jollyrancher82: "I just thought, you know, "The Monarch," I thought you were into cosplay?"
The Monarch: "Real name. And I am into costume business, not costume play." - Shout-Out:
- Rusty sits down to watch The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, assuming (wrongly) that it is a Dolly Parton porno.
- After Brock stabs him in the kidney, a dying Guild henchman asks if he can sing him one of his favourite Technotronic songs before he dies.
Guild Henchman: ...maybe "Pump up the Jam"
?Brock: I don't know...Guild Henchman: What about "Move this"? Do you know that one? - Shown Their Work:
- The Rembrandt painting Phantom Limb is trying to sell is one that is actually missing in Real Life - as are the other three paintings beside it, all four stolen during the same unsolved heist
- Phantom Limb's claim that the Mona Lisa is only famous because it was stolen is pretty accurate. The painting wasn't widely known until 1911—in fact, people didn't realize it was missing for almost an entire day when it was stolen. The resulting media circus, followed by newspapers parroting claims from particularly obsessive art historians about its status as an all-time masterwork, was what solidified it in the public's eye as a great painting. His remarks about it being a relatively small painting are also true.
- Small Reference Pools: Phantom Limb is very annoyed that a gangster looking to pick up a great bit of artwork can only think of the Mona Lisa, pointing out that Rembrandt is also a great artist and several of his works easily outdo Mona in terms of critical opinion.
- Stock Unsolved Mysteries: Phantom Limb is in possession of at least four of the paintings stolen from the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum in 1990, still missing in real life, including most famously Rembrandt's Storm on the Sea of Galilee.
