Episode - 9F11\\
First Aired - 1/21/1993

Selma once again must find a man so she can raise a family and not die alone like her recently-deceased aunt Gladys, but when Homer falls ill due to a rotten hoagie and Selma volunteers to take Bart and Lisa to Duff Gardens, she soon realizes that she has little to no motherly skills or instinct.

!!This episode contains examples of (YMMV tropes can be found [[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/YMMV/TheSimpsonsS4E13SelmasChoice here]]):
* AmusementParkOfDoom: Duff Gardens is a subversion. The worst the park has is roaming gangs (Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney, who are shown getting arrested as part of a commercial, but later steal three bumper cars and ride them off into the sunset) and unprofessional/incompetent workers (Surly, the Barrel Roll coaster operators, the "Complaints" line lady who tells a customer to "get bent," and the "doctor" who gave Lisa a handful of pills). The real danger comes from Bart wreaking havoc (by pulling down the George Washington robot's pants and getting stuck on a roller coaster) and Lisa getting high on the tainted water in the "Little Land of Duff" ride.
* AsLongAsItSoundsForeign: The man on the ham radio is actually speaking foreign-sounding gibberish. Usually, the GoldenAge writers of ''TheSimpsons'' [[ShownTheirWork actually research a foreign language and teach it to the voice actors]], but, in this case, they decided not to do it as RuleOfFunny.
* AttentionDeficitOohShiny: Homer loses interest during Aunt Gladys's {{video will|s}} by fast-forwarding to the end of Great Aunt Gladys' reading of Robert Frost's poetry, much to Marge's annoyance (however, Jackie, Patty, Selma, Bart, and Lisa want Homer to skip over it).
* BlackComedy: Bart tricking Lisa into thinking Great Aunt Gladys is alive.
** One of the Moleman kids falling out the window (in the fantasy of what Selma's life will be like as Hans Moleman's wife), followed by a long, chilling silence before it goes back to reality.
* {{Bowdlerisation}}: In-universe, Music/LouReed's "Walk on the Wild Side" (filled with many references to prostitution, racism, transsexuality, and drug abuse) is performed by Hooray for Everything at Duff Gardens. In keeping with the group's "clean-shaven sounds", the lyric "And the colored girls go" is changed to "And all the races sing".
* {{CallBack}}: One of the movies Marge rents for a sick Homer is ''The Erotic Adventures of Hercules'', starring Troy [=McClure=] as Hercules and Norman Fell[[note]]Mr. Roper from ''Three's Company''[[/note]] as Zeus. ''The Erotic Adventures of Hercules'' was first mentioned in the episode "Mr. Plow", during ''Carnival of the Stars''.
** Selma continues her search to find a man and have a baby out of fear of dying alone, as seen in "Principal Charming" and "Black Widower".
* ColorFailure: Lisa turns pale under the effects of the water she drinks at the Little Land of Duff.
* ComicallyMissingThePoint: Selma questions Homer's success at raising his children by asking "How do you do it?". Homer responds by explaining how to turn a bedsheet into a toga.
** Homer thinking artificial insemination is having sex with a robot. When Marge whispers what it really is, Homer says, "I knew that."
* DidIJustSayThatOutLoud: When Selma says that Gladys's legend will live on, Homer thinks to himself, "Yeah, the legend of the dog-faced woman." He then repeats the phrase aloud in amusement, leading to a scolding from Marge.
* EditedForSyndication: The following scenes were edited out in the syndicated version:
** After Homer hugs Patty and Selma and they insult him within earshot, there's a short scene where Homer packs the stationwagon with luggage. Bart complains, "Hey, Homer! This luggage is crushing me!" Homer retorts, "Hey, you don't hear Lisa complaining!" followed by a cut to show that [[ExactWords Lisa isn't complaining...because she's so smushed up against the window that she can't even speak]].
** Bart and Lisa counting the luggage falling off the car on the way to the funeral.
** A scene where Marge, caring for a sick Homer, offers some rental tapes, ''Boxing's Greatest Weigh-Ins'' and ''Yentl''[[note]]and later, ''The Erotic Adventures of Hercules''[[/note]]. Homer asks what ''Yentl'' is and Marge tells him it's about a bookish young Jewish woman who poses as a man so she can go to rabbinical school. When Homer says ''Yentl'' sounds great, Marge concludes that he's delirious.
* {{Edutainment}}: Selma assumes the ''Beer Hall of Presidents'' is this (it's actually a thinly-disguised ad for Duff Beer) and insists the kids have to sit through the whole thing: "Settle down. Anything this bad has to be educational!"
* EveryoneHasStandards: Even Groundskeeper Willie, a brash, slovenly school janitor who has seen his share of disgusting moments in school (mostly bathroom accidents and Wendell the pale kid puking), thinks Selma's dating video of her doing the cherry stem knot trick on a lit cigarette is revolting ("Back to the loch with you, Nessie!")
** Homer, for all his hatred for Marge's sisters, is actually civil to them in this episode (barring the "Legend of the Dogfaced Woman" crack and fast-forwarding the video will). He doesn't snark back when Patty tells Selma to "close your eyes and think of [=MacGyver=] when Homer hugs them and Homer feels bad for Selma not being able to control the kids during the Duff Gardens.
* GenerationXerox: The babies that all look and belch like Barney Gumble, and the Hans Moleman kids (who are all blind and ugly) in Selma's ImagineSpot of life as Mrs. Hans Moleman.
* GettingCrapPastTheRadar and DoubleEntendre: The slogan for the sperm bank is, "Put Your Sperm in Our Hands".
* GrossUpCloseUp: Selma chewing on one of her cigarettes, then presenting the disgusting aftermath on her tongue.
* IAteWhat: The rotten hoagie that Homer took home from a nuclear plant picnic. Subverted in that Homer knew what he was eating, but he kept it for so long, it began to turn purple and grow fungus on it (and he ''still'' ate it despite that and his obvious illness). This was based on an actual sandwich that one of the writers ate that did go bad overtime, though it never turned purple in real life.
* ImGoingToDisneyWorld:
-->'''Announcer:''' Hey, Lance Murdock, you just jumped sixteen blazing school buses. What are you going to do now?\\
'''Lance:''' ''(in pain, having just crashed into a wall after the stunt)'' I'm going to Duff Gardens!
* {{Jerkass}}: Surly of the Seven Duffs. He even says so himself when he refuses to get Bart off the rollercoaster ("Hey, Surly only looks out for one guy: Surly.")
* LampshadedTheObscureReference: While the Simpsons and Bouviers are eating at a diner on the way to the funeral, Marge reminisces the time she and her sisters dived into the water and made a skydiver formation as their Aunt Gladys watched on from a pier. "Oh, wait, that was ''Film/PrinceOfTides''."
* [[LieBackAndThinkOfEngland Lie Back And Think Of MacGyver]]: How Patty and Selma cope with Homer hugging them.
* LovePotion: Selma tries to buy one from a psychic, but the psychic accidentally ingests truth serum after confessing that the "love potion" is made of corn syrup and rubbing alcohol and that "you'll be lucky if it doesn't make your hair fall out..."
* MushroomSamba: Lisa after drinking the water in "The Little Land of Duff" ride.
* NoodleIncident: When Bart pulls down the George Washington robot's pants, his eyes turn red and it looks as if he's going to attack Bart or run amok, but it goes to the next scene before anything happens. Later when Bart is rescued from the Barrel Rollercoaster, the George Washington robot is headless and jabbering. What happened in the interim?
* OoCIsSeriousBusiness: Patty and Selma's reaction when Homer, who usually dispises them, actually sympathizes with them in light of their Aunt Gladys's death.
* PantyShot: Lisa gets one as she and Bart jump off the couch when Homer is inspired to take the kids to Duff Gardens.
* ShoutOut: Duff Gardens is a double-pronged spoof. In real life, the Busch Gardens theme parks (which contain a combination of wildlife exhibits and thrill rides) were still owned by a beer company when this episode was made and ran with the idea, resulting in a park where beer is the main theme. The other spoof target is obviously the DisneyThemeParks, such as "It's a Small World" (Little Land of Duff), ''The Hall of Presidents'' (''Beer Hall of Presidents'') and the Main Street/Disneyland Electrical Parade (Duff Gardens Parade). Even the Seven Duffs are a shout out to ''Disney/SnowWhiteAndTheSevenDwarfs''.
** After being rescued from swimming naked in the Fermentarium, a strung-out Lisa declares herself "[[Music/TheDoors The Lizard Queen!]]"
** The potato chips that resemble celebrities include Otto van Bismarck (a conservative German statesman who dominated European affairs from the 1860s to his dismissal in 1890), Maurice Chevalier (a French singer and actor), and Jay Leno (an American comedian and talk show host). The one Homer eats is the famous flag-raising statue and picture from the Battle of Iwo Jima.
** The ending where Selma sings "You Make Me Feel (Like a Natural Woman)" to Jub-Jub is based on the ''MurphyBrown'' episode where Murphy Brown sings this to her baby. The DVD commentary says it was an obscure reference, as ''Murphy Brown'' isn't remembered much today.
* SlasherSmile: After Bart pulls down the robot George Washington's pants, the (now malfunctioning) robot gives Bart one as its eyes start [[GlowingEyesOfDoom glowing red.]]
* SmokingIsNotCool: Selma chewing up one of her cigarettes to impress men. Even Groundskeeper Willie thought it was gross.
* SpecialGuest: Creator/PhilHartman as Lionel Hutz and Troy [=McClure=]
* TotallyRadical: The rapping UsefulNotes/AbrahamLincoln robot at the ''Beer Hall of Presidents'' is a spoof of this.
* UnintentionalPeriodPiece and TimeMarchesOn: The Duff Gardens commercial shows a rollercoaster called "The Whiplash" that won't be completed until 1994...which was 21 years ago as of this writing.
* UnsettlingGenderReveal: The minister is shocked when one of the ushers tells him that the man is eulogizing is, in fact, a woman. He assures that "at least most of what [he] said can be salvaged," but Patty tells him to sit down and warns him not to put the eulogy on the bill.
* TheUnSmile: Due to UncannyValley, the animatronic people in the "Little Land of Duff" ride. Bart whimpers that he wants to get off the ride, but Selma, Bart, and Lisa have to suffer through five more continents of those kid robots (at least until Lisa freaks out from drinking the toxic water and escapes with one of robots in hand).