PART 1:
In the early morning mist around a small, Southern Washington town, a group of six kids are looking for an abandoned house, the residents reported to have died from a painful curse years ago. They walk through bushes to see a completely intact house as opposed to the run-down building they were expecting. They plan to knock on the door, but the fog gathers, blocking the house from sight. A figure with long teeth tells the group to start running, the kids meeting the snarling snout of another being before running away.
At a gas station just over the Oregon/Washington line, Dipper calls Zander to get more info on their mission while the tanks fill up. Zander says that, in order to get the Stone back and fix the town, they need to reverse-engineer the event that caused it, which requires more Starkissed. A lot more, as the normal size is normally marble-big, and the Stone was huge in comparison.
He tells them that he will be collecting Starkissed pieces, and doing other things, around the world while the four of them look in the US, telling them that this is good as it keeps them on the move and hard for Graupner to track. Warning them that they may be being traced through phone signals, he tells them the first piece of Starkissed is in a town called Spoons, WA, Mabel already planning the jokes.
He tells them that Wendy will be able to sense the Stones sooner or later, but by nature of what they are, the stones are likely guarded by creatures, not humans. Telling them to get the pieces at any cost, Zander hangs up, Dipper not entirely happy with the little information they have. Using the hacked infinite credit card Zander gave them, they buy snacks and pay for the gas and get back on the road, the mystery of Arline paying Stan's ridiculous rent amounts solved.
Grumbling to himself as he drives, Wendy asks Dipper what has him pissed off. He says that he's scared he's loosing his touch on the whole mystery-solving thing, angry that he wasn't able to figure out Zander was hiding something, and that he didn't pick up on Wendy's secret at the beginning, and he hasn't figured out how to save her yet. Wendy encourages him that he's still good at what he does, the two commenting that, with the Journals still in their possession, it's only a matter of time until she's fixed. Dipper awkwardly asks if they could go on a date after everything is figured out, Wendy not exactly answering, the rest of the drive passing in silence and Dipper drowning in embarrassment.
Arriving in Spoons, the vehicles park along the misty coast, the heat prevalent as they debate their next move. As Soos is distracted by something, Dipper decides the best plan is to split up and ask around to see if anything weird has been happening recently. Getting Soos' attention, Dipper tries to tell him where to go, but Soos points them to a well-dressed woman and matching pug, excessive amounts of sunscreen covering any skin their thick clothing doesn't cover.
An idea in mind, Dipper says they should ask around in the building the woman and pug came out of before jumping to conclusions. The four and pig enter the store, General Spoons, the bored cashier directing Dipper and Wendy to the back while Mabel, Soos and Waddles examine the spoon aisle. Cracking jokes all the while, the cashier makes them pay for a spoon Waddles started nibbling on, disgruntled at the Hurrican Of Puns. One last joke causes him to have an attack and collapse to the floor, Mabel, Soos and Waddles deciding to catch up with Wendy and Dipper before they get in trouble.
Wendy and Dipper have found a janitor lazily moping the floor. Dipper describes the woman they saw outside, but the man's knowledge is limited to the woman buying 20 bottles of sunscreen for her family and heading off towards the mountains around the town. The two groups reunite, Wendy telling them about the info they got, Mabel telling them about the spoon they bought as Dipper leads them past the still twitching cashier, having confirmed his theory.
Pulling out the Journals, Dipper explains that they are dealing with vampires, doing something in his truck as the others read the pages. Informing his friends that he stocked up after he decided to spend the summer in Gravity Falls, Dipper pulls a cardboard box filled with glasses of anointed water out of a hidden compartment in his trunk.
Parking next to the local school after finding the path the kids from the Cold Open followed, the four enter the mountains, Dipper armed with half a dozen glasses, Soos and Wendy with sharpened sticks, and Mabel with her fists. Mist around them, the four eventually discover the pristine house behind the bushes, a doghouse in the yard confirming that they are in the right place.
Dipper takes a step forward, but is caught in a rope trap, dangling above the ground as a male vampire threatens to suck his blood. Mabel attempts to climb a nearby tree, but falls into a trap of her own. Dipper attempts to get a glass bottle out of his vest, but it falls to the ground. Wendy grabs one of the bottles, Soos planning to throw her into the air to give her a better shot, but a werewolf enters the party, causing the bottles to break.
Before the werewolf can attack, the vampire lands and tells the werewolf to get lost, saying the twins and their friends belonging to him. The werewolf reverts to her human form and says Soos and Wendy weren't trapped by him, the two getting into a screaming match before a new voice comes in. The girl turns back into a werewolf and runs away as the vampire woman from earlier lands.
The woman asks her son, Patty Edwardson, to explain the traps, but he starts yelling about the werewolf girl and about being feared, like vampires should be. The woman tries to get him to calm down, but he turns into a bat and flies away as another vampire shows up. The woman explains to the man about the traps, the two freeing the twins and apologizing for their son Pat's actions.
The vampires introduce themselves as Peter and Elizabeth Edwardson, explaining that Pat is struggling with how vampires are viewed in modern society. The twins, Soos and Wendy introduce themselves, confirming that the parent vampires won't suck their blood or anything. Elizabeth tells them that few modern vampires suck blood anymore before she and Peter invite them into their house to apologize for Pat's actions. Wary about going into the domain of bloodsuckers, but wanting to find the Starkissed they were told to get, Dipper agrees, and the four follow the vampires into the house.
PART 2:
After the awkwardness of being in home of Vampires and offered a drink while surrounded by taxidermy animals passes, Dipper tells the Edwardson's about their mission to get Starkissed and asks for their help. The two have a silent conversation between themselves for several seconds before Elizabeth heads deeper into the house.
Peter tells the group that he and his wife know about Starkissed, from the fact that it costs half a million per gram, to the fact that it comes from atom-sized gaps in the universe. He asks them what they want with the stones, Soos telling him they are saving the world as Elizabeth comes back, a jewelry box in hand. Explaining that Peter's grandfather made it, she pulls out a choker necklace, a marble-sized piece of Starkissed at the center.
Dipper asks if they could take it, but Elizabeth refuses, everyone getting distracted a few seconds later as a bat flies in. The bat turns into Pat, Elizabeth yelling at him for acting different and accusing him of hanging out with the werewolf girl. Pat says he hates her before Peter grounds him, taking away his coffin privileges, Pat sputtering before turning into a bat again and flying away.
Peter apologizes for Pat, saying he hasn't been the same since the neighbors moved in. He and Elizabeth open a window that shows a house in the distance, the kids at the other house playing with a dog until the dog turns into a 20-something boy. They explain that the family, the Taylors, moved in out of nowhere a few days ago. The two families had dinner, but Pat started acting different and wanting to be the vampire of myths after he talked to Lauren, the werewolf girl.
Mabel, bragging about her match-making expertise, offers to fix Pat in exchange for the Starkissed. Peter and Elizabeth agree, and we cut to the twins shopping for date items back at General Spoons. Dipper tells Mabel her plan won't work, but Mabel insists on her plan, the two checking out. Mabel pulls a confused Dipper away from the female cashier, not wanting to get busted for what happened earlier in the day. Reuniting with Soos and Wendy outside, now with the information that Pat hangs out in the graveyard and Lauren at the beach, Mabel begins laying out her plan.
Several hours and several thousand dollars later, Mabel steps out of the bathroom and into the main room of a fancy restaurant on the outskirts of Spoons. Italian accent and fake mustache both present, Mabel tells the restaurant staff to prepare one of everything on the menu as she walks over to the others. Dipper eyes her glow-stick infused skirt, doubtful about the plan she has. Mabel insists it'll be like Romeo and Juliet, her spirit unabashed by Dipper pointing out the two killed themselves in the end.
Dipper agrees to her plan and the three of them leave her alone to put the finishing touches on the date. Lighting candles on the table she has set up, Mabel is ready when Pat walks in just after sunset. In her terrible Italian accent, she leads a wary Pat to the table, assuring him the only trap is for the heart. She can't explain more as Lauren comes in just then, and she has to get dinner started. However, the two snapping at each other the entire time makes Mabel angry, something she had planned for.
Demonstrating her Paths abilities by kicking a wooden chair into oblivion, she makes Pat and Lauren sit down and stop yelling at each other. However they refuse to eat, admitting they are not romantic and are uncomfortable in the restaurant. Mabel agrees to let them leave, depressedly plopping down at the table as she tries to figure out where she went wrong. Dipper comes in and tells her that they have all the supplies to go through with Plan B- storming the Edwardson's home and taking the Starkissed by force- Mabel eventually telling Dipper she agrees with the backup plan.
Dipper leaves so Mabel can finish up, but as soon as he's gone, Mabel runs outside through a back door, still determined to get Lauren and Pat together. Running through the trees around the mountains, mabel replays the date in her mind, unable to see how people couldn't like it. She then realizes that she wasn't dealing with people- she was dealing with monsters, and monsters from different species at that. Climbing over a fallen tree, another rope wraps around her ankle, trapping her in midair again, a figure making it's way over to her.
Mabel tells Pat to let her down, but Lauren tells Mabel that she stole Pat's trap to help scare people. A shriek makes the two of them cover their ears, a huge bat flying in and cutting the rope Mabel is tied to. The girls watch as Pat returns to his vampire form and lands next to them, he and Lauren accusing each other of being hypocrites. Mabel comments that the two of them are cute before explaining what she's figured out- they do all the traps and attacks to get people to respect them for who they are.
Pat grumbles about his parents wanting him to hide what he is, Lauren admitting that her parents do the same thing. Mabel tells the two of them to be themselves, not what someone else wants them to be or what they feel they have to be. They apologize to each other for being stupid and competing with one another, taking each others hand as Mabel celebrates. Dipper, Wendy and Soos burst out of the trees, religious symbols and water guns filled with holy water at the ready, but stop when Mabel tells them that everyone's cool now.
Back at the Edwardson's home, Soos, Wendy and the twins watch as the family reunites, apologies and hugs all around, although the parents are less than happy with the news about Pat and Lauren being a thing. They still give Mabel the Starkissed, she and the others leaving quickly, the twins happy their parents don't know what they get up to in the summer. Dipper suggests getting out of town quickly so Zander can send them to the next location, Mabel not entirely able to keep what happened earlier a secret.
In a hospital room, the cashier from General Spoons is lying in bed, recovering from what was diagnosed to be a seizure. Still unable to talk, he cannot stop his family from brining in the town's mascot, Spoonman. Drowning in bad memories, the cashier comments to himself that being stuck in a town called Spoons isn't too bad- the town could've been called Forks.
Cryptograms:
Zogvimzgrev grgovh rmxofwvw "Nrwmrtsg Hkzipovh", "Nzyvo EH Yvoov", zmw "Hgroo Yvggvi Gszm Gdrortsg."
Alternative titles included "Midnight Sparkles", "Mabel VS Belle", and "Still Better Than Twilight."
Cnkt ck gxk mobkt znk zgyq zu ju znk osvuyyohrk, cnoin xugj ju ck zgqk? Znk Nomnxugj rkgjy zu g hkzzkx zusuxxuc, haz znk Lucxugj sge zgqk ay zu zusuxxuc ozykrl. When we are given the task to do the impossible, which road do we take? The Highroad leads to a better tomorrow, but the Lowroad may take us to tomorrow itself.
