PART 1
Dipper returns from the Library with several references to town data from the past ten or so years, hoping to figure out exactly when someone made a robot Tambry. Mabel mentions the charges turning Tambry into a robot, but Dipper refuses this theory and begins to look through the references. Unfortunately, whoever was supposed to keep the records up to date did not do a great job, leaving several days at a time unrecorded. But one exact week is missing from all the records- December 10-17 2012, the winter after the twins left, has no data what so ever.
Downstairs, Stan tells Soos and Wendy that he is opening a night watchman position once the Manor officially opens, and offers Soos the job. Soos is concerned about his capabilities and says he will think about it, Stan giving him until the Manor officially opens to decide.
The twins come downstairs, scaring Stan, who had thought Dipper would still be at the library. Dipper tells him that for once, he was able to go into town without disappearing for hours. He asks Stan if he knows about anything weird happening the December after they left, and tells him about the missing data. Stan says that while he doesn't remember anything weird, he would go downstairs and try to fish up something. Dipper wants him to go immediately, but Stan insists on waiting in case some tourists show up, just as a van pulls down the driveway.
Five guys, their clothes hinting at them being nerds, step out of the van and walk up to the building. They tell Stan they are the North Pacific Paranormal People, and their job is for them to rate paranormal establishments for their website. Wary at first, the NPPP's leader, Geoffrey, tells Stan people trust what they put online, causing Stan to pull his group into a huddle.
Stan asks if the building could survive the NPPP saying the 'paranormal' exhibits are fake. Soos and Wendy think the NPPP will love the place, or at least fall for it like everyone else does. However, the twins recognize some of the technology the NPPP have, and are concerned they will be able to figure out the attractions are fake. Stan asks how much the rating will cost him, and after being told it is free, the scramble begins to get a tour set up.
Stan kicks everyone out of the building while he gives the tour. Mabel starts training Dipper for real, starting with running around the building, then showing him some real moves. Eventually, he stops and the three of them watch her do her thing. Just after she lands three flips in the air at once, the NPPP guys come outside, none of them having fallen for Stan's exhibits.
Stan tries desperately to get them to believe him that there is weird stuff in the woods, but the NPPP ignore him, determined to give the Shack a one out of ten. The twins tell them that there really is weird stuff, and with the readings Ben, the guy who held the weirdness detectors, saw on the way in, the NPPP agrees to give them an hour to find something really paranormal.
The NPPP go into town for lunch as a desperate Stan sends the twins into the woods to find something that can convince the NPPP the Shack is the real deal. The twins debate what to bring back, considering and then ruling out the gnomes (could be short people), a phoenix (impossible to find and too dangerous), a dragon (same issues), and the size changing crystals (not close enough to the grove) before they hear something in the woods.
The something turns out to be Sibs the Goblin. The twins start to ask him if he could come back to the Shack with them, but he refuses, saying Goblins are forbidden to interact with humans unless they are required. But he does know of a place called The Grove of Earth, an ancient part of the forest that has a hold on the magical properties of the forest.
Sibs leaves as the twins enter the Grove, a place with stones littering the valley, mossy rocks in a circle in the middle. They start looking for a stone to bring back, but Dipper questions if any will be believably paranormal. They shine on their own, and, according to Sibs, were used to make the Shapeshifter-freezing necklace, but just taking one back wouldn't be enough.
The two of them climb the boulders and look into the center circle, a grass-less spot with a solid black rock in the center. As the twins watch, the light catches the stone, sending a rainbow pouring out of the side of it. The twins go down and pick it up, the same rainbow light coming out whenever they touch it.
They race back to the Shack, the stone making the feel happy. They show the others, Stan and Soos being infected with the same good feelings the twins felt. Wendy on the other hand stares at it like it is poison, and practically begs them to put it back where they got it. Stan says there is no way it could be dangerous and tells the twins to go put it on a pedestal inside.
The twins go inside, Dipper wanting to listen to Wendy's advice and take the stone back. Mabel agrees that Wendy is good at detecting stuff, and questions how she does it. Dipper doesn't care, shocking Mabel that there is a mystery he isn't worried about. Dipper is able to not hint to Mabel about his returned feelings for Wendy, and they prepare to put the stone on the pedestal.
Dipper prays the only that that happens is them saving the Shack, and Mabel says What Could Possibly Go Wrong?. At first, it seems like they avoided the curse, but their luck doesn't hold out, and they hear a boom from the forest. They rush outside and see four creatures that appear to be made of rock, vines, trees, moss, all types of earthy substances approaching the building. One creature that appears to be made of rock bends down and says, "I seek the thief," causing Wendy to say I Warned You.
PART 2
Dipper's friends push him forward, the rock creature focusing on him. The creature asks if he stole the Starkissed of Conservation. Another of the creatures clarifies that they are talking about the Stone the twins found, pointing out the twins may not have taken it intentionally, to the rock creature's dissent. The two creatures start arguing with each other as the gang debates what to do.
Dipper suggests giving the Starkissed Stone back, which Stan refuses, at least until the NPPP return. Wendy suggests offering the creatures something just as one of them says something about needing a break. Dipper quickly 'massages' one of the creatures, and offers to massage all of them... in an hour. The creatures accept... as soon as the Starkissed is returned to them.
Stan steps up to the creatures, telling them that throwing away a free offer is bad form. The creatures reveal themselves to be Golems, or Earth Spirits, and tell him their job is to protect the Stone and not let it leave the Grove. Stan points out they allowed two kids to take it, and the Golem tells him not to interfere with their Master's goals.
Stan agrees to give the Stone back, but begs the Gloems to let them hold onto it for an hour, which they yet again refuse. Mabel realizes that since they are Earth Spirits, she may be able to use her Paths training to contact the boss Earth Spirit and get the Golems to leave them alone. She says she needs a half hour to meditate and contact the Spirits, so Stan admits they took the Stone. He tells them they put it in a big, heavy safe that will take a while to open, buying Mabel the time and opportunity she needs to sneak away and try to contact the Spirits.
Mabel runs inside, grabs water, salt and matches, then runs back outside, into the forest. She goes to an old, abandoned mine shaft to focus. Putting a small pile of salt in front of her, she begins to meditate, focusing on the Earth. She lights a match and uses it to light the salt on fire. Nothing happens. She tries again. Still nothing. Mabel quickly realizes her task will be harder than she originally thought.
Back at the Shack, everyone is painfully aware the 30 minutes have come and gone, and the Golems are getting restless. The rock Golem moves to destroy the Shack when Wendy challenges it to a duel. The Golem accepts her staring contest challenge. Dipper points out there is no way she can win, but she says it's not about winning, just buying Mabel more time. Dipper gives a countdown and the contest begins.
Back in the mine shaft, an incredibly frustrated Mabel is on her last match, having made no progress in communicating with the Earth Spirits. Mabel considers holding a rock in her hand, but dismisses this, as holding something like fire would be impossible. She then realizes that since she is on the Path of Fire, she should be trying to communicate with fire instead of earth.
Lighting the last match and holding it in her hand, she stares into the flames, eventually able to communicate with Fire itself. Fire reveals that by lighting matches, Mabel was calling to the fire spirits the entire time. Mabel explains what is going on, and Fire tells her the Stone she and Dipper found, the Starkissed, is powerful and rare, and that the owner would be even less forgiving than the Golems he tasked with protecting it. Fire tells her that the owner, who is over six hundred years old, is one of the few beings that can directly communicate with the spirits.
Mabel asks if Fire can make the Golems calm down for a bit, but Fire says the Golems would only obey an Earth Spirit. That being said, Fire can do something to slow down the Golems, maybe not instantly, but effectively, as long as the Starkissed is put back as soon as the twins are done with it.
Fire tells Mabel that her hands are on fire, and once the match is out, she will begin to feel the pain. Mabel drops the match, her fingers singed, and begins to pour water on them as Fire leaves. Mabel's hands hurt, but she begins to make her way back to the Shack, confident help is on the way.
Back at the Shack, Wendy has broken the record for staring, and is still going strong. She suggests Dipper going after Mabel just as the NPPP guys show up again. Geoffrey thinks the Golems are robots and interrupts the staring contest, causing the Golems to go crazy and start smashing everything.
Ben scans the Golems, the machine telling the NPPP guys that they are real. They climb back into their van and try to drive off. Stan tells the Golems the NPPP have the Stone, and the Golems crash the van. Realizing the NPPP don't have the Starkissed, the Golems turn back to the Shack just as Fire's friend shows up.
A ball of flame crashes into one of the Golems, causing mass hysteria as everyone realizes that a Phoenix has just crashed the party. Mabel comes outside, the Starkissed Stone in her singed hands. She returns the Stone to the Golems, who look at her with a newfound respect, as they only know of one being that can summon a Phoenix.
The Golems leave, Starkissed in tow, as Mabel lets her pain be known. The Phoenix gets close to her, and Mabel touches the bird. Instead of it burning her hands more, it heals them, Ben explaining Phoenixes can heal, and even bring someone back to life, before the bird shrieks at him and takes off.
A very cocky Stan walks over to the shocked and terrified NPPP, who quickly agree to give the soon-to-be Manor a ten out of ten, before driving away as fast as their now beat-up van can take them. Mabel explains that she contacted Fire instead of Earth, and everyone is content that they are all still alive and the building is still intact. Well, except for the fire quickly spreading over the roof from the Phoenix.
Cryptograms:
Zkr hadfwob gr wkhvh jrohpv vhuyh? Pdbeh kh'v lqwr jdughqlqj.
Who exactly do these golems serve? Maybe he's into gardening.
9-20'19 19-15-15 19-16-1-18-11-12-25. 12-5-20'19 21-19-5 9-20 1-19 1 4-9-19-3-15 2-1-12-12!
It's soo sparkly. Let's use it as a disco ball!
