Little Sister
Moira leaps from her bed and shouts “Fuck me!” and is panicked that they might have bedbugs or other vermin. Johnny tries to calm her down and there is a knock on the door. A woman pops her head into the motel room. It’s Dee Dee, Moira’s younger sister. Moira isn’t happy to see her, and she says she thought it would be fun to surprise her big sister in her new digs. She also asks if they really have lice.
Moira inspects the bed, and John tells Dee Dee she’s looking well, which she credits to seaweed facials. She says she wanted to come visit when she heard about their lives collapsing, but she got a big promotion. She says she can thank the internet for letting her know they were still alive. Moira reminds her there is also the telephone, she could have called and said it was Moira’s deadbeat sister. Moira calls David and Alexis and says to say hi before their aunt disappears for another decade.
Dee Dee says she can’t believe how they’ve grown. Alexis thought she was dead, and David says the last time he saw her was when she crashed one of his pool parties with someone she was calling “Uncle Julio.” She laughs, and she gives them each a hundred dollars. This delights them, and they leave. Johnny offers to get her a room in the motel, and she declines. She has a junior suite at the Comfort Inn in Elmdale because they have a gym.
In the lobby, Stevie is flirting with a handyman named Grant. David comes in and is immediately jealous. He and Stevie snipe a bit, and David snarks at Grant. When Grant leaves, David asks if he’s going to do some repairs on her undies. She replies whose to say if he hasn’t already. She asks if that’s a problem, and he says no, go ahead. She senses tension and says they need to set boundaries for their friends-with-benefits arrangement. He asks if she wants to do that before or after she screws Mr. Fix-It.
At the cafe, a smiling Ted and Alexis arrive, and Alexis throws something at Twyla to get her attention. Twyla says its all right, as her mom did the same thing that morning. They order coffees. Twyla says she’s writing a song for Mutt, and Alexis “casually” asks what the song is about, and Ted wonders why she’s interested. Alexis tries to talk Twyla out of it, even as Ted encourages her.
David is shopping for toilet paper at the Schitt’s Creek General Store when he runs into Jocelyn. She delicately asks him to help a student of hers who is having a hard time fitting in, as she senses he might have had a similarly difficult time fitting in, given his floral top. Her student is struggling with his sexuality, and he replies the thought of him life coaching anyone should scare her. Not taking no for an answer, she cheerfully says she knew there was a good person in him somewhere and suggests he get the quilted.
Alexis and Mutt are working trash detail at community service, and she is telling him that her relationship with Ted is the longest voluntary relationship she’s ever had. The longest relationship was with a Saudi Prince but for the last couple months of that one she was trapped in his palace trying to get to an embassy. She asks how it is going with Twyla. He says he doesn’t know, it’s fine. Mutt says it’s run its course, and they’ve both known for a while. Alexis seems surprised and feigns casual interest in the news.
At the cafe, Dee Dee asks why Moira is making this so difficult. Moira doesn’t want to go there, but Dee Dee does. Moira reminds her of the $50,000 she and Johnny loaned Dee Dee. Dee Dee says it was a gift. They disagree and fight. Dee Dee tries to give her a check, not all of the $50,000, but a start. Moira doesn’t even look at it and rips it up.
Back at the motel, Johnny wants to know why Moira turned down the offer of money. Moira says Dee Dee was insulting them. Johnny says let her, they need the money. Moira says she doesn’t want Dee Dee’s money, she wants their money. The money they loaned her. Johnny says it was a gift, and Moira spent more on wigs that year. They argue about whether or not to take the money.
David is in the lobby, and David passive-aggressively asks Stevie about Grant, and he brags about helping Joceyln’s student. Stevie asks how much he’s enjoying that on a scale of 1-10, and David replies 3.5. Grant comes in and David snipes at him. Grant asks Stevie about the porn on her computer, and David leaves. Grant observes David is a weird dude, and Stevie agrees.
At the high school, David looks around Joceyln’s classroom, and he touches a solar system model and causes it to collapse. The student, Connor, comes in, and David tells him that Mrs. Schitt thinks he might be able to help him because they are both new. He says he’s there to talk about fitting in. Connor sizes David up and wants to know if he’s a psychologist or doctor. David says no. Connor then says why would he talk to David? He also ridicules David’s pants and says the town makes him sick and he doesn’t want to fit in. This makes the situation awkward for David.
At the cafe, Johnny, Moira, and Dee Dee are looking at menus. Moira says order what you like, it’s on them. Dee Dee theorizes they are running a tab. They passive-aggressively talk about what to eat or not eat. Johnny tries to play the diplomat, saying family is important in times of crisis. Moira then carefully says she appreciates Dee Dee’s offer because she thought Dee Dee was there to gloat. Dee Dee says she wants to help, but the gloating was a bonus. Dee Dee gets her checkbook. Johnny won’t ask for a specific amount but asks for the equivalent of the $50,000 they gave Dee Dee. She writes a check, and Johnny takes it without looking.
Connor tells David that David's girlfriend is on a date with someone else, and instead of doing something about it, David is talking to a kid who has no respect for him. David says Connor is a little bitchy, and Connor makes an agreement face. David explains that she’s not his girlfriend, she’s just a girl who he has sex with occasionally because they are both bored and desperate. Connor asks if David has seen the 42 films they’ve made about friends-with-benefits. It never works. David says life isn’t always like the movies, and he’s a little older so he knows. Connor replies obviously, which annoys David. When David inquires if he’s going to be okay, Connor asks him to buy him some beer. David replies by saying Connor should buy him beer and walks out.
At the cafe, Alexis asks for water and again tries to talk Twyla out of writing the song. Twyla asks if Alexis talked to Mutt, and Alexis just says I think you should talk to him before breaking into song. Twyla, clearly upset about Mutt, thanks Alexis.
At the cafe, Twyla gives a cosmopolitan to David and says Mutt was just a placeholder, that according to her tea leaves, the guy she’s supposed to be with is black. Stevie shows up and asks why they are drinking. David says a snippy teen told him his life was a mess. Twyla, who also has a cosmo says she’s now a single person. David asks about Grant, and Stevie says he stood her up in the middle of the date. David says word on teen street is that friends-with-benefits is a bad idea. She’s his only friend, and he can’t afford to lose her. She agrees. They toast to it, and the cosmo makes David’s eyes tear.
At the motel, Johnny and Moira are getting in bed. He’s bemoaning that Dee Dee’s check is so small they lost money on the deal since they paid for dinner. He goes to be mumbling that Moira’s sister is a cheap ass.
Snarkiest Person in Schitt's Creek: David Rose, even if he is an asshole.
Tropes that Appear in This Episode
- Camp Gay: Rather than needing help fitting in, the snippy Connor, who also qualifies as The Twink, judges David’s pants and life with caustic wisdom.
- Better as Friends: David decides he values Stevie more as a friend than a sexual partner, she agrees.
- Friends with Benefits: David and Stevie are having issues with boundaries.
- Jerkass: Both Rose children behave quite badly in this episode. David is rather nasty to Stevie about her date with Grant, and Alexis hides her ulterior motives about Mutt from a trusting and hurting Twyla.
- Nobody Poops: Subverted. David is shopping, presumably with the $100 from his aunt, for better toilet paper.
- Sibling Rivalry: Moira and Dee Dee enjoy outdoing each other and seeing the other one fall.
- Stood Up: Grant does this to Stevie.
