Hawkeye writes to President Truman complaining about the war overall, but also the senseless tasks they have to do, such as camp beautification to obtain a much needed water heater.
Attention, all personnel! Please keep the camp clean by picking up the following tropes:
- Boomerang Bigot: A young Korean boy wants plastic surgery to make his eyes look more American because he thinks he'll get girls that way because they love GIs, rather than the fact that he's a child. Margaret talks him out of it.
- Colonel Kilgore: A Turkish officer who storms into the recovery ward to see an injured soldier thinks he shot himself in the foot on purpose and tries to murder the man for cowardice.
- The Dreaded: Margaret. When Klinger is trying to get men in the camp to do work, they absolutely refuse, until Klinger goes up to Margaret and tells her. All she has to do is smile, and the men immediately get nervous and do their jobs.Klinger: And next time, I won't be so easy on you!
- "Eureka!" Moment: Margaret has one when looking for ideas to expand the beautification project and Klinger reminds her they're a medical unit. Said idea? A fountain built from bedpans.
- From the Mouths of Babes: Kim Han, who despite speaking very good English, says a lot of things a boy his age should not be saying.
- Laser-Guided Karma: Said Turkish officer manages to shoot himself in the foot. Hawkeye snarks, "That's what a self-inflicted gunshot wound looks like!"
- Skewed Priorities: Who cares if the 4077th is a medical unit, the Army wants the camp beautified to impress foreign dignitaries, and they have to agree and do it if they want a new hot water heater.
- War Is Hell: Hawkeye takes every opportunity to remind Harry Truman of that fact in his letters.
- You Get What You Pay For: A Marine is rendered blind, possibly permanently, from a bottle of cheap moonshine. After Klinger hears about it, he immediately discards a similar bottle he'd been keeping in his foot locker.
- You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me!: The group reaction to receiving the orders that, if the 4077 wants a new water heater, they have to expend time and resources on a (ultimately pointless) beautification project.
