Title: Bones
Directed by: Max Gail
Written by: Lee H. Grant, Jordan Moffet, and Nat Mauldin (story), Jordan Moffet and Nat Mauldin (teleplay)
Air Date: April 30, 1982
Previous: Altercation
Next: Landmark: Part 1
Guest Starring: Howard Platt, Ivor Francis, Mark Banks, Luis Avalos, Panchito Gomez
"Bones" is the 19th episode of the eighth season of Barney Miller.
Wojo and Harris bring in a pint-sized mugger, Gilbert Pedrosa. It was easy, because the fellow he tried to rob, a big guy named Gordon Lynch, had him bound and subdued before the detectives even got there. It turns out that Mr. Lynch is a Scoutmaster, and Mr. Lynch, a gentle, friendly sort, hesitates to sign the complaint that could send Mr. Pedrosa to jail.
Wojo goes back out, this time with Dietrich, on a report of a disturbance at the natural history museum. They bring back Mr. James Long, a Native American who stole a bag full of bones. Mr. Long, a veteran left-wing protester, was offended at the desecration of his ancestors' remains, but when mild-mannered, kindly Dr. Travis from the museum comes in to sign the complaint, the two make friends.
Meanwhile, the decrepit 12th Precinct building is having maintenance problems again. This time, there's no running water. The maintenance man, Mr. Sanchez, asks for help fixing the pipes, and Barney sends Levitt, only for Levitt to fall into sewage. Wojo then goes downstairs to help, and the pipes get fixed. While they're knocking around downstairs Wojo stumbles across an antique rifle hidden in the walls. This rifle will lead within three episodes to the dissolution of the 12th Precinct and the end of the series.
Tropes:
- Blatant Lies: Gilbert claims the three wallets belong to his family. Barney opens up the first and discovers that it belongs to a Herschel Mishkin.Gilbert: There a problem with that?
- Chekhov's Gun: An actual gun, namely the antique rifle that Wojo finds in the walls. Dr. Travis asks to take it with him so he can check it out. This will prove pivotal to the last three episodes of the series.
- Chekhov's Skill: Dr. Travis, the archaeologist. He is there on an unrelated matter, but he identifies the rifle as a 19th century Spencer carbine. This will prove crucial over the last three episodes.
- Cunning Linguist: Despite obviously being completely fluent in English Gilbert demands that his Miranda rights be read to him in Spanish. Wojo accepts the challenge and is halfway through the Spanish-language Miranda rights when Gilbert stops him. Wojo then says "Do you wanna hear them in Polish?"
- Ethnic Menial Labor: Mr. Sanchez, the maintenance man called in to fix the pipes, who speaks in a torrent of English and Spanish mixed together. He's a short man and he expresses solidarity with Levitt, who comes back up to the squad room seething with rage after falling into a sewer pipe.
- Laughing at Your Own Jokes: Dr. Travis says he hopes the bones aren't damaged, saying "They're worth an arm and a leg!" Then he realizes the pun and laughs.
- Mistaken for Gay: Mr. Lynch invites Gilbert out for a weekend camping. Gilbert takes it the wrong way and says that he's met people like Mr. Lynch who rub up against him on the subway.
- Scout-Out: Mr. Lynch refers to himself as a "Scoutmaster", asks other detectives "Were you a Scout?", and talks about how his troop likes to go "Scouting." At no time are the words "Boy Scout" or "Boy Scouts" uttered.
- Shout-Out: Gilbert is offended that Mr. Lynch took him by surprise and overpowered him. He says "At least Charles Bronson wears a hat!"
- Unwitting Instigator of Doom: Wojo's discovery of the rifle will lead to the dissolution of the precinct.
