Title: Paternity
Directed by: Danny Arnold
Written by: Nat Mauldin
Air Date: October 29, 1981
Previous: Liquidation
Next: Advancement
Guest Starring: Stefan Gierasch, Rebecca Holden, Dana Gladstone, Pierrino Mascarino
"Paternity" is the first episode of the eighth and last season of Barney Miller.
A Wendy McWilliams, a lovely young woman who is in town for a beauty pageant, is flipping through mug books because she got mugged. Harris and Dietrich respond to a call of a disturbance at a movie theater and bring in a disappointed patron, Arthur Frane. It seems that Mr. Frane was watching a film called "Arbor Day" that turned out to be a slasher flick. Mr. Frane was so disgusted that he broke into the booth, assaulted the projectionist, and destroyed the print.
Meanwhile, Wojo is troubled. He tells Barney that he has gotten served with a paternity suit from one of his girlfriends of the week. Wojo is pretty preoccupied with the prospect of fatherhood, but when he comes back from a test at the doctor's office, he's even more preoccupied. It turns out that Wojo is off the hook for the paternity suit—because he's sterile.
Tropes:
- The Casanova: Wojo's Casanova ways appear to have caught up with him, as he ruefully notes. It turns out that they haven't, but that doesn't make him feel better.
- A Father to His Men: Barney is yelling at Wojo for his reckless behavior in charging a suspect who had a shotgun. After Barney bawls him out, saying that he could have gotten himself killed and maybe Dietrich too, Wojo says "I'll never have a kid to yell at."
- From Bad to Worse: Wojo has been slapped with a paternity suit? That's bad. Wojo can't ever have children because his sperm are dead? That's worse.
- Hypocrite: Mr. Lupton's been running a lot of gory slasher films, like "Arbor Day" and "Hotel Hacksaw" and "Mermaids from Hell". Mr. Frane says they're all disgusting, and he knows, because he's gone to see all of them.
- Ignored Epiphany: After getting a scare about how his womanizing ways might have gotten him stuck with a kid, Wojo escorts gorgeous Miss McWilliams home anyway. All he can do is look sheepish when he tells Barney he'll be back in the morning.
- Mama's Baby, Papa's Maybe: Wojo is pretty worried about getting stuck with a paternity suit. He's even more depressed when he finds out that he's sterile.
- Shout-Out: Mr. Frane is upbraiding Mr. Lupton, the theater owner, for showing disgusting slasher flicks. Mr. Lupton answers that he used to show good movies, classics like Dodsworth, Paths of Glory, and The African Queen, and the theater was empty.
- Slasher Movie: Discussed Trope. Mr. Frane says that gory slasher flicks like "Arbor Day" will just lead to the audience doing crazy things. Barney says "Like you," and Mr. Frane says "See?"
- Take That!: Mr. Lupton, trying to think of anything that he has to run besides slasher movies, says he might still have a print of Stella Dallas in the basement. After Mr. Frane sneers that Stella Dallas is sentimental "pap", Mr. Lupton threatens him with a George Brent comedy festival.
