Title: Computer Crime
Directed by: Max Gail
Written by: Dennis Koenig and Calvin Kelly (story), Calvin Kelly (teleplay)
Air Date: March 15, 1979
Previous: Identity
Next: Graveyard Shift
Guest Starring: Mabel King, Roger Aaron Brown, Barry Gordon, Rod Colbin
"Computer Crime" is the 20th episode of the fifth season of Barney Miller.
There are, as usual, two wacky cases. Wojo and Levitt bring in one Stanley Fine, who was caught trying to break into a brokerage firm and carrying a briefcase full of...stamps. It turns out that the stamps in the briefcase are actually quite valuable, and Mr. Fine has been embezzling from his firm, to the tune of $500,000, by hacking into their computers. When Mr. Fine's boss Mr. Harvey shows up, Barney is shocked by Mr. Harvey's reluctance to prosecute. It turns out that Mr. Harvey is scared to death of what might happen if the lucrative funds his firm manages find out that their security is so lax that a low-level office drone can steall half a million.
Wacky crime #2 involves two Jamaicans: a doctor, Anthony Keeling, and an obeah (basically a voodoo priestess), whose name is Miss Wiley but insists on being addressed as "Mother Zilla." It seems that after Dr. Keeling trifled with the affections of a young woman, the woman's family hired Mother Zilla to put a curse on him, and the disturbance that the cops were called to investigate involved Dr. Keeling barging in to Mother Zilla's home and demanding that the curse be lifted. Detective Harris is appalled at the sight of a black woman acting like a negative stereotype and even more disgusted that a medical doctor believes such nonsense.
Meanwhile, with Mr. and Mrs. Miller having recently reconciled, Liz is planning a special romantic dinner for Barney that clearly is going to involve some sex—if Barney can resolve all the nonsense in the squad room and go home, anyway.
Tropes:
- Death Glare: Mother Zilla's killer stare bores in on Dr. Keeling at one point, causing him to yell "Quit staring at me, you evil woman!".
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Directed by Cast Member: Max Gail directed this episode - First-Name Basis: Mr. Fine not only escapes prosecution, he uses Mr. Harvey's terror of bad publicity to get a promotion and a raise. As they're leaving he calls his arrogant boss "Mike." As Mike Harvey splutters "Mike?!", Mr. Fine says "Oh, didn't I mention that?".
- Hollywood Voodoo: A flamboyantly dressed Large Ham of an obeah casts a curse on a young doctor. Then she appears to use her magic powers to lock the cell door shut.
- Maybe Magic, Maybe Mundane: Mother Zilla at one point seemed to prevent Harris from opening the cell door by looking at it. Toward the end of the episode, she presented Barney (who is reconciling with Liz) with a talisman.Mother Zilla: Just wave this talisman three times over your bed, and souls that were separated will soon be reunited.
(Barney gives Wojo a Death Glare)
Wojo: I didn't say anything, Barn! - Moment Killer: Both Dietrich and Levitt barge in to the office while Barney's phone conversations with Liz are getting hot and heavy, as they're anticipating a night of passion. Dietrich for his part knows what happened and is amused.
- Newhart Phone Call
- Barney keeps calling Liz with conversations that grow steadily more erotic—there are pointed references to "dessert"—until someone barges in to the office and interrupts him.
- Before that the cold open has Harris explaining to a caller that they can't arrest her husband for wearing a dress, only to be told that the husband is wearing her dress.
- Orphaned Punchline: Dietrich is starting to tell Mr. Fine a joke about two computers getting into a conversation, when he's interrupted. He skips to the punchline: "Not in my databank you won't!".Dietrich: I'll fill it in for you later.
- Sarcasm Failure: Harris is howling with laughter after he hangs up on the Newhart Phone Call with a lady who wants her husband arrested for wearing her new dress. An unamused Barney sarcastically replies "I suppose there is a lighter side to suffering," only for a still cackling Harris to say "Yeah!".
- Stealing from the Till: Mr. Fine manipulated his brokerage firm's computers and stole half a million dollars. Barney is horrified when Mr. Harvey, who is afraid of the publicity, declines to press charges.
- Stop Being Stereotypical: Harris is disgusted to see two black people believing in curses and voodoo.Harris: Oh, this is really embarrassing.
