"It is so weak, you feel lonely (you have no confidence in this sword)"
—Deadly Towers instruction manual, on your starting weapon, the Short Sword
"You start off without a sword, forcing you to fight the armed guards with your bare hands, and this goes about as well as you'd expect at first."
"The sun has gone. It must be brought. You have a rock."
"When you're fighting skyscraper-sized enemies with a gun that shoots lightning, you're going to look back to this moment and be like 'heh.'"
— Borderlands 2, upon receiving your very first gun
Digger: You're taking your sandals, your robe, and a begging bowl? No food? No money? No first aid kit?
Murai: I am a servant of the god, honored Digger. The god will provide all that is needful.
Digger: Yeah. Okay. See, what I think you're failing to grasp is that your god did provide, and what he did provide was me. So you're going to corner whatever passes for a quartermaster in this joint, and you're going to get a blanket, a first aid kit, and a couple of pounds of trail mix, got it? And a knife. And tinder and flint. And I suppose it's too much to ask that anybody's heard of crampons around here...
Murai: I am a servant of the god, honored Digger. The god will provide all that is needful.
Digger: Yeah. Okay. See, what I think you're failing to grasp is that your god did provide, and what he did provide was me. So you're going to corner whatever passes for a quartermaster in this joint, and you're going to get a blanket, a first aid kit, and a couple of pounds of trail mix, got it? And a knife. And tinder and flint. And I suppose it's too much to ask that anybody's heard of crampons around here...
— Digger
"This is preposterous! Am I to face the undead with nothing but sticks and harsh language?"
— Kael'thas Sunstrider, on learning that by order of Alliance high command, he won't have any cavalry, artillery or air force to take out the approaching undead, Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne.
"Gordon, the whole world has been taken over by a race of malevolent aliens. All of humanity is depending on you. Here's a goddamned crowbar."
— David Wong, making fun of Half-Life 2
Doctor: Assets, I need assets. What have we got?
Captain Jack: Well I've got a banana, and at a pinch you could put up some shelves.
Captain Jack: Well I've got a banana, and at a pinch you could put up some shelves.
— Doctor Who, The Doctor Dances
Council Leader: The Nordic Council of History and Rediscovery reviewed your application to fund a research mission into the silent world. We've made a fair assessment of the amount you'll need based on the submitted report. And while this is, of course, a very controversial matter, and something many believe should not be supported financially...we recognize that perhaps the time to start expanding the peripheries of our knowledge has come. [hands some papers to the research team] Here is your budget. Now go, my brave friends, and lift the ancient veil of fear.
Taru Hollola: [excited] Oooh! [disappointed] ...Ooo...
Council Leader: Is something amiss?
Taru: Um, yes, kind of. The money. Could we please have some more of it?
Taru Hollola: [excited] Oooh! [disappointed] ...Ooo...
Council Leader: Is something amiss?
Taru: Um, yes, kind of. The money. Could we please have some more of it?
Black Mage: So I assume we'll have the full support of the Cornerian army to back us up [in the fight against Chaos], right?
King Steve: Hmm...not so much.
Red Mage: In that case, I'm sure you'll equip us with a horde of Corneria's most powerful items so we can hack and slash through anything without breaking a sweat. Right?
King Steve: Yes. Except replace the phrase "most powerful" with "weakest", and "equip you" with "you'll have to buy."
King Steve: Hmm...not so much.
Red Mage: In that case, I'm sure you'll equip us with a horde of Corneria's most powerful items so we can hack and slash through anything without breaking a sweat. Right?
King Steve: Yes. Except replace the phrase "most powerful" with "weakest", and "equip you" with "you'll have to buy."
Alinua: So... what did Erin say we needed for a safe expedition into the Caves?
Kendal: Map. Food. Supplies. Magical shielding. Small army.
Alinua: And what have we got?
Kendal: This torch.
Kendal: Map. Food. Supplies. Magical shielding. Small army.
Alinua: And what have we got?
Kendal: This torch.
King Misedor: This world is currently imperiled by the God of Destruction. We must rely on your strength. Now, take this stick and 500 bucks, and set off on your journey to save the world!
Cerberus: Do you seriously think you can defeat the God of Destruction with a stick and 500 bucks?! Wow, you're something else!
Cerberus: Do you seriously think you can defeat the God of Destruction with a stick and 500 bucks?! Wow, you're something else!
"All I've got with me is a pistol and an electric prod. I don't mind a test, but UNATCO better issue some hardware."
— J.C. Denton on being tasked with singlehandedly dealing with terrorists occupying the Statue of Liberty, Deus Ex
"Why is it that every time disaster strikes, I find myself without a proper blade?"
— The Prince, Prince of Persia: The Two Thrones
