Marge: If you just talk to him for five minutes without mentioning our son Bart, you'll see how sane he really is.
You mean there actually is
a Bart? Good lord!
There was this crazy albino guy who lived in a mirror, and if you even just look at him, you'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice cubes with your kidneys gone!
Peter: Oh-oh, funny sailing story. All right, this guy's on his boat in the middle of the ocean, right, and he sees a little black dog. And let me tell you, this dog's been swimming for days and he stinks like a dead otter. Right?
Lois: Peter, maybe this isn't the place.
Peter: Hang on, Lois. So the guy takes the dog into the vet and the freakin' vet tells him, get this, it's not a dog, it's a rat. A big, stinkin' Mexican rat. True story.
Meg: Dad, that's just an urban legend.
Peter: Hand to God, I tell you, a big freakin' rat. Five times as big as that guy's steak.
Lois: Oh Peter, that rat gets bigger every time you tell this story.
Oh I got a million of 'em. Like my buddy's sister's boss. He was drinking with a hooker in this Vegas bar. BAM! Woke up without his kidneys!
Bart: (on video) I'd like to nominate my teacher, Mrs. Krabappel. She may not be glamorous or entertaining, she's just a real teacher who comes in every day no matter what. And she never gave up on me, Bart Simpson.
(everyone in the room gasps)
Woman: The Bart Simpson?
Man: I thought he was just an urban legend.
If she's danced with the devil in the blue shorts and lived, we have ourselves a nominee.