Quotes / There Are No Therapists

LALONDE WANTS TO PUT ME IN THERAPY. I DOUBT HER SINCERITY. AM I READY TO POUR MY HEART OUT TO A NEAR STRANGER? IS SHE SINCERE ABOUT THIS?
I NOTICED SHE'S VERY SARCASTIC. HELL, SO AM I. SHE BETTER WATCH IT WHILE I'M ON THE FUCKING COUCH AND SHE'S SCRIBBLING IN THAT NOTEBOOK.
(...)
WHAT IF IT'S WORTH A SHOT? IT'S WHAT HUMANS DO WHEN THEY FEEL LIKE SHIT. WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY THERAPISTS ON ALTERNIA. MAYBE THAT'S WHY TROLLS WERE SO SHITHIVE MAGGOTS.

— Karkat Vantas, in the fic Capslocked Soliloquy

"Two pills? Great. Why don't you just give me a bottle of scotch and a handgun to blow my FUCKING HEAD OFF?"

— Billy Costigan, The Departed

Marinette: [laughing] Ah, I get it. You're a manifestation of my anxiety here to tell me I can't ever relax a little bit because if I do everything is going to fall apart! Ha! Where’s the manifestation of how I always feel like I'm not enough for anyone? Or the manifestation of guilt for how much my choices fucked people over?
Capricorn: [deep breath] Mari, honey, please get some fucking therapy.
Marinette: Alix said there won't be a therapist who specializes in my bullshit for a few more years.
Capricorn: I don't know what that means.

— Hero Chat

Lily: Barney, you have to learn how to express these feelings. Maybe you should talk to a psychiatrist.
Barney: Psh, please. If I'm gonna pay some woman two hundred dollars an hour to make me feel better, we aren't going to be talking.

— How I Met Your Mother, "Benefits"

See? If SEMME had hired any therapists, Joyce wouldn't have been able to mentally snap, break free in a burst of rage, and go on a violent rampage, saving everyone! The system isn't broken! It works!

— David Willis, on this It's Walky! strip

"A 'therapy stream'? I don't think there's any therapist on the Faction Isles, guys. I don't therapy has been invented yet. I think that would explain a lot of things."

— Acho in response to his stream chat petitioning for his character to get therapy, Pirates SMP

"Then whom should I inquire about to understand myself?"
"A therapist?"
"NERV has lacked a therapist ever since the previous head therapist was arrested for illegally prescribing Methylphenidate to college students in Tokyo-2 who lacked requirements to be prescribed said drugs." Huh, that explains a lot actually.

— Rise of the Minisukas

"You can't solve this through willpower, or positive thinking, or taking advice from a Hollywood actor and the dead science fiction writer he worships. You need some help."

— Jordan Sullivan (on why there are therapists), Scrubs

Wit: You should be proud! You are officially Roshar's first psychiatrist.
[Kaladin and Syl share a look]
Kaladin: We don't know what that is, Wit.
Wit: I know! Because you haven't finished inventing it yet.

— The Stormlight Archive

"How ironic. All the money in the world wasn't shelled out for a decent therapist."

— Carly Nagisa talking about Reira Akaba, Symposium Of Supremacy

Sometimes I wonder whether it would be easier if I just had Shizuru see a psycologist. The problem being, how does she say "I have a huge guilt complex over killing scores of people with my summoned demon named after the legendary Kiyohime" without being put in an asylum? Perhaps the First District has specialized psycologists. Oh, wait. She blew them up. That's what she's guilty about.

— Author's note, Windows of the Soul, Chapter 10

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