Stan Laurel: What do you want?
Police: I don't want you, I want that other monkey!
*Stan's call out whistle sounds*
Oliver Hardy: What is it?
Stan Laurel: HE DOESN'T WANT ME, HE WANTS THE OTHER MONKEY! (Oliver looks at nowhere) YOU!
Oliver Hardy! Oh!
—One of the scenes in The Music Box
Professor: What is the meaning of this!?
Oliver Hardy: Do you live here?
Professor: Do I live here? This is my home! What are you doing here?
Oliver Hardy: Why, we just delivered your piano.
Professor: [furious] PIANO!? PIANO?! I hate and detest pianos! They are mechanical blunderbusses! Take it out of here before I commit murder! TAKE IT OUT! [Stan and Ollie pick up the piano and try to carry it out] TAKE IT OUT! TAKE IT OUT OF MY- [Stan backs into a table, smashing a vase of flowers on top of it] NOOO! THAT'S ENOUGH! STOP! WAIT A MINUTE! I'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU! I'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU!
[screaming all the while, the Professor storms out and returns with an axe as Stan and Ollie backpedal; he hits the piano, which starts playing "The Star-Spangled Banner", causing Stan and Ollie to salute, followed by the Professor... for a few seconds]
Professor: [as he switches off the piano and smashes it to bits with the axe as Stan and Ollie watch in horror] I'LL TEACH YOU! [his wife returns and is as horrified as Stan and Ollie] I'LL SHOW YOU! PIANO IN MY HOUSE!
Wife: [gasps] THEODORE!
Professor: I HATE PIANOS!
Wife: Theodore! What are you doing?!
Professor: Why, these two blundering idiots! Delivered a piano here by mistake! Look at our home!
Wife: Why, it wasn't a mistake, darling! I bought the piano to surprise you on your birthday! [sobs into his shoulder]
Professor: [patting his wife on the back] Oh, there, there, dear, I wouldn't have had this happen for a million dollars!
Wife: I thought you said you hated pianos.
Professor: What, me hate pianos? Why, I'm NUTS about them! [to Stan and Ollie] Excuse me gentlemen, what can I do to show you how sorry I am?
Oliver Hardy: [shows the Professor a ledger] Just sign here! [hands the ledger to Stan and does his trademark tie-twiddle] Service with a smile! Stanley? The pen.
[Stan hands the pen to the Professor, who removes the cap - and immediately gets a face full of ink]
Professor: [as Stan and Ollie flee] WHY YOU!!... OUT OF MY HOUSE! [as his wife restrains him] OUT OF MY HOUSE!
—At the end of the film.
