History Quotes / TeamFortress2

''(crack)''\\

->''"I got a manky eye. I'm a black Scottish cyclops. They got more f''([[SoundEffectBleep long bleep]])''s[[labelnote:uncensored]]feckin' sea monsters in the great Lochett Ness[[/labelnote]] [[LastOfHisKind than they got the likes of me]]. ''[[DareToBeBadass So!]]'' T'all you fine dandies so proud, so cocksure, prancin' aboot with your ''heads full of eyeballs!'' ''[[BringIt Come and get me]],'' I say! I'll be waitin' on ya with a whiff o' the old brimstone! ''I'm a grim bloody fable... '''with an unhappy bloody end!''''' Oh, they're goin' ta have to glue yew back together...'''IN HELL!'''"''

-> '''RED Scout:''' Ya listening? Okay. Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and brudder? I ''hurt'' ''(audibly pokes the camera lens)'' people. I'm a force o' nature. If ''you'' were from, where ''I'' was from, you'd be [[SoundEffectBleep f**kin']] dead.

'''BLU Spy:''' No... that would be ''[[YourMother your mother]]''! ''(reveals several photos of the Scout's mother with the RED Spy)''\\

->'''RED Heavy:''' Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe... ''(sniff)'' maybe. I have yet to meet one that can outsmart '''''bullet'''''.
-->-- ''Meet the Heavy''

->'''Red Soldier:''' If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it... and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor! [...] Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, ''and then he beat the crap out of every single one.'' [...] And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a '''zoo!''' [...] Unless it's a farm!
-->-- ''Meet the Soldier''

-> '''RED Engineer:''' How am I gonna stop some big mean mother[[GoshDangItToHeck hubbard]] from tearin' me a [[SesquipedalianLoquaciousness structurally superfluous new behind]]? [...] The answer? Use a gun. And if that don't work? [...] Use ''[[MoreDakka more]]'' gun.\\

-> '''RED Demoman:''' I got a manky eye. I'm a black Scottish cyclops. They got more f''([[SoundEffectBleep long bleep]])''s[[labelnote:uncensored]]feckin' sea monsters in the great Lochett Ness[[/labelnote]] [[LastOfHisKind than they got the likes of me]]. ''[[DareToBeBadass So!]]'' T'all you fine dandies so proud, so cocksure, prancin' aboot with your ''heads full of eyeballs!'' ''[[BringIt Come and get me]],'' I say! I'll be waitin' on ya with a whiff o' the old brimstone! ''I'm a grim bloody fable... '''with an unhappy bloody end!''''' Oh, they're goin' ta have to glue yew back together...'''IN HELL!'''
-->-- ''Meet the Demoman''

-> '''RED Sniper:''' Sniping's a good job, mate. It's challenging work, out of doors... I guarantee you'll not go hungry. 'Cause at the end of the day, long as there's two people left on the planet, ''someone'' is gonna want ''someone'' dead.
-->-- ''Meet the Sniper''

->'''[[VideoGame/TeamFortressClassic Classic]] Heavy''': How... the ''hell''... did you beat us? We spent six months huntin' down her best. Echelon. Citadel. Team ''Vanguard'', for God's sake. We got 'em all. We ''beat'' her. All she had left was [[RagtagBunchOfMisfits you rejects]]. How... the ''hell''...\\
'''Ms. Pauling''': You wanna know how we beat you? I honestly have no [[SymbolSwearing #£%@#]] clue. Maybe it was just luck. Maybe it was something else.\\
'''Medic''': It's because we don't have souls.\\
'''Ms. Pauling''': What?\\
'''Medic''': Well, ''they'' don't, but- nothing. Carry on.\\
'''Ms. Pauling''': I don't know what to tell you. But either way... we're [[TitleDrop Team Fortress]]. [[PreMortemOneLiner And you're]] ''[[PreMortemOneLiner dead]]''.

->"Hello, Miss Pauling! We killed everybody and [[CaptureTheFlag took a briefcase!]]"
-->'''Soldier''' talking about his job in ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLlLQ3LmZWU Expiration Date]]''

->'''RED Heavy:''' Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe... ''(sniff)'' maybe. I have yet to meet one that can outsmart '''bullet'''.

->'''BLU Soldier:''' You call that breaking my spine? You RED team ladies wouldn't know how to break a spine i--\\

-> '''RED Demoman:''' I got a manky eye. I'm a black Scottish cyclops. They got more f''([[SoundEffectBleep long bleep]])''s[[labelnote:uncensored]]feckin' sea monsters in the great Lochett Ness[[/labelnote]] [[LastOfHisKind than they got the likes of me]]. ''[[DareToBeBadass So!]]'' T'all you fine dandies so proud, so cocksure, prancin' aboot with your ''heads full of eyeballs!'' ''[[BringIt Come and get me]],'' I say! I'll be waitin' on ya with a whiff o' the old brimstone! ''I'm a grim bloody fable... '''with an unhappy bloody end!'''''

'''BLU Spy:''' If you managed to kill them, I ''assure'' you they were not like me, and nothing--''nothing''--like the man loose inside this building.\\

'''BLU Spy:''' Indeed, and now he's here to [[SoundEffectBleep f***]] ''us!'' So listen up, boy! Or pornography starring your mother would be the ''second'' worst thing that'll happen to you today.

-> '''RED Sniper:''' Sniping's a good job, mate. It's challenging work, out of doors... I guarantee you'll not go hungry. 'Cause at the end of the day, long as there's two people left on the planet, ''someone'' is gonna want ''someone'' dead.
-->-- ''Meet the Sniper''

-> '''RED Demoman:''' I got a manky eye. I'm a black Scottish cyclops. They got more f''([[SoundEffectBleep long bleep]])''s[[labelnote:uncensored]]feckin' sea monsters in the great Lochett Ness[[/labelnote]] [[LastOfHisKind than they got the likes of me]]. ''[[DareToBeBadass So!]]'' T'all you fine dandies so proud, so cocksure, prancin' aboot with your ''heads full of eyeballs!'' ''[[BringIt Come and get me]],'' I say! I'll be waitin' on ya with a whiff o' the old brimstone! ''I'm a grim bloody fable... '''with an unhappy bloody end!'''''
-->-- ''Meet the Demoman''

'''BLU Spy:''' Indeed, and now he's here to [[SoundEffectBleep f***]] ''us!''

->''"There will be a certain day...fortunately it's not today, or anytime soon. But there will be a day where Team Fortress 2 becomes as outdated as'' VideoGame/SuperMarioBros. ''and'' {{VideoGame/Contra}}''. And in the days when that game is sitting in the dust like a forgotten memory, A few of us that took the game as a passion will sit down at our Desktops, start it up, and play a nice game of Capture the Flag at 2fort, while'' ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MrS7bezmsdk this song]]'' ''plays in the background, reminding us of what this masterpiece was and always will be."''

->''"Spanning 119 updates of ongoing development, the Team Fortress 2 team has maintained its unswerving commitment to our user base: [[NiceHat to put more hats per square inch in our game than any other piece of media in human history]]. We've probably improved gameplay and added a new game mode or map here and there too - [[SelfDeprecation most likely by accident, while trying to upload something hat-based.]]"''

-> ''"[[MostAnnoyingSound MEEEDIIIIIC!!!]]"''

-->-- '''Soldier)''' after a fine day of killing robots

->''"Spanning 119 updates of ongoing development, the Team Fortress 2 team has maintained its unswerving commitment to our user base: [[NiceHat to put more hats per square inch in our game than any other piece of media in human history]]. We've probably improved gameplay and added a new game mode or map here and there too - [[SelfDeprecation most likely by accident, while trying to upload something hat-based.]]"''
-->-- The [=TF2=] website, summing up the history of the game.

->''[[MemeticMutation "STOUT SHAKO FOR 2 REFINED"]]''
-->-- '''Demopan'''

-> ''"MEEEE-DIIIIC!!!"''
-->-- [[MostAnnoyingSound Everyone Ever]]

-> ''"Sniping's a good job, mate. It's challenging work, out of doors... I guarantee you'll not go hungry. 'Cause at the end of the day, long as there's two people left on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead."''
-->-- '''Sniper'''

->''"It doesn't matter how much people respect you when they're on fire."''
-->-- ''Respectless Rubber Glove'' description

->''"I just kicked your ass so hard it went BACK IN TIME and got me this VIKING HAT."''
-->-- ''Tyrant's Helm'' description

->''"Scientists in the future have studied your ass for centuries... And sent me back in time to kick it!"''

->''"Is that a miniature Spy in your pocket, or are you just happy to OH GOD STOP HITTING ME!"''
-->-- ''Itsy Bitsy Spyer'' description

->''"I never really was on your side"''
-->-- '''Spy'''

->'''BLU Scout''': [...] I've killed plenty of Spies! They're dime-a-dozen back-stabbin' scumbags, like you! No offense...\\
'''BLU Spy''': If you managed to kill them, I assure you they were not like me, and nothing -'''nothing'''- like the man loose inside this building.\\
'''BLU Scout''': What are ya, president of his fan club?\\
'''BLU Spy''': ...no...that would be '''YourMother'''! [reveals several photos of the Scout's mother with a RED Spy]\\
'''BLU Scout''': WAIT..EH...AH...GH...\\
'''BLU Spy''': Indeed, and now he's here to f*** '''US'''!

->''"This is my world. You are not welcome in my world!"''

->''' ''"UWEEEEEH! UWAAAAAH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! CRY SOME MOOORE!"'' '''
-->-- '''[[LargeHam Heavy]] [[BoisterousBruiser Weapons]] [[ShoutingShooter Guy]]'''

->''"I have uploaded a boot up your metal asses!"''
-->-- '''Jane Doe''' ''(aka The Soldier)'' after a fine day of killing robots.

->'''''"SEDUCE ME!"'''''
-->-- '''[[ItMakesSenseInContext Spy, to Scout]]'''

->''"There will be a certian day...fortunately it's not today, or anytime soon. But there will be a day where Team Fortress 2 becomes as outdated as'' VideoGame/SuperMarioBros. ''and'' {{VideoGame/Contra}}''. And in the days when that game is sitting in the dust like a forgotten memory, A few of us that took the game as a passion will sit down at our Desktops, start it up, and play a nice game of Capture the Flag at 2fort, while'' ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MrS7bezmsdk this song]]'' ''plays in the background, reminding us of what this masterpiece was and always will be."''
-->-- '''From a random Website/YouTube comment'''

->''"[[FingerGun POW! HAHA!]]"''

->''"We send itsy-bitsy cart back home!"''
-->-- '''Heavy'''

->''"Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe... maybe. I have yet to meet one that can outsmart '''bullet'''."''
-->-- '''Heavy'''

->'''Classic Heavy''': How... the ''hell''... did you beat us? We spent six months huntin' down her best. Echelon. Citadel. Team ''Vanguard'', for God's sake. We got 'em all. We ''beat'' her. All she had left was [[RagtagBunchOfMisfits you rejects]]. How... the ''hell''...\\
'''Ms. Pauling''': You wanna know how we beat you? I honestly have no #£%@# clue. Maybe it was just luck. Maybe it was something else.\\
'''The Medic''': It's because we don't have souls.\\

'''The Medic''': Well, ''they'' don't, but- nothing. Carry on.\\

->"HELLO MISS PAULING, we killed everybody and took a briefcase!"
-->Soldier summing up his job in [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLlLQ3LmZWU Expiration Date]]

->"HELLO MISS PAULING, we killed everybod and took a briefcase!"

->'''BLU Scout''': "[...] I've killed plenty of Spies! They're dime-a-dozen back-stabbin' scumbags, like you! No offense..."\\
'''BLU Spy''': "If you managed to kill them, I assure you they were not like me, and nothing -'''nothing'''- like the man loose inside this building."\\
'''BLU Scout''': "What are ya, president of his fan club?"\\
'''BLU Spy''': "...no...that would be '''YourMother'''!" [reveals several photos of the Scout's mother with a RED Spy]\\
'''BLU Scout''': "WAIT..EH...AH...GH..."\\
'''BLU Spy''': "Indeed, and now he's here to f*** '''US'''!"

->''' ''"WAAAH! WAAAAAH! HAHAHA! CRY SOME MOOORE!"'' '''

->''"[[FingerGun Pow! Haha!]]"''

-->-- Everyone Ever

->''"Say, Engie! Is that a miniature Spy in your pocket, or are you just happy to OH GOD STOP HITTING ME WITH THAT WRENCH!"''

-> "Sniping's a good job, mate. It's challenging work, out of doors... I guarantee you'll not go hungry. 'Cause at the end of the day, long as there's two people left on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead.