Pete: Trophy, go hide in your own closet. I'm going to need to be in here for a while.
Trophy: But your closet's the only one with a toilet!
Pete: ... THERE'S NO TOILET!
Trophy: Oops!
—Teenage Euthanasia, "Suddenly Susan"
Peter!Mac Bookpro: Hello Padre, Funny I'd find you here in the church bathroom.
Carter!Cardinal St. Louis: This is the confessional!
Peter!Mac: [sheepishly] Well then, I have something to confess.
Carter!St. Louis: [sniffs] Ugh! Mother of Mercy! How much mutton do you eat?
Peter!Mac: Hey, you're supposed to be forgiving! This is a safe space!
—Family Guy, "The Fatman Always Rings Twice"
"He defecated through a sunroof!"
— Chuck McGill, Better Call Saul, "Chicanery"
"Are we going to ignore the fact that Louise pooped in the pool?"
— Bob Belcher, Bob's Burgers, "Synchronized Swimming"
Arin: I'm going to kill you...
Dan: You're going to what?
Arin: I'm going to kill you!
Dan: Over what?
Arin: THE POOP ON THE WALL!!
Dan: No poop. No poop happened. That's a thing you made up.
"Attention students. Apparently, Clyde could not have been the one who crapped in the urinal, because Clyde had a colostomy at age 5. Now, whoever did this unspeakable act is still at large. The boys' bathroom is closed until further notice, because one of you thought it would be a good idea to pull down your pants, hover your butt cheeks over the urinal, and squeeze out a chocolate hot dog. Oh you think that's funny, huh?! Let me assure you that there is nothing funny about going up to a nice, clean, unsuspecting urinal, dropping your pants, then turning around...squatting over that urinal...maybe pulling your butt cheeks apart with your hands, and then laying out a big fudge dragon for all the world to see!"
— Mr. Mackey, South Park, "Mystery of the Urinal Deuce"
Bernard: Why do you have a toaster in your bathroom?
Gerald: We haven't got a toaster in our bathroom.
Bernard: Well, you should put a lock on the door anyway because I was in there. I was on the toilet and everything, little Jimmy comes in...
(Looks of slowly dawning horror on Gerald and Sarah's faces)
Bernard: ...he's drinking milk from the fridge and that's all wrong, it's unhygienic.
(Sarah runs out of the room)
Bernard: And what were you thinking, what was going through your brain when you thought "Oh yeah, I'll buy a wicker toilet?"
Sarah: *Screams from another room*
Gerald: We haven't got a toaster in our bathroom.
Bernard: Well, you should put a lock on the door anyway because I was in there. I was on the toilet and everything, little Jimmy comes in...
(Looks of slowly dawning horror on Gerald and Sarah's faces)
Bernard: ...he's drinking milk from the fridge and that's all wrong, it's unhygienic.
(Sarah runs out of the room)
Bernard: And what were you thinking, what was going through your brain when you thought "Oh yeah, I'll buy a wicker toilet?"
Sarah: *Screams from another room*
"Did you know that pooping in a stranger's purse on a bus is a crime? Yet somehow, if I dropped brown crayons in my own pants, I wouldn't have a criminal record! Who's making these laws?!"
—Ripper, Total Drama, "New Teams, New Screams"
Chris: I made a shoebox diarrhea on the evolution of man.
Lois: That's diorama, Chris.
Chris: Uh oh.
