Ah, Marietta! You're as bold and beautiful as you were the day we rescued you from the bandits who kidnapped you after your mysterious yet famously powerful Spark tribe was completely wiped out, leaving you the only heir to its secrets! Maria Antonia Fantasia Philomel:
Oh, enough about my traumatic past! (I was also a princess.)
My Father was a native of Ireland and an inhabitant of Wales; my Mother was the natural Daughter of a Scotch Peer by an Italian Opera-girl — I was born in Spain, and received my Education at a Convent in France.
When I had reached my eighteenth Year, I was recalled by my Parents to my paternal roof in Wales. Our mansion was situated in one of the most romantic parts of the Vale of Uske. Tho' my Charms are now considerably softened and somewhat impaired by the Misfortunes I have undergone, I was once beautiful. But lovely as I was, the Graces of my Person were the least of my Perfections. Of every accomplishment accustomary to my sex, I was Mistress. When in the Convent, my progress had always exceeded my instructions, my Acquirements had been wonderfull for my age, and I had shortly surpassed my Masters.
In my Mind, every Virtue that could adorn it was centered; it was the Rendez-vous of every good Quality and of every noble sentiment.
A sensibility too tremblingly alive to every affliction of my Freinds, my Acquaintance, and particularly to every affliction of my own, was my only fault, if a fault it could be called. Alas! how altered now! Tho' indeed my own Misfortunes do not make less impression on me than they ever did, yet now I never feel for those of an other. My accomplishments too, begin to fade — I can neither sing so well nor Dance so gracefully as I once did — and I have entirely forgot the Minuet Dela Cour.
The nicest, most attractive girl in school with the tragic past she nonetheless would never talk about but sometimes sigh penitently with the cruel brush of sorrow over would be crowned Prom Queen. Nobody was surprised.
"Well, I was just on my way back from fighting Lobo, Larfleeze, Sephiroth, Bizzaro, Solomon Grundy, Gorilla Grodd, Darkseid, Lord English, the Anti-Monitor, the Anti-Sun, the Anti-Christ, the Anti-God, the Anti-Anti Devil, the regular Devil, Vandal Savage, Lolth, Sauron, Morgoth, and my evil twin from the antimatter universe all at the same time (I won of course) when I decided to drop by to see how my daughter was doing!"
"Sure, [Skipper]'s been fired a few dozen times, but who hasn't? Well, I haven't. But to be fair, who's gonna fire me