Vetinari: ...I'm sorry if this offends you, but you fellows really need us.
Vimes: Yes sir?
Vetinari: Oh yes, we're the only ones who know how to make things work. You see, the only thing the good people are good at is overthrowing the bad people. And you're good at that, I'll grant you. But the trouble is that's the only thing you're good at. One day it's the ringing of the bells and the casting down of the evil tyrant, and the next it's everyone sitting around complaining that ever since the tyrant was overthrown no one's been taking out the trash. Because the bad people know how to plan. It's part of the specification, you might say. Every evil tyrant has a plan to rule the world. The good people don't seem to have the knack.
Presumably one of the prerequisites of being employed by a mad billionaire with designs on global domination is that he has a gigantic logistics and fulfillment operation dedicated to ensuring that nothing is ever missing when it's needed.
— Bob Howard, The Jennifer Morgue
There was a huge, noisy mess involved with the final arrangements; all the healthy and wounded angels were required to report in at specific times to be counted or put into triage, and of course everyone wanted to be treated last, which caused an almighty clusterfuck for a good hour and a half. The demons were shuffled off to a holding area for consignment to Hell.
That's why they can never hope to win. Chaos sneaks in every time. They can cover the world in cameras, but they can't stop the guys in the monitor rooms from jerking off or playing the fifteenth sequel to "Doom" for the hundreth time.
— King Mob, The Invisibles
Here, as everywhere I have been in the Fascist Empire, it was impossible not to admire the Italian genius for fine buildings, roads, ports and public works. They built with skill and artistry and, only that strained nervous atmosphere that followed Fascism everywhere indicated that this was a civilization of the master for the master which the resident subject peoples must accept and support or else.
— Alan Moorehead, The Desert War: The Classic Trilogy on the North Africa Campaign 1940-43
I distrust the government but as a realistic conservative I think government is staffed with mostly well-intentioned but incompetent people — not because they're dumb, but because bureaucracies are dumb. These conspiracy theorists reverse this entirely. They think government is evil-intentioned but supremely, even divinely, competent. That's crazy-talk, Count Chocula.
— Jonah Goldberg, Skepticism Versus Paranoia, The full quote from the main page.
If I ever do become an author decades from now that's one thing I'll definitely subvert. I intend to have an ancient conspiracy that didn't foresee Hitler declaring war on the Soviets and U.S., and with a poor understanding of nuclear weapons initially expected a bloody conventional war between the Warsaw Pact and N.A.T.O., only to find that the latter didn't happen and after previously investing too much into Germany they then transitioned to South America too soon which left them effectively powerless and prone to internal rebellion for decades. Then after they finally overcome the far-right prejudices of most of the older members and recruit Communist members the Soviet Union breaks up fifteen years later and the last of their useful Communist members (a Cuban) gets arrested on suspicion of spying for the Americans. They won't even be important to the story, it'll just be a big 'Take That!' to all the books, movies and games with ancient, all powerful conspiracies.
In a few short weeks, you've managed to show that when the government wants to do good things, your managerial competence falls somewhere between David Brent, and a cat chasing a laser pointer. But when government wants to flex its more malevolent muscles, YOU'RE FUCKING IRON MAN!