Yogurt: Merchandising, merchandising! Where the real money from the movie is made! Spaceballs the T-shirt, Spaceballs the coloring book, Spaceballs the lunch box, Spaceballs the breakfast cereal, Spaceballs da flamethrowah!
FWOOOOOOOOOOOMPH
Dink, Dink, Dink, Dink, Dink, Dink: Ooooh!
Yogurt: The kids love this one.
FWOOOOOOOOOOOMPH
Dink, Dink, Dink, Dink, Dink, Dink: Ooooh!
Yogurt: The kids love this one.
[On Children's Chemistry sets] The boy on the box is making a clock powered by a potato. The boy in his bedroom is making a device that will lead to the evacuation of Slough.
— Jack Dee
Commander Badass: Hey, y'think I can get one'a those ED-209 chickenwalker things fer my kids?
Store Clerk: Do you want it with the "Authorized to use physical force OS" or the "Loyal as a puppy OS?"
Commander Badass: I just said it was for my kids, didn't I?
Store Clerk: I don't know what kind of father you are, sir. And frankly, I didn't want to insult you by making assumptions.
Store Clerk: Do you want it with the "Authorized to use physical force OS" or the "Loyal as a puppy OS?"
Commander Badass: I just said it was for my kids, didn't I?
Store Clerk: I don't know what kind of father you are, sir. And frankly, I didn't want to insult you by making assumptions.
"Don't be afraid, it's just a toy."
— Reese, Stargate SG-1
Mother:You can't give her that! It's not safe!"
Death:"It's a sword. It's not meant to be."
Mother: "She's just a child!"
Death: "It's educational."
Mother: "What if she cuts herself?"
Death: "Then she will learn a very important lesson."
Death:"It's a sword. It's not meant to be."
Mother: "She's just a child!"
Death: "It's educational."
Mother: "What if she cuts herself?"
Death: "Then she will learn a very important lesson."
''Well, the U.S. Safety Commission has issued a list of unsafe Christmas toys. Topping the list this year: Mattel’s Gasoline-Powered Sharp Thing."
— Norm Macdonald, Weekend Update, Saturday Night Live
Want to see a proud parent? Give a kid a Doctor Chuckles Surgery Kit and watch the kid's parents smile, content in the knowledge that their child wants to be a doctor someday. This adorable little fetish all but guarantees it! Soon Junior will have all the necessary skills to remove arms and legs and even those annoying hearts and lungs. Just say where it hurts and go to sleep! Junior'll fix that pain once and for all.
With a successful Gnosis vs Willpower roll, the Doctor Chuckles Surgery Kit will endow your child with all the surgical skills of the very best Grand Inquisitor, and at no extra charge to you, your child gets a syringe full of muscle-paralyzing venom, good for as many as seven full-grown Garou! The bad news is that only one child can ever use the kit; the good news is that at $3.99 apiece, they're practically a steal!
By the time your child is done, you'll be dead, or you too will be a formor.
— Werewolf: The Apocalypse - Book Of The Wyrm (1st Ed)
Has your boy a mechanical turn of mind? Yes? Then buy him a FLAMMENWERFER! Instructive— amusing. Guaranteed absolutely harmless.
—The Wipers Times, satirical WWI-era British trench newspaper
Rick: Ray guns. A whip that forces people to like you. Invisibility cuffs. A parent trap. A lightning gun. A teddy bear with anatomically correct innards. Night vision googly eye glasses. Sound erasing sneakers. False fingerprints. "Fall asleep" darts. A lie-detecting doll. An indestructible baseball bat. A taser shaped like a ladybug. A fake police badge. Location tracking stickers. Rainbow-colored duct tape. Mind control hair clips. Poison gum. A pink. Sentient. Switchblade.
Switchblade: Hi Beth! You've gotten taller! Shall we resume stabbing?
— Rick and Morty, going through a box of "toys" Beth asked Rick to make as a child.
"Warning: this kit contains unnecessarily sharp items."
"Lion toy made out of 100% tin. Once a very popular toy with human children, they rebelled against humanity, leaving thousands of grieving parents..."
—Shadow Hearts: Covenant, bestiary description of the Tin Lion.
"Someone forgot to instruct the toymaker that teething toys are NOT supposed to HAVE teeth!"
