[On Children's Chemistry sets] The boy on the box is making a clock powered by a potato. The boy in his bedroom is making a device that will lead to the evacuation of Slough.

Store Clerk: Do you want it with the "Authorized to use physical force OS" or the "Loyal as a puppy OS?"
Commander Badass: I just said it was for my kids, didn't I?
Store Clerk: I don't know what kind of father you are, sir. And frankly, I didn't want to insult you by making assumptions.

Reese: Don't be afraid, it's just a toy.

"You can't give her that! It's not safe!"
"It's a sword. It's not meant to be."
"She's just a child!"
"It's educational."
"What if she cuts herself?"
"Then she will learn a very important lesson."