Quotes / Jurisdiction Friction

Agent Smith: Lieutenant, you were given specific orders.
Lieutenant: I'm just doing my job. You give me that "juris-my-dick-tion" crap... you can cram it up your ass.

"Imagine that police solved cases by dividing crime scenes up into physical segments and then not talking to each other about them. The guy who is looking for the murder weapon has no idea what the body looks like. The guy who is measuring the blood-splatter patterns doesn't know that a wild dog came onto the scene 20 minutes ago and ran away with the victim's leg. The crime-scene tech discovers a Bloodsport-style fighting ring in the basement with a fight still going on in it, but doesn't bother to tell the detective. This is pretty much what the medical system is like today."

CIA Operative: We'll interface with the FBI regarding the body.
CIA Superior: No, no. God no. We don't need those idiots fucking everything up. Burn the body. Get rid of it.

Jack Garrett: Our contacts at the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department are on their way to here to greet us.
Mae Jarvis: Oh, that's nice of them.
Jack Garrett: Well, they're offended we're here.
Mae Jarvis: Oh, okay, so not so nice of them.

American Coast Guard Captain: Back off, Canadians, we got 'em.
Canadian Coast Guard Captain: You back off, hosers! They're in Canadian waters, eh!
American Captain: Beat it, you puck-slapping maple-suckers!
Canadian Captain: Take a hike, you Shatner-stealing Mexico-touchers!
(they start ramming one another)
The Simpsons, "Catch 'Em If You Can"