All you’re doing is smacking your nuts against someone, and nothing is going in.
While Fifty Shades is more ribald than the average film, its sex scenes feel as pre-fabricated as any CGI-laden action sequence in an average blockbuster—they're fine here but could easily be at home in a Dior commercial... Imagine if Peckinpah’s lens lovingly captured guns for an hour but never bothered to show the squibs.
Marial: Are you ready for tonight? You do know what to expect?
Catherine: You suppose me more naive than I am. My mother has explained everything.
Marial: She has?
Catherine: The man caresses you softly, pressing his lips to yours. Your breasts and skin awaken and shiver with palpitating joy. Between your legs quivers and moistens with longing. He enters you and you become one. Your bodies meld, your souls mesh. As a sensation takes hold of you, you fall into a black sky filled with the shiniest of stars. You float for a time in ecstasy, before waves of pleasure push and pull you back into your body. Your body ushers forth yelps, and sometimes song, before he and you explode within, collapsing together, spent and unified. Then, you lay together, laughing softly, weeping occasionally with ecstatic joy, and finally, he wraps his arms around you, whispers poetry softly into your ear, and you fall into a... delicious sleep.
Marial: Yep, that's pretty much it.
Catherine: You suppose me more naive than I am. My mother has explained everything.
Marial: She has?
Catherine: The man caresses you softly, pressing his lips to yours. Your breasts and skin awaken and shiver with palpitating joy. Between your legs quivers and moistens with longing. He enters you and you become one. Your bodies meld, your souls mesh. As a sensation takes hold of you, you fall into a black sky filled with the shiniest of stars. You float for a time in ecstasy, before waves of pleasure push and pull you back into your body. Your body ushers forth yelps, and sometimes song, before he and you explode within, collapsing together, spent and unified. Then, you lay together, laughing softly, weeping occasionally with ecstatic joy, and finally, he wraps his arms around you, whispers poetry softly into your ear, and you fall into a... delicious sleep.
Marial: Yep, that's pretty much it.
