Quotes / Henpecked Husband

Real Life

A man can either be a happy rabbit or a lonely lion.
Arabic proverb

Being a strong women and having a strong marriage don't necessarily go together. I've known some famous women who had husbands who were like valets.
Alan King, Name Dropping

Tenchi is more like whomever Madonna marries. Just dragged along for the ride.

Your quarterback: Tom Brady. I want those toilets shined so bright I can see my face in them, Tommy. I actually believe that Tom Brady goes home to Gisele and is basically her slave. After spending all week telling shitty receivers what to do and calling out blocking assignments for undrafted linemen, I bet he would like nothing more than to go home, relinquish control of everything, and let his wife kick his ass all over the place. Real Fifty Shades-type shit, with stiletto heels up his ass and everything.

She was married to Denis Thatcher, who pickled himself to death with alcohol as a form of socially acceptable suicide.

Paul is currently involved in a hideous divorce with that witch Heather Mills and that may be the reason for his heart drama. I'm surprised Heather didn't burst into the operating room to steal his nuts. Yeah, what am I saying? She practically already has those.
Michael K., "Too bad he can't have the same kind of procedure to flush Heather Mills out of his life"


But in the town it was well known
when they get home at night their fat and psychopathic wives
would thrash them within inches of their lives
Pink Floyd, "The Happiest Days of Our Lives", The Wall

It was strange that a man among men was so helpless against a woman. He had something beaten and pitiful about him as he lay there. I thought it boded ill for us.

My dear, do not give way to such gloomy thoughts. Let us hope for better things. Let us flatter ourselves that I might outlive you.
Mr. Bennett, Pride and Prejudice

Santanico Pandemonium: welcome to slavery.
Seth: No thanks; I've already had a wife.

Larry the Cable Guy: How'd Connie take it?
Bill Engvall: Let me put it this way; I'll be safer in Iraq.

A word of advice: never fall in love during a total eclipse.

Sybil: And you will try to look dignified, won't you?
Vimes: Yes, dear.
Sybil: What will you try to look?
Vimes: Dignified, dear.
Sybil: And please try to be diplomatic.
Vimes: Yes, dear.
Sybil: What will you try to be?
Vimes: Diplomatic, dear.
Sybil: You're using your "henpecked" voice, Sam.
Vimes: Yes, dear.
Sir Samuel and Lady Sybil Vimes in Discworld

Amy: Do you get the feeling that you're forgetting something important, something incredibly big and monumental?
Rory: ...yep.
Amy: Are you just saying that because you're afraid of me?
Rory: Yep.
Amy: I love you.
Rory: Yep. —Wait, no! I love you too!

Amy: I think the baby's starting...
Rory: Honestly?!
Rory: Well, you do have a history of [receives Death Glare] ...being very lovely.
Doctor Who, "Amy's Choice"

Tim: What does your husband do?
Mary Whitehouse Expy: He keeps his distance.

"I'll never understand the humanoid need to couple... Too many compromises. You want to watch the karo-net game, she wants to listen to music, so you compromise: You listen to music. You like Earth jazz, she prefers Klingon opera, so you compromise. You listen to Klingon opera. So here you were, ready to have a nice night watching karo-net and you wind up spending an agonising evening listening to Klingon opera."
Odo, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine ("A Man Alone")

George: But Bar, we can't show any weakness in front of the Russians!
Barbara: (Glaring at him with her arms crossed) GEORGE...
George: (grumbling under his breath) Yes, dear.
(Gorbachev smiles evilly and says something in Russian to his aide)

"Antonia brought out a big boxful of photographs: she and Anton in their wedding clothes, holding hands; her brother Ambrosch and his very fat wife, who had a farm of her own, and who bossed her husband, I was delighted to hear;[...]"
Jim Burden (narrator), My Ántonia

Toji: (to Shinji) Not yet married, and she's already henpecking you…

Man, how can a guy be that henpecked?
Touji while seeing Asuka dragging Shinji away after demanding that he makes dinner, The Second Try

[Red and Dalton are arguing over the existence of angels]
Dalton: You don't believe that there are beings keeping an eye on where we are and what we're doing, and know exactly what we're thinking?
Red: Yeah, but they're called "wives", Dalton.

Cable: So...Married now...?
Deadpool: I know, right? It's great! She tells me what to do, where to go, and what to think. And we almost never have sex. Like, ever. Wives are great.