Batman: Let’s make this quick, Polka Dot Man. I’ve got bigger fish to fry in this city.
Polka Dot Man: That’s where you’re wrong, Batman! We’ve all had enough of you putting us down as good-for-nothing villains, it’s time we put a stop to this!
Batman: “We”? Who’s we-
Polka Dot Man: I’m glad you asked! Introducing for the first time, Gotham’s Legion of Evil! Calendar Man!
Calender Man: Today is National Kick Batman’s Ass Day! And also National Almond Chocolate Day!
Polka Dot Man: The Eraser!
The Eraser: Let’s get straight to the point, shall we?
Polka Dot Man: Crazy Quilt!
Crazy Quilt: Let’s color the streets red! He-he-he-he!
The Eraser: Oh my god, it’s so hard to breath in here…
Polka Dot Man: Condiment King!
Condiment King: Glad to ketchup, Batman!
Polka Dot Man: Kite Ma-
Condiment King: Wait, hold on, I’ve got a better one. *mmhm* I will relish in your defeat, Batman!
(Beat)
Polka Dot Man: Kite Man!
Kite Man: I’m a kite!
Polka Dot Man: Danny DeVito Penguin from Batman Returns!
Danny DeVito Penguin: Why the fuck am I here?! I’m one of the cool ones!
Polka Dot Man: Dude, you’re like four feet tall and you wheeze everywhere you walk, you’re like a grown-up humonculous.
Danny DeVito Penguin: FUCK YOU!
Polka Dot Man: Big Wheel!
Big Wheel: Hey, what’s going on, I’m Big Wheel.
Batman: Wait, aren’t you a Marvel property?
Big Wheel: Yeah, but it just felt right being here.
Polka Dot Man: And finally, the Bad Samaritan! We’ve all joined forces to-
Batman: Ok, come on, that last one was a gag, right?
Bad Samaritan: Don’t act like you don’t remember me, Batman.
Batman: “The Bad Samaritan”? What’s your gimmick?
Bad Samaritan: You know, I’m like the- the Good Samaritan. But I’m evil.
(beat)
Batman: We doing this?
Polka Dot Man: Just- just throw us in jail already…
Polka Dot Man: That’s where you’re wrong, Batman! We’ve all had enough of you putting us down as good-for-nothing villains, it’s time we put a stop to this!
Batman: “We”? Who’s we-
Polka Dot Man: I’m glad you asked! Introducing for the first time, Gotham’s Legion of Evil! Calendar Man!
Calender Man: Today is National Kick Batman’s Ass Day! And also National Almond Chocolate Day!
Polka Dot Man: The Eraser!
The Eraser: Let’s get straight to the point, shall we?
Polka Dot Man: Crazy Quilt!
Crazy Quilt: Let’s color the streets red! He-he-he-he!
The Eraser: Oh my god, it’s so hard to breath in here…
Polka Dot Man: Condiment King!
Condiment King: Glad to ketchup, Batman!
Polka Dot Man: Kite Ma-
Condiment King: Wait, hold on, I’ve got a better one. *mmhm* I will relish in your defeat, Batman!
(Beat)
Polka Dot Man: Kite Man!
Kite Man: I’m a kite!
Polka Dot Man: Danny DeVito Penguin from Batman Returns!
Danny DeVito Penguin: Why the fuck am I here?! I’m one of the cool ones!
Polka Dot Man: Dude, you’re like four feet tall and you wheeze everywhere you walk, you’re like a grown-up humonculous.
Danny DeVito Penguin: FUCK YOU!
Polka Dot Man: Big Wheel!
Big Wheel: Hey, what’s going on, I’m Big Wheel.
Batman: Wait, aren’t you a Marvel property?
Big Wheel: Yeah, but it just felt right being here.
Polka Dot Man: And finally, the Bad Samaritan! We’ve all joined forces to-
Batman: Ok, come on, that last one was a gag, right?
Bad Samaritan: Don’t act like you don’t remember me, Batman.
Batman: “The Bad Samaritan”? What’s your gimmick?
Bad Samaritan: You know, I’m like the- the Good Samaritan. But I’m evil.
(beat)
Batman: We doing this?
Polka Dot Man: Just- just throw us in jail already…
—"Batman’s Greatest Foes", Solid jj
