Sue
"So what do you say, fellas? Will you give America what at least 52% of it will legally tolerate?"
"What do you think about the whole 'stoning them to death' thing that The Bible says?"
"I had one last gift for both of you, my legacy couples, and I wanted to give it to you myself. Don't worry, it's not a song (Beat) or a minority choir."
"I've got to come up with some new shipper fodder. How about... Faberry? Can't get enough of the lesbians."
"If it isn't my gender-gentle Anderhummels and the autistically feisty Lopierces."
"I swear to you, on Will Schuester's future grave, that this a genuine Brittana-mergency."
Brittany
(to Kurt) "I find it really hard to track your relationship."
(to Kurt and Blaine) "I was thinking about you guys the whole time, and not just because you remind me of the pig and gay rat from Charlotte's Web."
Santana: Do you even know why a groom couldn't see the bride before the wedding?
Brittany: I don't know; cannibalism?
"Hey, guys, do you mind if I ritualistically slaughter this chicken?"
"I just got a telegram from Martina Navratilova saying that she can't be our officiant because she's never really done it before and she doesn't really know either of us."
"There's dirt on the white thing!"
Brittany: (to the chicken) This is your lucky day, sir.
Santana: Put it down. Ridiculous.
"So does this mean that I don't have to wear the blue underwear I borrowed from Tina?"
Kurt: Let's just focus on the problems at hand, okay?
Brittany: Like the problem of your boyfriend being older than your dad?
Kurt: Wait, I know who can officiate!
Brittany: Who?
Kurt: Burt!
Brittany: Who's...?
Kurt: Burt Hummel
Brittany: I- I don't, I don't know who that is.
Kurt: It's, it's my da-
Sam: It's his dad!
Brittany: Your- Yes.
Santana
(to Brittany about Sue) "You actually might be right, we might actually have the worst luck of all time, 'cause I can't marry you if I'm in jail for killing this bitch!"
Artie: Why are we at a barn in rural North-East Indiana?
Santana: Well gay marriage is illegal in Ohio, but legal in Indiana. Makes absolutely no sense.
Rachel
Mercedes: If you invite the woman to the wedding, there is an 80% chance that she's going to ruin it.
Rachel: But if you don't, there's a 99% chance that she will.
Mercedes: Praise.
"Where the hell am I gonna find a lizard?"
Whitney
"I was thinking it would be fun for you two to get married in the barn that Brittany was born in!"
Maribel: I can work with this.
Whitney: You better.
(to Pierce) "Nobody's uglier than you with your clothes off!"
(on Brittany's birth) "Well, your father had his heart set on this trip to the Amish country and we spent the whole day shopping for handcrafted Amish electric fireplaces, and I had this horrible indigestion from all that apple butter, and I told your father to pull the car over and I ran into this barn for some privacy. I quickly pulled down my pants and I squatted real low, and usually I never look, oh my God, but it was just my lucky day! I looked down and it turns out I was in labour and, Brittany, it was you! And I was very lucky because there was a little cow over here and he helped lick you clean, and I swaddled you with a Mister Submarine wrapper that I found on the ground and, boy, was your father surprised!"
"My husband's in the bathroom! And he missed the whole aisle thing!"
"My husband's in the bathroom and he's missing all the vows!"
Pierce
"I was told that I was expected to get up here and give a toaster, but I just called Target and they're closed, so instead I'd like to say a few words..."
"I've just been informed that nobody is ugly and to knock it off."
The Vows
Kurt: Blaine, I'm a man who's always lived in the shadows, and everyone who's come into my life has always tried to pull me out into the sun or push me back into the darkness...
Santana: (to Brittany) I've been bullied, outed, and misunderstood...
Blaine: (to Kurt) I honestly thought that I would never find real love...
Brittany: (to Santana) The world seemed so scary and confusing. It was just too fast. It made me feel dumb, just because my brain worked differently.
Kurt: (to Blaine) ...and then you came along and even if someone had told me that it wasn't gonna work out and at the end of all our struggling and all of our work it would just end in heartbreak...
Blaine:...I would've said yes...
Santana: A thousand times yes.
Brittany: I would've suffered it all just for the tiny chance to be standing up here marrying you.
Kurt: I am a work in progress...
Blaine: I am a work in progress...
Santana: I am a work in progress...
Brittany: I am a work in progress...
Kurt: You don't ask me to come out of the shadows. You help me to move away anything that's blocking the sun. It's time for all of us to walk into the sunshine together, forever. Is that something you want to do?
Blaine: I do.
Santana: I do.
Brittany: I do.
Kurt: I do.
Burt: And now, by the power vested in me by the Internet, and the state of Indiana, and by a God who, if he believes in love, fully endorses the loving marriages of these two wonderful couples, I now pronounce you wife and wife, and husband and husband.
