"Is this film more interesting than a documentary of the same actors having lunch?"
"We don't pretend to disagree."
"Who did you see in that scene? You saw the little girl, you saw the princess, and you saw the ripoff robot from Star Wars, and you saw a hen. Well, you know what I liked most about the picture? The hen. I've said this before, I'll say it again: you know you're in trouble when your favorite character in the movie is a hen that only has a bit part."
— Discussing Return to Oz as one of the worst movies of 1985 on Siskel & Ebert at the Movies
"If the third reel had been the missing footage from Orson Welles' The Magnificent Ambersons, this movie still would have sucked."
— In his review of Little Indian, Big City, note
"A film that aims low should not be praised for hitting that target."
— A rebuttal to Ebert's Law: "It's not what a film's about, but how it's about it."
"If you're going to go through the trouble of putting us in a monster movie, why don't you at least take the advantage of having the monster either eat or squash us?"
— Regarding his and Ebert's incarnations in Godzilla (1998), inserted by Roland Emmerich as a Take That, Critics!
